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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do the washing up in diamonds?

175 replies

38cody · 02/01/2017 23:43

Not just in Diamonds but...
When I lost my wedding ring my Great Aunt gifted me a beautiful 14 Diamond eternity style ring, she had it made in the 70's and it's very lovely and looks fab with my engagement ring. I've had it for about a year and wear it every day as a wedding band. It's way nicer than my original.
She's one of those people who give you something but don't quite let go. I took her on holiday and she was tutting because I swim with my rings on, complains to my mother (her sister) that I garden with them on and nearly collapsed when I played in the kids sandpit wearing 'her' diamonds.
Anyway, on boxing day I was doing lots of washing up - I usually dishwash everything but we already had a load in so I handwashed the rest. That evening she noticed that a stone was missing from the ring and she is really really cross and keeps bleating on about how she had it all those years and only wore it occasionally and how upset she is and how nobody ever washes up in a diamond ring and it was bound to happen!
I'll get the stone replaced but I'm not a 'keep for best' kind of person and like to enjoy wearing it daily.
So my question is really - Do you take off your rings (if they have a stone) every time you wash up, bath the kids, go swimming, play in the sand...etc etc and AIBU not to do so?

OP posts:
MuchasSmoochas · 04/01/2017 20:14

Never take mine off. Lost the diamond on holiday, was gutted. Retraced my steps and got the whole hotel looking for it. Then a lovely young girl found it in the beach bar under the seat I was in the night before. The same day a woman lost hers playing volley ball. Again, 40 people on their hands and knees but all the luck was gone that day and we didn't find it.

luckylavender · 04/01/2017 20:44

You do sound very cavalier and I would be upset if I were your aunt. I don't think it's the fact you lost a diamond but the way you have reacted. I agree that you should give the ring back, you sound very easy come, easy go. And your use of the word gifted also irritates me beyond measure.

Alidoll · 04/01/2017 20:55

Personally I'd get it repaired then give her it back. If it was a gift then it's yours to do as you wish - wear it, pawn it, shove it on EBay. Entirely up to you. If she comments every time you do something she doesn't approve of while wearing it, why bother - give her it back so she can look after it "properly".

Up to you though...

Clearaschristal · 04/01/2017 21:16

Never take your rings off. You might lose them that way. If the diamonds are big, then its worth having the settings strengthened. Mine have lasted 20 years now, and I've never taken them off for anything, but the platinum claws are wearing and I am going to have them re-set. These days, the settings seem to be a lot less durable I have to say!

thewrinklefairy · 04/01/2017 21:23

If I gifted / gave /donated / bequeathed my jewellery to a younger relative, I would want them to enjoy it - if they were not wearing diamonds all the time, I would be disappointed (unless it was a tiara - and I don't have one so no worries!).
Insure and enjoy - you can't take them with you.
:)

MrsMattBomer · 04/01/2017 21:23

luckylavender

What's wrong with how OP reacted? Personally I think the fact she loves it enough to wear it every day without taking it off is showing more love towards the ring than keeping it in a box for special occasions.

I adore the ring my grandma left for me - it's been scuffed, chipped and tarnished more than any other and I never take it off. I love it still and never forget my grandma giving it to me. I've had it repaired so many times that about 10% of it is still original but it doesn't mean I treat it differently.

If you're going to tell someone how they can wear something then don't give it them in the first place. Seems like the Aunt can't let go.

nannieann · 04/01/2017 21:42

I'd say wear it and enjoy it. Nothing is forever, and the safest place for it is on your finger. I wear my Gran's engagement ring all the time. Afraid to lose it if I took it off -damaged is better than lost or stolen. My Mother kept hers for "best" and it was stolen when her house was burgled.

Blueink · 04/01/2017 22:23

Neither of you are being "unreasonable", however your actions do show a lack of care and value. I would remove an expensive ring containing precious stone(s) in the situations you mentioned as they all risk loss and damage. Although you are "appreciating" the ring by wearing it at all times, your great aunt interprets your actions as reckless and not valuing it. I can understand you not wanting to remove a ring representing a wedding band, if so replace your lost ring with a plain band which will better weather this type of use and clear the air with your great aunt about it. You can still wear the other ring, just remove it for washing up, gardening etc.

erchissick · 05/01/2017 10:36

I have to remove my rings for work, so my eternity, and engagement rings only get worn in the school holidays. That being said, I don't remove them to wash up. But if I was you, I'd replace the diamond and then return the ring to your aunt as she so obviously can't let go. Return the ring and replace it yourself, Hun xxx

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 05/01/2017 16:22

My wedding and eternity ring stay on all the time (can't get them off anyway) but other rings always come off for washing up/bathing, etc BUT always wear rubber gloves for the dishes as I like the water to be really hot and it saves my hands from getting sore. I keep one of those ring holders by the sink which is in regular use and I find it a good habit.

I don't blame your aunt for feeling aggrieved but it's your ring now - maybe try to demonstrate that you appreciate it by taking more care.

luckylavender · 05/01/2017 20:13

MrsMattBomer - nothing wrong with what the OP did, more her attitude, or at least the way she has described it. She asked for our opinion. That's mine.

OhTheRoses · 05/01/2017 21:05

How much is this ring worth.

RhiWrites · 05/01/2017 22:13

What sounded bonkers? playing with my kids or washing up? weird.

Yeah it's weird to play with your kids. Hmm

You clipped my post to quote it. I explained about my friend losing his wedding ring in the sea, don't you believe that can happen when you swim in rings? And I also mentioned the damage you've done washing up.

It's bonkers to be so careless with expensive meaningful objects.

StarryIllusion · 05/01/2017 22:25

I take off ones that have stones in for washing up etc as it will weaken the glue holding them in and I'll lose stones. Plain band type rings tend to just stay on.

Housemum · 06/01/2017 09:32

I wear rubber gloves to wash up/clean bathrooms so my engagement ring is protected from the water. But I wear my ring all the time that I can, feels odd not to.
I can't wear it at work, though, which does make me worry sometimes that it could end up being stolen. (It is valued every few years to keep it on the house insurance - was in the small print of the policy that items of jewellery over £1000 need a valuation less than 5 years old if you make a claim, so please do make sure you are covered if you have lovely jewellery)

mereswinesaliva · 06/01/2017 09:38

I find I can never get a good lather going with diamonds.

It's Fairy Liquid for me every time!

Lateralthinker2016 · 06/01/2017 10:01

I don't have any expensive rings but if I did I'd be careful with it/them... It sounds to me like you could take more care, so yes- YABU- and what's wrong with her taking notice of whether you are cautious? She didn't have to give it. If it bothers you so much then have the stone replaced and give it back.

Original poster
38cody · 16/01/2017 01:20

Had it repaired and wearing it all the time again but put washing up gloves on now (when I remember) .
She would be really insulted if I offered it back, definitely.
If I suddenly have an impromptu did in the sandpit with the kids and slipped the ring into my jeans each time I think I would be more likely to lose it.
I'm reassured that LOTS of you DO wash up in diamonds...I shall carry on!
Thx

OP posts:
Original poster
38cody · 16/01/2017 01:34

I always take my rings off as I don't want little scratches on my diamonds. Don't even wear them in bed, even that can scratch them

just weird

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 16/01/2017 01:37

I tbink your aunt is bu. My nan gave me a diamond ring a few years back. It had a 1ct victorian cut diamond in the middle and was surrounded by 30 smaller diamonds in a cluster. It was fricking huge! She gave it to me telling me and dh that she hoped it would one day be my engagement ring. I thanked her and was very grateful but couldn't wear such a huge ring. Dh asked her permission to pull it apart and design a ring that I'd like using the diamonds. She was excited for him to do this for me and only commented to compliment. I now have a lovely solitaire engagement ring and a wedding band with a row of the smaller diamonds. My nan occasionally admires them but never comments on what I do whilst wearing them. Even though, years ago she had the extra diamonds set around the original diamond ring because she she likes bling.

BillSykesDog · 16/01/2017 02:10

I take mine off because I knocked a diamond out on the side of the bath. When you've done that you realise how easy it is to knock the stones out. I leave them with my Mum when I go on holiday and swim.

Peanutandphoenix · 16/01/2017 03:48

I take my rings off when I wash the dishes wash my hands or get in the shower but that's only because I get sore fingers if water gets under my rings.

EveOnline2016 · 16/01/2017 04:16

I don't take my wedding and engagement rings off either.

rollonthesummer · 16/01/2017 17:18

I always take my rings off as I don't want little scratches on my diamonds. Don't even wear them in bed, even that can scratch them

Scratches on diamonds?!Grin

Nicolette42 · 20/01/2017 17:22

A new ring would have coped but as rings get old, they do wear and the chances of losing inset stones increases - washing up will have no affect at all, not even on opals despite the rumours put about by DeBeers :-)

I lost a diamond from my antique engagement ring - no idea how or where - but this was bought, not inherited so only I cared.

I would be taking it a jeweller's and check if it's a bit 'tired' and needs more careful handling. The advice will be free and then you can decide how best to care for it.

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