AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

[Hellsbells35]

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

It was honest. Did you want him to lie? Bizarre choice if present for a 16 year old.

The reply was rude. But unless a 16 yo has a special interest in lego it's a bit random and not really age appropriate. Why nothing off the list? Your Db could have phrased his response better but prob trying to prevent future gifts of lego.

My 17 year old DS still likes Lego but it's not to play with - that would be weird 😀 He likes to collect the Star Wars stuff and displays it in his bedroom. He enjoys building the stuff and recently bought the Millenium Falcon which is fab. He is a normal teenager, very into gaming etc so not that unusual. However, don't think he would have been too thrilled with a pirate chess set I'm afraid and there is no way on this earth we would have sent a reply like that.

I'd still like to know why a) the OP is so adamant she won't get DN something off the list and b) she won't exchange gift for something he would like

You know all the 'I still buy cuddly toys/lego/bird games for my adult partner' posters are the ones who turn into the MILs from hell who insist on buying gender stereotype toys and Disney princess tat for their GCs and then wonder why their DILs ask for vouchers...

Not really spare...

I buy DH Jurassic park themed products. Wouldn't buy my nephew them though unless it was what he wanted

I just can't look past how bad a present it is.

I appreciate that Lego is a niche interest for some adults, but I wouldn't think to buy it for anyone who doesn't have a specific interest in it (particularly a set which is designed for age 7+). If I received it I'd politely thank the purchaser but it'd be going straight to a charity shop.

YABU. Unless you specifically know a 16 year old is into Lego, you don't buy that. A list was provided, I don't know why you felt the need to try and be different. That is clearly a set aimed at children. There are brilliant sets aimed at adults but you don't have that excuse to fall back on. While your brother's reply seemed a bit abrupt, I think you did actually need to know.

I don't understand why the OP went off list and its pointless saying my DH or adult DS or DB love lego blah blah, the nephew has never been nor is currently interested in it. How is this a more thoughtful gift than buying something the poor kid actually wanted?

I would take a bet the OP got a cheap deal (3 for 2 maybe) which makes giving the receipt to her brother rather difficult since she probably didn't pay £40 for it at all.

the posts saying adults like lego were in response to those who said that lego was too childish for a 16 year old,and no teen likes lego etc.
This particlar set was too young for a 16 year old though.

By the look of it there's hardly any actual building to be done.

All the adult Lego builders I know like the really complex stuff.

Sounds like a slightly-too-honest reply... a little rude, but you did ask for an opinion, so I'm not sure if he was out of line or not tbh.

Also, lego sells VERY well on ebay. So if he doesn't like it all he has to do is sell it on, and he'll prob get almost the RRP anyway... with that in mind, as your brother I would have probably stretched the truth a little and said thanks it was a lovely present but I'm not sure how into lego he is now – perhaps he will enjoy later on... or something.

p.s. my youngest brother is 16 (17 in 10 days) and still enjoys lego. He might not ask for it for Xmas but most definitely would still enjoy it. So lego-loving older teenagers do exist

Things never come across well on text, and replies appear ruder than they are meant to be, but having had teens myself, I would never buy a Christmas present without checking it is suitable. If in doubt, give money or vouchers...not lego.

I feel quite sad for you OP. If the boy was into chess and this gift was chosen with that predominantly in mind then I would deem it suitable. Not only that but I raise my children that if our 16 year old got a pink baby doll they would smile, say thank you and appreciate that someone has just spent money on what they thought would be nice. Manners. It's not hard. If you can't say anything nice, say nothing!

Sorry op, but buying Lego for a 16 year old who didn't even like it as a child isn't a good present.

I can't believe some people can't believe about present lists. If we don't do them in my family you end up with so much rubbish you don't want, and all of us stressed out about what to buy each other. We just have general, not always specific lists. It's ok to go off the lists but it's possible it might go wrong. I went wrong this year with a crap present but we laughed it off. Not all teens like Lego but I know blokes who do. I think it was rude but probably trying to save you £40 on a present he didn't want?

Just guessing, but I think the OP has probably got the message by now that it wasn't the best choice of present.

Ah, never ask a question if you might not like the answer! If you had a list of what he wanted, it was a little foolish to go 'off-list'.

I actually don't think the answer was rude even. The brother (father of the child) starts with sorry. Then honestly says his son wasn't impressed especially as he had never liked lego.

Why did OP even ask?

Having asked why be upset? It is definitely the type of thing you'd only buy a 16 year old (or even a 20 year old) if they were into it.

Everyone knows cash is what a 16 year okd wants!

Also the gift was not "thoughtful " which would imply buying something they are into (he is not). OP asked because she wanted praise for the £40 gift!

You asked, and your db answered. Not the answer you wanted, but it was the truth. Don't want the answer? Don't ask. He did you a favour actually. Now you don't have to waste £40 again on something your dn doesn't actually like.

You could volunteer to send the receipt so that your dn can swap it for something that he'd prefer. That would be thoughtful. Or you can take offence and never send him a present again. Completely up to you.

(Sorry op, it was a very high risk choice for a 16 yr old. You obviously don't know him as well as you thought and that's why lists are actually really helpful..)

If you don't know that the 16 year old likes Lego, this does look like an insulting gift for a 16 year old.

I expect your brother and his son have been trying to tell you for years that the presents you buy him are nothing like what he would like, and they are wastes of money.

Lego for a 16 year old? still, very rude and I would stop giving presents to him now/

I expect your brother was annoyed and I don't blame him really

In our family we have budgets for all the DNs and we all agree prior to Xmas. We all provide ideas if asked and I feel we all try to choose things with the child in mind. I go to a lot of thought with my dn and if my child got something they didn't use I would be miffed - why agree to set budget and share ideas - I may as use the money to buy my own child something they like.

It's embarrassing for the child too knowing they're interests haven't been considered