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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed with other drivers 'waving' me on

329 replies

TheresaVGreen · 04/01/2017 08:49

I am quite happy to wait until a natural break in traffic to continue with my turning right manoeuvre thank you. I do not need you to come to a complete stop for me (which is dangerous and against the Highway Code), holding up everyone behind you, to then wave me on and get frustrated with me when I don't immediately take you up on your kind 'offer'.

I think I'm almost getting to the point where I am simply not going to move when I am waved on, and wait for the other driver to continue driving.

AIBU to be frustrated with drivers who take the rules into their own hands like this?

OP posts:
FatalKittehCharms · 06/01/2017 07:13

Driving in a city you get conditioned to be more aware of your surroundings, the flow of the traffic and other road users. Suburban drivers plying the same old roads sometimes seem to do it on autopilot.

Think you're right, GilMartin. I really can't recall instances of someone stopping to let me out and it causing any issues. Most people know when it's appropriate to let someone out.

FatalKittehCharms · 06/01/2017 07:16

That makes sense, Quilty. Do you feel obligated to thank them, even though what they did was unneccesary and dangerous?

Quiltylawningtons · 06/01/2017 07:27

Yup -FatalKittehCharms - makes me feel like a kid, not in a good way

Batteriesallgone · 06/01/2017 09:57

I can see where the OP is coming from. I have been waved across when it would definitely have been dangerous for me to go. Then I don't go and the drivers get really angry Blush the only ones to get angry and beep are men in their 50/60s.

I've noticed women are more likely to slow rather than obviously stop and wave across. Personally I think that's safer as it gives me a bit of an out without putting pressure on me to follow (dangerous) instructions.

My personal bugbear though is drivers waving me across as a pedestrian when I have the pram with me when it is dangerous to cross. Gets me very angry though because I knew a young girl who died crossing when she'd been waved over one lane and the traffic coming the other way didn't stop.

MrsHathaway · 06/01/2017 10:00

I agree, the further you get away from the city centre, the worse the driving gets.

Er, no. The best and most considerate driving I ever see is on tiny Highland lanes with passing places. People who use those every day also dodging protected but apparently suicidal wildlife have none of the urgency of the city so they drive with attention and patience.

I'll concede that city dwellers can park. Good grief. Spot a space 3 mm longer than the car and they'll parallel into it!

brotherphil · 06/01/2017 10:29

Back in the days when I used to cycle in London in the week and in Southend at the wekends, I definitey found London drivers more considerate, which I put down to the number of cyclists - if you've got a couple of dozen in a pack, along with a few motorcycles, you might not want to treat therm the way that some drivers do individual cyclists.
I once went down Abbey Road in Bermondsey, which was nose to tail at about 5 mph, and had the pleasure of seeing every single car move over to make room for me. At a similar point in time, in Southend, I was nearly taken out 4 times in the space of a day by drivers who didn't seem to be aware of my existence.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 06/01/2017 10:37

Sometimes I am really grateful for someone letting me turn into my road, but often there are pedestrians crossing it, and then I can't go anyway so there's no point waving me across. However, given most drivers' unawareness of rule 170 the Highway Code I suspect they don't give the pedestrians a second's thought.

One thing that happens near me occasionally is that cars stop to let pedestrians across a local road when the lights are on green for the cars. There's plenty of chance for people to cross when the lights are on red for cars even though there is no specific pedestrian phase. Sometimes people are rude to one set of road users in being courteous to another set.

mmmuffins · 06/01/2017 12:14

On the whole I think it is helpful when someone lets me in.

However, I have had a couple instances where I didn't go because because it wasn't safe or because I was actually crossing both lanes into a tiny road rather than turning, and the driver letting me in gets annoyed and honks at me, gestures wildly, and when I still don't go, accelerates off in a huff! I think that is unreasonable.

user1483226045 · 06/01/2017 15:05

YUBVU How ungrateful you are. Bloody stay home then we don't all have to suffer your bloody selfish driving. Unbelievable!! Go live on a far away remore island with no cars. A donkey might suit you better.

Batteriesallgone · 06/01/2017 15:23

Bloody stay home then we don't all have to suffer your bloody selfish driving

Smile

If everyone only driving for selfish reasons got off the roads the roads would be clear with only the occasional emergency vehicle passing by.

user1483226045 · 06/01/2017 15:40

Batteries
I can assure you I'm extremely courteous, not always patient, but I'm one of those annoying (female) drivers that when I can I let everybody in as we all want to get from a to b. Why someone chooses to disregard someone else's courteous manner leaves me. speechless!

SnatchedPencil · 06/01/2017 15:47

It pisses me off too. I also hate it when:

  • someone waits in the queue behind me in the supermarket instead of pushing in
  • the bus driver doesn't deliberately drive through the puddle to splash me
  • people ring the doorbell, what's wrong with chucking a brick through the window FFS!

You're right, polite people are a scourge on us normals.

Batteriesallgone · 06/01/2017 16:16

Yes but your driving is probably not in the public interest. I'm guessing the majority of your car journeys are selfish in that the only people to benefit from them are you and your family. Selfish just seemed an odd choice of word

FranAnn · 06/01/2017 16:42

I'm fed up to the back teeth with these helpful types. Going around trying to be nice. If they think that's going to lighten my miserable outlook they are wrong. How dare they?!!!!!

Fannydoesit · 07/01/2017 14:28

Mstchwwww!

TSSDNCOP · 07/01/2017 15:05

It isn't kind or polite, it is stupid.

The Highway Code is there for a reason: so that everyone follows the rules of the road and in so doing do not cause accidents and keep the traffic moving.

IME most "kind souls" doing this turn into finger gesturing nutters if you aren't quick enough to take up their "kind invitation'

Typically they haven't taken account of the cyclists that are coming up on their nearside that you are likely to smack into if you do turn right with your view obstructed.

Funnyfarmer · 07/01/2017 21:31

I can't believe people think when someone let's you go/crossi or pass through you take that as a sign that there saying its absolutely safe for you to do so. If someone slows down and flashes you it's to indicate they've seen you, they agnoledge what your next intended manoiver is and they (not everyone else on the road) are happy to stop or slow down to let you complete your manoiver. It's still your responsibility to check if it's safe to do so. If it isn't safe I will just shake my head and flash back I've never had any rude response doing that. I know this kind of thing isn't in the highway code but I just thought it was general driving etticate

Eevee77 · 07/01/2017 22:54

There are road near me, minor, onto a major (typical, suburban area) with zero visibility due to parked cars on the sides of the road. If you didn't have patient, helpful people letting you out you would just have to edge out and hope for the best. As it is people always let you out, making it much safer.

MsColouring · 07/01/2017 23:00

YANBU - I had a car written off because someone flashed a car pulling out of a side road but I was coming the other way, couldn't stop and drove straight into him.

Doughnutsmademefat · 07/01/2017 23:05

All these anecdotes are not the fault of anyone other than the drivers though. Just because sometimes be let's you out, it doesn't absolve you of responsibility to check that it's safe.

I have never understood the mentality of those who doggedly refuse to use good manners on the road so it's been interesting to read this thread.

TSSDNCOP · 08/01/2017 11:34

But the point is that the HWC Is the law and etiquette of the road. If everyone just did that, everyone would know exactly where they stood without recourse to bloody home made morse code headlight signals.

How on earth would you explain to an insurance company "well me and the bloke in the Kia who'd stopped because he was just a top bloke despite the line of cars behind him, flashed each other and nodded, I turned right in front of him and didn't have a hope of spotting the cyclist coming up on his near side"

Doughnutsmademefat · 08/01/2017 13:57

Rule 151no annotations
In slow-moving traffic. You should

reduce the distance between you and the vehicle ahead to maintain traffic flow
never get so close to the vehicle in front that you cannot stop safely
leave enough space to be able to manoeuvre if the vehicle in front breaks down or an emergency vehicle needs to get past
not change lanes to the left to overtake
allow access into and from side roads, as blocking these will add to congestion
be aware of cyclists and motorcyclists who may be passing on either side.
Highway Code - Rule 151 Do Not Block Access To A Side Road

I think that allowing access to side roads is part and parcel of letting people out.

I don't know, I find it bizarre that people get angry about other people letting them out. It's up to them to check that it's safe (also says that in HWC).

Speed is probably the biggest factor in RTA.

MrsHathaway · 08/01/2017 16:42

Speed is probably the biggest factor in RTA.

I'd say that inattention and thoughtlessness are worse.

TwoCirclesthatdontoverlap · 08/01/2017 16:53

NYANBU!
I'll use my own judgement!

I also hate when instead of a gracious wave it's a cumon cumon, done with irritation like YOU are holding me up.

TSSDNCOP · 08/01/2017 17:13

Yes allowing access to side roads in slow moving traffic. So you don't sit in a solid line of stationary traffic.

Not stopping unilaterally in free flowing traffic and waving people across. Featuring gestures, heatwaves and flashing lights.

You can see the difference right? It not about manners. It's about doing the stuff you forked out several hundred quid in lessons for before you were given the OK to drive about in a potentially lethal object.

Can you imagine this conversation happening between pilots or train drivers.