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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
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5
RebelRogue · 02/01/2017 13:02

YABU

  1. Don't ask a question if you don't want an honest answer.
  2. You would've liked the set,your brothers like lego,your nephew just likes chess. So how exactly was this a thoughtful present? You considered what your mates like,what you like,what your brothers like..when choosing a present for your nephew!
squiggleirl · 02/01/2017 13:02

I don't think the reply was rude. It was honest, not rude.

OP solicited a response relating to the gift from her brother. She directly asked if her nephew liked it. Yes, it would be lovely to hear he loved it, but it would be wrong to have an expectation of being told it was a great gift when it wasn't. Texting isn't the best way to communicate, but if you're going to approach this via text, expect a short response via text, which did include an apology.

Bottom line, an age 7+ Lego kit isn't aimed at an older audience. It is aimed at children, and may be of interest to an older audience. But a child who wasn't interested in Lego, is unlikely to develop an interest in Lego as a teenager. It's not impossible, but if hoping for some sort of change in interests, it would be wise to check with parents first. Just because the OP knows an adult liked this set, and the recipients parent likes Lego, doesn't mean this teenager will.

It was a poorly judged gift, and it's not rude to point this out when specifically asked if he liked it. There is a big difference between nodding and smiling when receiving a gift, and when a third party is asked specifically if it was well-received, giving an honest response.

SmellyChristmasCandles · 02/01/2017 13:04

I don't understand the hatred of lists. We had lists when dcs were younger because so many people would ask for ideas. Our lists were always varied both in content and price to allow choice for the buyer. Occasionally we asked for cash to help when dcs were saving for something special - they bought decent bicycles and other 'bigger'items by doing this. I wish people would ask for ideas rather than spending a lot of money on gifts that are just not suitable as happens to us quite often.

I think a Lego set for a 16 year old is rather unusual, especially when you don't know that it's a particular interest. My two loved Lego when they were little, but had pretty much grown out of it by about 12.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 02/01/2017 13:06

No, that is just stealth list giving with the expectation that only gifts on the list will be welcomed. Still rude.

As long as the list is varied and not extravagant I really don't see the problem for close family. For many people present buying is hard work and a list can be a thoughtful way to take some of the pressure off.

Pheebs770 · 02/01/2017 13:06

Why do you have to wait till next year? Exchange it for the voucher now

kel12345 · 02/01/2017 13:06

The reply was rude, but Lego for a 16 year old is a bit of a silly present really

AlabasterSnowball · 02/01/2017 13:13

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face

But if he's not into Lego and never has been then it's not thoughtful or imaginative is it?
I think there's much more to this than a badly chosen gift anyway

Orangetoffee · 02/01/2017 13:14

DS likes lego but the sets he is interested in now at the age of 15 cost a couple of hundred pounds so he rather has something else. I don't think he was interested in pirates after the age of 7.

I don't see a problem with lists at all. So It's ok to make a list for Santa but not for family Confused

SheldonCRules · 02/01/2017 13:15

Why can't you exchange it this year instead so he gets a present he likes and you haven't wasted your money?

Or was it a 3 for 2 as lego often is so can't be returned without the others?

Yoarchie · 02/01/2017 13:17

He could eBay it and make a tidy profit.

lyricaldancer · 02/01/2017 13:20

Some of the lego sets are recommended for 16+.
Regardless, the correct response is 'lovely thank you' or something similarly suitable along those lines.

Willow2016 · 02/01/2017 13:22

Unless he is a fan of lego and/or chess and you knew he definately was then its a bit odd to get a 16yr old a lego chess set. Just because you know someone who likes it doesnt mean all boys like it at 16. Both my kids loved lego and have some great sets but my 14yr old probably wouldnt thank you for it now, but my 11yr old is mad on it, think he is going to be an engineer when he grows up as he is always making complicated things from it off you tube videos. (He wants to work at lego though! Xmas Smile)

You had a list you didnt use it. You decided that he should like the thing you bought him, but you got it wrong. Its a bit crap to recieve a present that you totaly wont use or remotely like even if it is from your auntie.

Dont be stroppy, you asked and were told the truth. Next year either stick to the list or give money/gift token for something he IS into. Dont fall out over a lego set.

Ask for it back, see if you can return it and give him the money instead.

You made a misteak its not the end of the world. Not worth losing family good will over.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 02/01/2017 13:23

I'm struggling to understand the number of people who think the OP has done something really awful. She bought a present and tried to be thoughtful but got it a bit wrong. There are people on the thread who say that they'd appreciate that present or have teenagers who would so it's not like she bought him a kettle.
The reply from the brother was rude. No way do you ever answer like that when someone asks if you liked a present. I don't think I'd have asked if they liked it though- sounds a bit like you're after a thank you

timelytess · 02/01/2017 13:25

the only problem with lego for a sixteen-year-old is that he'll probably be too self-conscious to use it. I bought my son in law lego for his birthday last month - he's 34. he enjoyed building it. that's fine.
OP, definitely give advance notice that he's too old for gifts now.

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2017 13:26

Regardless, the correct response is 'lovely thank you' or something similarly suitable along those lines.

Willow2016 · 02/01/2017 13:26

There isnt anything wrong with lists as long as they are not greedy or ott.

My kids gp's always ask what the kids want and I give them a list of options to chose from. Saves them wasting their money (although they always get a couple of wee surprises too) on something they wont use .

MsMarvel · 02/01/2017 13:32

I'm really curious as to what sort of things were actually on his list.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 02/01/2017 13:34

'm really curious as to what sort of things were actually on his list.

Me too - would be interesting to know how off piste OP went!

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 02/01/2017 13:35

I would also like to know what was on his list.....
Why not send the receipt to him so he can exchange it otherwise a real waste of money,

Terri26 · 02/01/2017 13:36

The brother's reply wasn't rude at all. He even said sorry. It could have said my son isn't into lego at all. We gave you a list so you would know what type of interests he had. Buying lego for a teenager who it seems has never shown an interest in leg was ridiculous and if the pretended he likes it you may have continues to keep buying him stuff he isn't interested in. You chose lego because YOU liked the idea of being different or maybe you like lego. When I buy presents I tryl to think what the person I'm buying for would like. Your repose is OTT. You took a chance but it didn't work.

SheldonCRules · 02/01/2017 13:42

Why should the brother have to lie to his own sister? Isn't it better he tells her the truth so that she doesn't continue to waste her money?

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2017 13:42

My husband's business partner has bought us cheese and a panatone for the past four years

Panettone is one of the worst xmas gifts ever. Dry cake with bits in. My husband gives them out - he has a vaguely Italian-flavoured business. Customers seem pleased but I warn him: 'Bring one of those home and you're sleeping in the shed until you've eaten every last crumb.'

limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2017 13:50

it's not like she bought him a kettle.

Kettles are useful presents. Much more so than Lego. According to many of the threads I read on Mumsnet he's 16 so could be married with children or in the Army now and grateful for somewhere to boil his socks and have a Pot Noodle.

And it could be one of these ones which is even in the sale

DailyFail1 · 02/01/2017 13:57

Honest. Not rude. Lego kits are expensive & if the kid doesn't like it it's a waste of money. I do find it strange you got any 16 yo Lego though.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 02/01/2017 14:02

Using the word sorry doesn't stop something being rude. I could say "I'm sorry but you are a cunt" not polite.
The polite thing to say would have been that he liked it or "I'm really sorry sister but he isn't that into lego. It was really thoughtful, though, and very generous of you"
And I disagree with this teaching dishonesty thing. If someone asked you if they looked nice would you reply "no, I think you're ugly and you've got shit hair" just in case a passing child heard you lie? Obviously not.
Children need to learn more complex etiquette like being gracious when someone gives you a gift.