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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
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5
Ellisandra · 02/01/2017 10:24

From one of my siblings that would be honest and not rude. There's an "I'm afraid" and a "sorry".

And I'd just reply "present fail! Does he think I'm the crazy aunt now?! Put it aside - tell him I'll get a refund and he can have the cash".

You turn from crazy aunt (and over sensitive aunt) to nice normal person in one text Grin

OnionKnight · 02/01/2017 10:25

I don't think the reply was rude at all.

itsmine · 02/01/2017 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklyMagpie · 02/01/2017 10:25

5moreminutes I also think the OP was texting as she wanted to be thanked

I wouldn't randomly send a message like that unless we were having a conversation and it popped up

BearFeet · 02/01/2017 10:25

I can't imagine spending £40 on my nephew without checking with db first it was something he'd like.

You asked the question. You can't moan about the answer. Either don't ask or accept the answer.

Helloitsme87 · 02/01/2017 10:25

Going off the list isn't exactly helpful. And lego for a 16 year old. I think I'd be a bit peeved too. Especially as you paid £40 for it. What a waste. Just stick to the list, he's 16!

Scooby20 · 02/01/2017 10:26

'he was very grateful that you thought of him, but unfortunately never really got Lego, sorry.

And what if they dont think he was thought of. What if they think she just picked up something randon woth no thought at all. Since its a gift he has never been into.

5moreminutes · 02/01/2017 10:26
allowlsthinkalot · 02/01/2017 10:28

The 2yo with the spiderman craft kit isn't a stupid present. A lot of craft kits have an age guideline on them but it doesn't mean younger children can't do them, a lot of them are way too young for the age they're recommended for. And as others have said, he will grow into it!

Katy07 · 02/01/2017 10:28

Does anyone else think that actually the OP was texting asking to be thanked, which is rude in itself?
I was actually assuming that the OP hadn't been thanked & so the nephew was being rude (assuming OP gave nephew enough time to think about say thanks). If nephew had texted (I'm guessing a thank you note would be too old fashioned) OP and just said thanks for the present this wouldn't have happened. Next Xmas the nephew's parents could have said 'here's some ideas - he's really difficult to buy for so best to stick to the list or give vouchers'.
For an average 16 y.o. whose list doesn't include Lego it's a slightly odd choice. But poor manners to give that reply - it could have been worded better.
I'm delighted to know though that there are quite a few adult Lego enthusiasts out there - I thought I was just a bit odd Blush I'd love that chess set & might even buy it for myself Grin

bevelino · 02/01/2017 10:28

Your brother is doing you a favour by being completely honest.

pictish · 02/01/2017 10:29

I think the reply was blunt, which is kind of a meeting point between honest and rude. He's saying his son has never been into Lego and at 16 now, he's never going to be into Lego. So therefore Lego was a bad choice of gift for him and a waste of money for you.

I must confess I am rather puzzled by your gift choice too - I've had a look at the pirate chess set and it's a kiddy thing. I can totally see why Lego enthusiast adults would like it too, but it is a kiddy thing and does seem a bizarre gift for your nephew. Teen boys are notoriously difficult to buy for so I think the list was helpful.

I think your brother was probably just telling the truth and didn't bother to sugar coat it for you.
But rude I suppose...but honestly I do think it's better you know than waste time and money like that again.

notangelinajolie · 02/01/2017 10:29

What I'm not understanding is why didn't you ask on here BEFORE buying such a daft present? I'm sure the good mumsnetters would have put you on the right track. Did you ask the 45 year old who likes lego for advice? Or maybe you are the 45 year old.

1horatio · 02/01/2017 10:29

One of my brothers likes lego and chess as well.

My former stepbrother didn't have legos but loved building them with my little sister, I think it was an 'excuse' for him to do get to play with them.

However, there were suggestions, you didn't stick to them and you asked... so, idk. Maybe she thought you two had then relationships where one could be honest?
if she had said he loves it...

would you have given him legos the next year? Or for his birthday?

Original poster
Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 10:30

I just find it weird that I know feel awful at buying a gift. It's a present. People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 02/01/2017 10:31

I bought my son a pirate lego set , when he was 8! There was no way I would have bought it for him when he was 16Confused

greenfolder · 02/01/2017 10:31

16 stick with the list or dont bother.

Soubriquet · 02/01/2017 10:31

Dh loves Jurassic world

He has comics and toys and a very good collection building up

This does not mean that every man likes Jurassic world

Always stick to the list.

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges · 02/01/2017 10:31

I don't think the response was rude.

He's 16. My 18 year old always loved Lego, and still does, his dad got him a small set this Christmas. But if he'd never liked it it would have been ridiculous present to buy for him at 16.

Going off list is fine if you know the person well and have seen something that is perfect for them. Otherwise, stick to it, or what is the point?

As for this comment...

LEGO is a very expensive and generous gift, we love it in this house, adults included - your nephew and his dad sound like ungrateful shits tbh.

Surely you can see that if adults and children alike didn't love it, then it wouldn't be a great gift. You do understand that it went to someone else who has different tastes and interests, don't you?

Figure17a · 02/01/2017 10:32

This has actually got me quite irked. If you were an elderly neighbour who'd tried but git it wrong, if course polite thanks in order (although still rude if them to put the giver on the spot but asking how gift was received)

However, this is your brother I'd hare to be part of a family where a straight answer to a closed question with the aim if avoidung wasted cash in the future was considered rude.

He did say thank you for thinking of him,at the same time as telling you the gift wasn't appropriate and why, after you'd asked.

Kleinzeit · 02/01/2017 10:32

I can read what your brother said in an apologetic tone of voice and it's fine. Or I can read it in a brisk no-nonsense tone of voice and it's rude. So you should have asked how the present was received in words face to face or on the phone. Don't ask delicate questions by text!

GreenTureen · 02/01/2017 10:32

Oh dear...if it's the lego chess set linked earlier, I looked at this for ds1 as he loves chess.

On reflection, I considered it a bit young looking for him...he's nearly 9! Grin

Sorry op but you were so far off the mark I think you were asking for that reply tbh. I don't know what possessed you to buy such a young-looking childs toy for a 16 year old.

Adnerb95 · 02/01/2017 10:33

In writing is never the best way to say something "difficult" as it can easily come across more blunt than intended. From a sibling, as someone else said, this is just being honest.
And although there ARE Lego sets for adults they are really aimed at people who are already geekily obsessed interested in this stuff. Certainly not for your average 16-year-old!

UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 02/01/2017 10:33

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

Are you my mum? She gets presents that are nothing to do with the person they are for, because she wants to think of herself as original and imaginative. But a present should be something the person likes and wants. And the "thought that counts" should mean actual thought about who that person is. Maybe you were given the list because they wanted you to do that?

I'd be really grateful for a list in this scenario, as teens are very hard to buy for as they have specific tribes/tastes and things they are into. It's not necessarily grabby, it depends on how it was done.

Adnerb95 · 02/01/2017 10:34

X-posted with klein

Yes to this ^