AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

[Hellsbells35]

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

lbsjob
My 1 year old got a coat hanger with a Telly Tubby's head impaled onto it - to make it a lovely baby present😱

I think I may have been rendered speechless temporarily

Look at the message again
He does say "I'm afraid " and sorry

I don't think he's being sarcastic, he's just telling you like it is.
How would you like him to tell you that his son wasn't impressed?
It's not worth falling out about

The trouble with asking the question is does your brother lie to you and run the risk of you paying for something like that again or tell you the truth which hurts. Teens are hard to buy for,never get something you think they will like if they are worth buying for ask for specifics or you are throwing your money away.

I get that adults enjoy Lego. I like Disney myself, but I wouldn't buy anyone else anything Disney unless I knew they liked it.

I think it's a pretty specific gift and that if you were planning on getting it you could have asked his parents if he actually likes Lego.

I don't think the message was rude. There was an apology. It doesn't sound like he would have brought it up with you had you not specifically asked.

Does your brother know your attitude toward his DS?

You saying he's 'unusual' and the thing about the cuddly toys - it sounds very...snotty. Like you think his son is a weirdo.

If you buy random presents whilst not so secretly telling yourself your nephew is a bit strange so he'll probably like them I can see why frustration might build up tbh.

Buy something from the list. Stop seeing the nephew you expect, start seeing the young man he actually is.

There's a lot of people on here who don't know a lot about Lego. It's moved on a lot.
There are quite complicated kits with motors, hydrolics, gears etc.
My 60 year friend got The Yellow Submarine kit, another friend in his early 50's got a second extensive lego kit for Xmas, it going to take some time to complete.
I dislike Xmas gift lists, to me they take the pleasure out of giving.
I'd give him a £20.00 voucher next time op.

Have as many lists as you like. But unless someone requests a list it is extremely rude to supply one and even worse to bitch about gifts received that are not on 'the list' if that person never asked for one.

There is lego for adults

No there really isn't.

Lego can be quite awesome. But they gave you a list, you didn't stick to it and decided to take your chances... and it just didn't pan out.

The response was a bit rude but better than lying and you giving him legos for his birthday and next Christmas...

I can see that you thought your present would be liked and you're disappointed. That's the problem when you go off list (and I do too!), it's a gamble. This year you got it wrong. And while I think that kids should write thank you letters or even texts nowadays, so I can see why you asked (you genuinely thought you'd bough something nice and wanted to know), asking also carries the risk of them telling you the truth. From what I read, they didn't lie because they were a bit shocked themselves by your choice (as were most people on here, let's face it). I think not lying to you was in the hope you don't spent money on something he clearly wouldn't want the next year...

My husband's business partner has bought us cheese and a panatone for the past four years. We don't even like cheese. I search for lovely things every year for them, and I really want to tell them I don't like it, but can't, so every year I thank them and put the cheese in the fridge until it's gone off! If they caught me on a bad day and asked how the cheese was I might just be honest too!

Have as many lists as you like. But unless someone requests a list it is extremely rude to supply one and even worse to bitch about gifts received that are not on 'the list' if that person never asked for one.

I think it is perfectly possible to send someone a list politely without being demanding or grabby.

"Hi Sis,

I know DN is at that age where it can be tricky to think of presents so I thought it might be helpful for us to share his Christmas list with you in case you are stuck for ideas.

Love DBro"

legos

Say after me

Lego Lego Lego

This is not the USA

No, that is just stealth list giving with the expectation that only gifts on the list will be welcomed. Still rude.

Slarti, Yes there is Lego for adults. I bought dh (55), the new Caterham Lego kit for Christmas, as he has a Caterham parked in the garage, and he wanted the kit. Many other Caterham enthusiasts have had input into the kit, and have also bought it.

The pirate chess set is cutesy, but you'd have to be a big lego fan - or 7 - to want it. Even as an adult fan, it's something you'd get much use out of - it's a novelty gift, that's all.

You took a punt, you got it wrong, never mind - find the receipt and exchange it for something he does want. You asked for feedback, you got it.

If I was a 16 yr old, I would have been quite upset by receiving something like that, because it looks like you don't know their tastes at all, or if might feel like you're having some sort of joke at their expense. If he does have younger tastes in some things, it might have felt like a dig.

Lego? For a 16 year old? EH????

Saying "he wasn't impressed I'm afraid" just makes the nephew sound a spoilt snowflake.

The exact same sentiment could have been conveyed with much less rudeness.

It was incredibly rude to say that regardless of what they actually thought.
I think the problem with the present is that you have given it to someone who is an adolescent and trying to become and act like an adult. Because its lego, any teenager would regard that as childish. An older person wouldn't have the same hang ups. They would see the 'fun' element of it.
It is still very rude.

My SIL does this, she called me to ask what my 9 year old (boy/girl) twins would like. I said some sort meccano or lego and to get them the same or similar as my DD is not very girly. She bought the boy a telescope and a the girl adult colouring book and pencils. Although my DD has been brought up not to be ungrateful, I could see she was suffering from present envy. Why call and ask if not going to bother?

still, it could be worse, at least I managed to jack in the adult gift swapping. She would spend a lot of money on expensive house tat she she likes. The Royal Doulton porcelain squirrel that opened at the waist to reveal toothpicks was the final straw and I suggested we buy for the children only.

Brother should have said "it was very kind of you to think of him."

It carries the clear message that it was not a great choice of gift but in time honoured non committal polite Britishism.

I always pop a gift receipt into my DNs' gifts so they or a parent can return it if it's unsuitable.

Because its lego, any teenager would regard that as childish.
suspect you dont know a variety of teenagers. Some teenagers might find it childish,many such as my dc and their mates wouldnt.

I bought some Lego for my brother's 18th. It was a novelty and the kit was under £20. He enjoyed building something with DS a few months earlier, but I wouldn't expect him to have a serious interest in it. His main gift was cash which he tends to use to save for items for his expensive hobby.

The teenage years are awkward. Unless you KNOW that someone is into something like Lego, most people of that age group will perceive it as a patronising toy. Yes many adults like Lego, but they'll have specific interests in what they collect.

If you're given a list, stick with it. Or cash.

My family set up is such that my DDs (in their early teens now) only ever receive Christmas and birthday gifts from 4 people - family members - other than what they have from DH and I. 2 people gave them cash this Christmas meaning they received a total of £40 each which is lovely. The other people never ask what the girls want and spent a similar amount on things that they hate or cannot use - hat and gloves sets they'll never wear from top end shops or, expensive toiletries that they are allergic to.

My DDs have been trained from toddlers to appear pleased and grateful when given a gift, but they have also become accustomed to being disappointed and its a shame. I do feel like sending messages saying please don't do that every year but you just can't can you, you just can't say anything. I feel sad for my kids when I can't provide everything they need let alone everything they'd like, and people who could give them a £10 note and make them so happy but instead plump for a £30 box set from Boots that has to go straight to the charity shop.

I wish there was an accepted way of saying something without causing hurt feelings and offence.

Why are lists rude? This seems like such a MN thing to me. Surely the point of present buying is that the recipient should enjoy it?

If the point is the thought, and only the thought, then compose a poem or interpretative dance. Don't buy stuff that will just fill up relatives houses and never be used.