AIBU to be horrified shocked disgusted AND revolted by family on sofa?

[LauraMipsum]

Just got back from a trip to extended family and was HORRIFIED to find that they sit on their bottoms on the sofa, often with only one or two layers of material between skin and chair. PIL don't even wipe it down with anti bac wipes in between different people plonking their backsides down.

WIBU to stand for the entire visit of two weeks? My knees hurt and my face aches from scowling.

Tee hee.

Assume the extended family are actually the PIL.

The, dirty, fecking barstewards. LTBs.

Is this to do with the two threads about wiping surfaces with cloths that have touched bins and washing up with cotton cloths?

Doesn't everyone just stick their sofa covers in the machine every night? It only takes a few minutes to put them back on again in the morning.

Of course... using a brand new washing machine each time, with the pipes plumbed into my industrial sized vat of domestos (water is so foul)

I never sit down, I don't have time as I am constantly changing every bed in the house on the 15 minute cycle

I have the solution OP - never fear!!!

They sound like mingers to me. Bet they don't wear face-masks or anything. Do they not keep the plastic wrapper on the sofa when they buy them like everyone else?

I cannot understand this.

I created my own sterilisation tank akin to one you out baby bottles in.

For hydroponic seals on every window and door and boil 100 kettles.

Bish bash bosh, guests and hygienic and safe to sit on my sofa.

The only draw back is that the process needs to be repeated every time someone leaves the room but that is a small issue really

You can disinfect them by heating to a minimum of 70 degrees to kill the germs. Or freezing them. I mean the relatives, of course, the disgusting arse-wielding bastards.

I wash everything in deionised distilled water. You can't trust the water from the tap - it's said to have been pissed out by seven other people by the time it comes out of the tap.

Laura

That's nothing. My relatives practise this sordid ritual when they visit me. They push out foul lumps of excreta out of their anuses and into a toilet bowl.

Every day they like to to lock themselves in the toilet, remove their trousers and pants, place their naked buttocks on the toilet seat and spend 10 minutes expelling these germ ridden stools.

Once done they wipe their backsides with paper attempt to conceal the evicence of the filthy act they've just committed by flushing these disease harbouring nuggests down the bowel. They then wash their hands and then shamelessly continue as if nothing happened and they don't have a care in the world.

Sometimes they will even attempt to engage in normal conversation, seemingly oblivious to the unnatural acts they've just committed.

At the end of each week-long visit I have to clean my children with wire wool and TCP and then burn down our home and those of out immediate neighbours yelling 'unclean, unclean' as I do so.

They seem incapable of ceasing this perverted private ritual. Should I go non-contact?

Of course... using a brand new washing machine each time, with the pipes plumbed into my industrial sized vat of domestos (water is so foul)

A new washing machine each time seems a little excessive, a weekly change is more than sufficient. Oh and I use purified unicorn tears as I'm not so ken on the scent of domestos.

Well, the other day my Dad sneezed. Actually sneezed into an actual hanky. Then he didn't sterilise the room. Just threw the tissue in the bin.
I had to sit there breathing air he'd sneezed into.
If someone farts I have to set up an exclusion zone of at least three miles.
I have no sofa, I float using the power of my revulsion.

I suggest you take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Alternatively you could boil the sofa in zoflora

Next you'll be telling me their mouth touches the cup when they drink from it

Fuck sake! There's no need for that kind of filthy talk.! I and everyone I know uses straws to drink, so that can't happen. It's simply not credible that anyone does anything else.

Cigars your dad is beyond grim.

GilMartin Go no contact? Are you insane? Just do the world a favour and kill them! No one will blame you given the nature of their crimes.

"It's simply not credible that anyone does anything else."

I suggest you read ' why I am right and all my relatives are cunts' by jeneric selfhelpshite

This is the gem on a truly hilarious thread.

I bet the manky bastards have a shit-sprinkled brush in their bathroom exclusively for scrubbing their filthy porcelain throne, the mingers.

Camping, no-one gets in my house without Zoflora-ing their bums then incinerating their hands afterwards. My MIL was unreasonable about this to start with, but soon gave in after I threatened to blow her brains out for talking to me using phrases which weren't on my quite normal pre-approved list.

My ils attempted to kiss my bare skin with their morbidly moist mouths, fortunately I pre-emptied this move by wearing this

We had guests once who used our forks to eat, actually put them in their mouths. Who does that???? DH put them in the dishwasher with everything else! So we had to replace all our crockery, cutlery, pans and dishwasher. They didn't get invited back!

So grim. We've stopped visiting other's homes or this very reason. Our select few guests are boiled until sterile before we allow them in.