Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Simonneilsbeard · 02/01/2017 10:45

No I don't think they are annoyed at the gift op. I'm sure that wasn't the intention but to let you know not to waste your money in future.
I agree with a pp text back and laugh it off and offer to give him the receipt to exchange the gift.

teddygirlonce · 02/01/2017 10:46

I agree that some Lego sets would be suitable for a 16 year old and even adults (the ones of iconic buildings/Star Wars/Hobbit/Lord of the Rings ...). However, I think that someone of that age would have to be really into it to appreciate it as a gift. No, no, no if they've never previously shown any interest in it.

TheStoic · 02/01/2017 10:47

This thread is almost mumsnet bingo.

5moreminutes · 02/01/2017 10:48

The Lego fans on here are being very obtuse - Lego is a great present for adults who love Lego.

Wine is a great present for adults who love wine.

A specialised book on computer programming is a great present for somebody who you know very much wants that exact book and doesn't have it yet.

The Lego is not necessarily a great present for the wine lover, the programming book might not be remotely useful to the Lego fan, the computer programmer might be teetotal and have no use for the wine...

Surely it doesn't require spelling out that just because you like Lego that doesn't mean it is a good present for everyone - I might be absolutely delighted to receive a DVD of an Art House film in French only, or a 3 foot tall cut glass Minnie Mouse Figurine for some reason Hmm, doesn't mean I should buy either for my cousin who doesn't speak French or like Minnie Mouse but loves Lego, just because we are both adults Hmm

As others are saying thoughtful and original gifts are great if they actually are thoughtful - buying somebody something they have never had any interest in, which is marketed at much younger children and only of interest to a niche group of older people who have always enjoyed that specific type of toy, just because you are also buying that for somebody totally different is not by any stretch of the imagination thoughtful.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 02/01/2017 10:48

I agree with one of the replies that suggests, "I won't be doing presents in future" then leave it at that.
Maybe the Lego was a bad idea but it was rude of them to say so. I never ask what people think of presents as it's just asking for trouble.

I got some Lego for Christmas last year and I love it - I'm 60 plus.

Olympiathequeen · 02/01/2017 10:48

Lego for a 16 yo!

What do you expect? YABU

TalkingSheds · 02/01/2017 10:50

Lego architecture might have been a better choice for him.
I do think you're brother was rude though.

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?
wigglesrock · 02/01/2017 10:50

What was on the original list? Surely even if you didn't want to buy from the list you still could have got a fair idea of what your nephew might like? The gift should be about the recipient not the giver. I never understand people that buy presents that they think they would like to receive as opposed to what the person might want.
It would be a bit like buying me a £40 bottle of wine, I don't drink - haven't done since I was much younger. Surely you'd rather I told you that than you buy the same kind of present again or would you rather be a bit contrary about it and stop buying presents because I wasn't appreciative enough?

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2017 10:50

People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

'New Year's Eve 2016 marked one year since my alcoholic BIL gave up drinking. It's been a struggle but everyone in the family is so proud of him. AIBU to regift him the liqueur chocolates I got in the office Secret Santa?'

HSMMaCM · 02/01/2017 10:51

Did he realise it was a chess set, or just see lego and throw it aside. He could have just exchanged it for something else.

Original poster
Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 10:51

He still has soft cuddly toys that he takes with him when he comes to stay and isn't your usual 16 year old boy. Hence my confusion :) I thought it was a fun nerdy gift. I'll get him an Amazon voucher next year

OP posts:
pklme · 02/01/2017 10:51

I'm sorry, but you shouldn't have asked if you weren't prepared to accept the answer. My DM constantly buys poor choices for mine. Luckily she never asks if they liked it.

How would you like him to have answered, given that the boy wasn't keen?

flumpybear · 02/01/2017 10:52

Rude!! But if I was spending £40 I'd make sure it was on their Christmas list!

HappyLittleCloud · 02/01/2017 10:52

Not doing presents in future is a ridiculous suggestion! What has the nephew done to deserve that?

321zerobaby · 02/01/2017 10:52

Are you going to give him the receipt so he can exchange it?

manhowdy · 02/01/2017 10:52

Shit present for a 16 year old to be fair. Not that I like 'lists' particularly either.

Your brother was a bit tactless. He should have lied to you (I would have done). But at least it saves you wasting your money next year.

LagunaBubbles · 02/01/2017 10:53

I must have a very unusual DS and DH then as I bought this a few years ago for my DH and got my 14 year old a few Lego sets this Christmas, including the Ghostbusters car and WallE. But yes I would agree it's a bit of a risk OP, I knew my DS would love them.

clarinsgirl · 02/01/2017 10:53

Lists are very useful. We do Amazon lists that kids (older) do themselves. That way I know I'm buying nieces and nephews something they actually want and not buying duplicate gifts. It's not grabby, it's sensible. I don't really understand why you didn't buy off the list. You bought your nephew an odd present for a 16 year old, that wasn't on the list and was actually the same present as you bought someone else. That's the opposite of thoughtful.

Scooby20 · 02/01/2017 10:54

My teen dd stil has cuddly toys and loves marvel. But if you bought a marvel lego set it would be pointless as she has never liked lego.

Dd revels in her geekyness. Doesnt mean she likes lego.

Does your nephew have a thing for pirates, at least?

seven201 · 02/01/2017 10:54

It's a poor gift choice but a rude response. Your brother should have responded honestly but with some manners too! Either don't buy gifts, stick with the list or if you really want to go off list at least include a gift receipt.

myusernamewastaken · 02/01/2017 10:55

The text is a bit rude.....but you asked the question and they gave you a truthful answer....if you'd been given suggestions but got the Lego instead then i think it is mostly your fault.

Soubriquet · 02/01/2017 10:55

My nan is terrible for this

Her thought process

"She loves Disney dolls...so I give her one from the pound shop, I could also give her 10 more for the exact same price"

It never works like that

LAlady · 02/01/2017 10:57

My 16 year old son would think I'd gone mad if I gave him lego. In fact he sold all his lego when we moved house in the summer. He hadn't played with it for a long time.

Perhaps that reply was to ensure you didn't buy it again. Although I think there might've been a more diplomatic way of saying it.

OliviaStabler · 02/01/2017 10:58

It's a present. People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

While the text was very tactless, it was truthful and I could see why there is a tone of annoyance. You were given a list of things the boy really wanted yet you disregarded that and went off and bought an inappropriate present. Christmas morning comes round and he opens your gift to find a kiddies toy there. I don't care that 'some adults like lego'. I am sure they do but unless you know a 16 year old is into it, it looks like you are a batty aunt who still thinks of him as a 7 year old.

YABU.

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges · 02/01/2017 10:59

Cuddly toys and lego are not the same thing though Confused

I like playing the clarinet. It doesn't mean I want a book on panthers.