Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SoupDragon · 02/01/2017 10:07

I did buy DS1 (17) "Lego" for Christmas but it was the nano stuff to build Pikachu (he's a fan!) and he always enjoyed Lego.

BIgBagofJelly · 02/01/2017 10:08

I'm not surprised he didn't want the lego but the reply was incredibly rude.

SparklyMagpie · 02/01/2017 10:08

I can't stop laughing at this Grin

I was a little Confused at the beginning and that's before you then told us it was also a chess set Grin

If you'd like it for yourself, give him the £40 and get it back ha

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/01/2017 10:08

My friend bought my 2-y-old a Spider-Man craft kit thing for ages 5 and up. It's no good to him whatsoever, but I would NEVER tell her that. It will probably go in the present cupboard but she will never know, and that's OK with me.

Difference is that your son will grow old enough to use that gift.

A 16 year old isn't going to grow into a gift for a 7+ are they.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 02/01/2017 10:08

I hate these lists of things to buy, seems very grabby and spoilt!

Unless you're asking for the moon on a stick, why is it grabby and spoilt? Unless like the OP you want to carry on wasting your money on stuff people don't want. I'd rather my gifts didn't end up in the charity shop after new year.

Wheelerdeeler · 02/01/2017 10:09

Once my nephew turned 12 I text him to ask what he'd like for Christmas. Wouldn't dream of lego even though he'll happily play with my son in my house.

Reply wasn't rude. You asked, you got a response. I'd offer to return it.

FrancisCrawford · 02/01/2017 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MakeMyWineADouble · 02/01/2017 10:10

If this was the other way round though and you knew your brother had spent that much money on a gift for you or your children that wasn't there thing would you tell him?? I would genuinely rather be told if I get a gift people don't like so I can swap it for something they do or at least know so I don't get something similar in the future!! I get he didn't world it well but roles reversed what would you say to him??

Simonneilsbeard · 02/01/2017 10:11

Just because something is aimed at adults doesn't mean all adults are going to like it.
Unless you'd ever seen your 16 nephew actually build anything with Lego then I think a Lego set was pretty risky. My ten year old plays with it occasionally but it has to be a specific type of lego. My 14 year old however wouldn't look at it. I think over the age of 10 or 12 it becomes a bit of a niche hobby so unless you're certain the person likes it spending £40 was daft.
However you're brother was a little rude but he told the truth.
Gift cards are the way to go for teenagers Iv found.

Scooby20 · 02/01/2017 10:11

It wasnt thoughtful then yiu bought iy becsuse you would have liked it and becsuse some other man liked it.

Thats not thinking of the person you are buying for.

Figure17a · 02/01/2017 10:13

You put your brother in a really difficult position (which was rude). Would you have preferred him to lie to you?

Ime lists are a genuine attempt to help people who would not have a clue otherwise. If I was determined to go off list, unless I knew the recipient very well, I'd still check with their nearest and dearest that it was suitable, especially if spending as much as £40

TheDuchessOfKidderminster · 02/01/2017 10:13

I like it and would be happy if someone bought it for me (I wasn't ever particularly interested in Lego and I'm now 35 and haven't played with Lego for a long time now!). 16 year olds are well known for being arses though so I'm not at all surprised he didn't like it. Your brother's text was rude though - he could have made the same point much more tactfully. I think you should just send a gift voucher next time though (which I consider to be a pretty 'thoughtless' gift but at least can't be thrown back at you like that).

MrEBear · 02/01/2017 10:14

Very odd choice for a 16 yo. Even if he was still into Lego most adults have a specific range that they collect.
I definitely think brother was trying to be honest and avoid a repeat for birthday and next Christmas.

ExcellentWorkThereMary · 02/01/2017 10:14

I think if this were the other way round - "my sister bought a rather odd present for my 16yr old son, a Lego set aimed at age 7+, we'd sent a list so she could get some ideas about what he is into so it was an odd choice, he's never been into Lego! She's just text and asked if he likes it. wWYD?" you would definitely get people saying "you need to politely let her know, if you say he liked it he will get kids Lego sets for every birthday and Christmas now!"

It must have been disappointing if you genuinely thought he would love it and you were way off the mark, and perhaps there was a nicer way of wording the text but I think your brother was right to let you know. Every year I moan about MIL (but not to her face cos I'm a coward!) because she refuses to look at lists or ideas for the kids and then buys them wildly inappropriate gifts (this year my 10yr old got something which said 3+ on it, a Spider-Man toy!). I find it really frustrating cos it is a waste of her money and just highlights how little she knows them.

Sorry OP this is a difficult situation all round!

5moreminutes · 02/01/2017 10:14

Does anyone else think that actually the OP was texting asking to be thanked, which is rude in itself?

Its normal to ask whether somebody liked a present as part of a conversation, but not to send a text asking only whether somebody's older teen liked a present you sent them.

The text meant "why haven't you made your teenager write me a thank you letter for the utterly random present I sent? Get on with being grateful to me for buying him something which shows you I have no interest at all in him as an individual likes and dislikes, as I picked it up because I know a middle aged man who plays with lego and thought that would do for a 16 year old who doesn't, it's the price that counts"

BigGreenOlives · 02/01/2017 10:15

You don't actually know the 45 year old liked the Lego pirate chess set, all you know is that they thanked you appropriately.

Daisychain2017 · 02/01/2017 10:16

The reply is rude but Lego is way way too young for a 16 year old. Stick to their list in future.

Toadinthehole · 02/01/2017 10:17

OP, have you ignored the list in previous years? If so, it may be that your DB may have decided that bluntness is now necessary.

I can understand why you feel stung. However, the truth is that a good many people - me included - prefer to receive something we've asked for.

EweAreHere · 02/01/2017 10:17

I don't think your brother's response was rude at all.

You asked him a pointed question.

He politely told you his son didn't like it. And he gently pointed out that even as a kid he didn't like lego, and he's not even a kid anymore. He's 16 now. And it came with a 'sorry'.

He was trying to soften the expectation while trying to make you think about who and how old your nephew is so you don't waste that amount of money on something not even in the ballpark next time.

I wish DH's extended family had asked in advance. We had similar problems from DH's side, showing they didn't think about who our children are and how old and big they are. :/

ClashCityRocker · 02/01/2017 10:19

I'm torn on this. If I was spending forty quid on something for a sixteen year old I would definitely want ideas. It's a tough age group to get right.

And if someone had spent forty quid on something for my hypothetical kid that wasn't going to get used or was totally unsuited to him and asked me if they'd liked it, I would feel uncomfortable lying on their behalf, in case next birthday or Christmas they effectively wasted their money again.

On the other hand, he could have said something like 'he was very grateful that you thought of him, but unfortunately never really got Lego, sorry.'

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2017 10:20

The text isn't rude. It's factual and informative. He even said sorry.

Rude would be saying: 'We've given your fucking rubbish present to the poor children and they pissed themselves laughing. 1/10.'

Take it as well-meant advice and either never go off list again or give cash or nothing at all.

Kirriemuir · 02/01/2017 10:23

I don't think the text is rude particularly after being given a list and not buying something from it.

Can you please take the Lego back and give him the cash? You don't buy a 16 year old Lego.

haveacupoftea · 02/01/2017 10:23

If you dont want to hear the truth, dont ask the question!

I think you should send the receipt so he can return it, and just stick £20 in a card from now on. I do the same for my teenage brother, i've no idea what he is into these days but he always needs money.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 02/01/2017 10:24

OP how often do you see them? My first thought at the 'now he is 16' part of the text was that they felt the need to point out that he has grown older, maybe because you are not in touch often? It's the sort of comment one might make if you had been out of their children's lives for too long and then sent an age-inappropriate gift.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/01/2017 10:24

Yes the present was odd. Unless as others say. He really into it. He's 16 not 6.
However it was more rude of him. Than, it was odd of you. There's a time and place for every thing, honesty included.

Swipe left for the next trending thread