AIBU to be horrified shocked disgusted AND revolted by family on sofa?

[LauraMipsum]

Just got back from a trip to extended family and was HORRIFIED to find that they sit on their bottoms on the sofa, often with only one or two layers of material between skin and chair. PIL don't even wipe it down with anti bac wipes in between different people plonking their backsides down.

WIBU to stand for the entire visit of two weeks? My knees hurt and my face aches from scowling.

Everyone, including the cats, must pass through a zoflora footbath on entering my house. I do not tolerate germs on my carpets.

Not really, I don't have zoflora or any other disinfectant in the house as it is poisonous to cats, but this site does seem like a temple of worship to zoflora right now.

I can't read anymore of this FILTH!!! I've gouged my eyes out and having them marinating in BLEACH!!!

a stranger tried to shake hands with me - their excuse was they wanted to introduce themselves. I called 111 and logged it then called NHS direct in case I had got some awful disease.

My children have to leave their shoes outside and strip and put their clothes in the bin outside to be burned before they're allowed in the house. Then they have to strap disinfectant wipes to their feet before they're allowed to walk across the floor. I would never ever condone them sitting on the sofa!!! It's there purely to colour match the rug (that I replace every day with a new one, and only after I've poured disinfectant over the new one). My children and I stand all the time so our bums don't touch anything in the house. And we hover using the loo, as bare skin isn't allowed to touch anything.

Your relatives sound disgusting!

Laura I am assuming that your aunt icks the sofa clean for them, with just a little butter for lubrication.

LICKS FFS

This thread is like something out of Top Tips in Viz Magazine!

Put your family in the bin

Laminate yourself, OP

Then laminate anyone who enters your home.

Also laminate the sofa. And the cat.

This post should come with a warning. I just vomited on the floor, so have had to burn the house down.

"My children and I stand all the time so our bums don't touch anything in the house."

bestofboth "Put your family in the bin"

Have you completely lost your mind? *

They would soil it!
All garbage should be put in a neighbour's bin!

Am I the only one who does this?

* Meant in a very caring way.

But what if their fart? There might be poo crumbs.

can someone DM me the link to the thread that this certainly isn't about, as I've not read whatever this thread isn't about

Well you should have married an orphan.

Also, stop interacting with humanity.

Simples.

Sitting here laughing at the mental image of a laminated cat and it's consequent pissed off face.

A friend's mum used to have their sofa actually wrapped in plastic and they had plastic covering all the carpets. No food or drink was allowed in any other room that the kitchen or dining room.
Actually really true.

Just do the world a favour and kill them!

This thread is full of great advice but this is purely nonsense. Have you any idea how MUCKY murdering people is? Last time I had to slaughter people (for incorrect napkin usage), I couldn't get the blood stains out of the carpet. So I set fire to the house. Then I salted the earth.

I think having basic hygiene standards are important. It's such a shame that these fundamental values seem to have been lost in this post Brexit world.

I can't believe anyone still has sofas any more, I thought they went out of fashion with slop buckets and Rag n Bone men.

Is this just one of those MN myths?

Startledby, have you never heard of sarin? Much tidier than bludgeoning.

I set fire to the house following any minor spillages, just to be on the safe side.

My SiL refuses to repeatedly raze her home to the ground, even though I know she once wore a dressing gown at 4.00 p.m and ate a sandwich in the bedroom.

Bloody minging.

StartledByHisFurryShorts Who the hell uses any of the mucky methods? I have yet to need to clean up after any of the executions I've carried out! You need to get clued up a bit!

I set fire to my sofa after each use to ensure no germs or poo crumbs are lurking. In fact, I burn my house down daily to ensure effective germ removal. A couple of pets have died and I've served six jail sentences for arson but I have my standards and it's worth it. The judge was a dirty slut who clearly thought bleaching her toilet hourly was acceptable.

I use a 3D printer to print an entire new house every day
I also print a new dh and DC too
I did have an old fashioned dh but I had to LTB when he tried to put a part of his body in mine, without washing it in zoflora first
He didn't even use an anti-bac wipe ffs

insancerre Ugh! I'm going to have nightmares after what you said about your ex dh. Vile.

insancerre you do realise that those 3D printers often get bugs in the software, don't you?

Just thought you ought to know.