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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
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haveacupoftea · 02/01/2017 10:34

You are being over sensitive. They arent annoyed, it was just inappropriate. Sort it out by returning it and you wont feel bad anymore.

Or, you could always just throw a tantrum and then agonise over your damaged relationship with DB for months.

Choose your next move wisely!

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges · 02/01/2017 10:35

My exMIL buys my children ridiculous things and frankly, it's soul destroying to sit there on Boxing Day putting 3 sacks worth of gifts from her (seriously) into keep/charity shop piles. And seeing the children take 5 or 6 items up to their room whilst the boot of the car is filled with charity shop donations.

She gives no thought as to whether her grandchildren would like the gifts, she just sees things on sale that are aimed at their age group and buys it. Or in some cases, not even at their age group. My son is 18 and most of the things she gets for him are similar to things he got rid of 10 years ago because he'd grown out of them.

It's nice to give presents, but when receiving them, it's actually really sad when you realise that such a close relative doesn't know the first thing about you.

Figure17a · 02/01/2017 10:35

Where does it say they were annoyed op? I think db has done his best to word it politely without actually lying

insancerre · 02/01/2017 10:36

"I just find it weird that I know feel awful at buying a gift. It's a present. People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided."

How do your presents normally go down?
MIL used to spend a fortune on buying totally inappropriate clothes for dd from m and s
I had to get dh to ask her to stop

Maybe the Lego was the last in the line of a long list of naff presents

SatsukiKusakabe · 02/01/2017 10:36

Well you shouldn't feel awful! It's not that big a deal. Do you have a strained relationship with your brother? Because I would not be offended by a text like that from mine and I'd probably say something jokily rude in return but then offer to swap the gift. I wouldn't get upset about it either way though, we'd have a laugh about it as a pp said.

croon979 · 02/01/2017 10:36

My 43 year old husband wanted kegs for Christmas and was delighted with it 😂👍. Age is not the issue. I think it was a brave decision to go 'off list'...

croon979 · 02/01/2017 10:37

*lego - not kegs! 😂

GashleyCrumbTiny · 02/01/2017 10:37

People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

True. But arguably, if you request feedback, they should guide you towards a more appropriate idea of what they/that person would like. The text was a bit rude, but you asked what he thought - better to know than waste your generosity in future!

sparechange · 02/01/2017 10:37

Where has he said he is annoyed?
He has said he 'wasn't impressed'

You are basically saying you expect people to lie and fake gratitude to mask your inability to buy appropriate presents. That's weird, I'm afraid

UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 02/01/2017 10:37

People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

Well, the fact is it is annoying, especially if you tried to help them not waste their money. It's like a message saying "I've no clue who you are and nor do I care and also, sod your list. I'll get you a totally inappropriate and condescending present and you just have to be grateful to me, me me meeeeee and if you aren't I'll be all offended and huffy." That's annoying, sorry OP but it is.

Lorelei76 · 02/01/2017 10:38

It was a polite reply trying to steer you away from making the same mistake again.

Scooby20 · 02/01/2017 10:39

People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

But your gift essentially says you know nothing about your nephew (and didnt when he was young), ignored what he did want and out no thought into a gift for him.

Plus you asked what he thought of it.

Tantrictantrum · 02/01/2017 10:39

You feel awful because it didn't go the way you wanted. So you wanted your brother to lie to you? How could he have phrased it to not hurt you? Your present sucked.

Like when my aunt asked did the pj's fit the dcs? No they didn't unfortunately they are in sizes bigger than their ages. It's ok though, they will fit X and y so won't get wasted. Next year - asked me their sizes and got it right.

MakeMyWineADouble · 02/01/2017 10:40

I don't think they were annoyed I think they were trying to help you! Your brother could have lied and said yeah it was fab and hopefully your nephew would have been polite enough to thank you but if you got more or asked him if he had played it only to find it hadn't been opened or whatever how much worse would that feel

HappyLittleCloud · 02/01/2017 10:40

OP don't feel bad! You can still sort this out, do what a previous poster said and get a refund and give him the cash instead.

With nieces and nephews I just stick to cash as gifts when they are 16+.

TaliDiNozzo · 02/01/2017 10:40

The text was definitely rude but I wouldn't let it dwell too much unless your brother has a history of rude behaviour (?). I get the impression that your nephew hadn't thanked you for the present, which is ruder than your brother's text.

I would reply and say that you feel it's time to cease the present giving etc. No need to be rude in response but I wouldn't personally be inclined to continue in these circumstances.

MrsMcMoo · 02/01/2017 10:40

It's a bit of a brusque reply, but it's a bit of an inappropriate gift for a 16 year old, unless he specifically likes Lego. Maybe he took it as patronising / you didn't care about him as a person / didn't accept that he'd grown up. Like getting Thomas the tank engine merchandise for a 12 year old. in future I'd stick to the list /give cash.

Hulababy · 02/01/2017 10:40

I think buying a teen or an adult Lego should only happen if you actually know the recipient is interested in it.

If there's a list you have asked for it been sent, so long as it has a wide range of items covering all budgets, then why go off it? Or at least choose something closer linked to it?

DearMrDilkington · 02/01/2017 10:41

Pirate Lego chessGrin.

Most random gift possible for a 16yr old.GrinGrin

Empress13 · 02/01/2017 10:41

Agree 16 is a bit old for lego more for 4-12 age group me thinks but his reply was very rude nonetheless.

As for posters to say how rude it is to do a list this goes to show that doing one and sticking to it would be more beneficial than wasting your money! Wouldn't you rather buy somebody a gift they really really want because I certainly would! OP either stick to the list in future or don't bother!

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 02/01/2017 10:41

Hells bells
I just find it weird that I know feel awful at buying a gift. It's a present. People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided
I didn't read anything about them being annoyed. You need to develop a thicker skin and laugh at yourself... It will endear you to your nephew and make up for buying a gift that hasn't quite "got" him. No shame in that- you are making it bigger and more serious than it need to be. Lighten up and laugh with him about it. You could even get to go shopping with him - and of you do that, you've turned it into a mega coup/ quodos

Empress13 · 02/01/2017 10:43

Just a thought but maybe its best he told you the truth in case you got him the same again again next year!

AnUtterIdiot · 02/01/2017 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2017 10:44

That text is something someone would suggest if you wrote on AIBU: 'My sister bought my 16 year old son Lego for xmas even though we'd sent a list of suggestions for things he liked because we know 16 year old boys are difficult to buy for.'

Some people would say it was entitled and grabby, but they're the kind of people who object to buying wedding presents off the list and deliberately buy something passive aggressive instead. Or something like this huge, ugly, impractical device I got for my wedding from a design-obsessed couple whose felt my list of towels and saucepans was too pedestrian for their taste and decided to make a statement.

Yes, it is my silver wedding this year. No, I'm still not over it. Wink

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?
areyoubeingserviced · 02/01/2017 10:45

Don't think there is anything wrong with lists. You buy what you can afford.
I don't want to waste my hard earned money on something the recepient will not like.