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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
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5
Lunde · 02/01/2017 11:34

I think that you put your brother in an awkward position when you asked such a pointed question - did you not want him to tell you the truth?

I think a "fun" gift is OK as a stocking filler but it sounds like you spent £40 on something you would like for yourself rather than taking any account of your nephew's interests. While a few adult LEGO enthusiasts might be interested or see it as an ironic "joke" gift - very few 16 year olds want toys for 7 year olds

AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/01/2017 11:36

never ever
Bold fail ^^

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 02/01/2017 11:37

Oh grief, this attitude that going off list is somehow more 'thoughtful' is a real pet peeve of mine - it isn't! It's actually the opposite, as you are deliberately disregarding what someone would really like in favour of something that you think they should have. Fair enough if you know the person inside out and see something you know they'd love, but why would you ignore your nephew's list in favour of an age 7+ Lego set and then be surprised that it wasn't what he wanted?

I've mentioned her on another thread but this is exactly what my SIL does, and as such although I always thank her and act grateful she has never bought me a present that is actually my taste. She ignores my Amazon list as it's mostly books and she thinks it's weird to read that much. Instead she gets me random household trinkets that are very much her taste, but really not mine. I don't say anything as she only spends a small amount, but if she spent £40 on something then I think I'd really have to say something as I know she can't afford to waste that. DH can't understand why his sister won't ever use gift lists, but says that she's always been a terrible present buyer as she's never understood that people don't all like the same things as her.

SherlockPotter · 02/01/2017 11:37

I'm 24 and if I was given a lego set as a present, I would be happy! Lego isn't just for kids... 🙄

Hullygully · 02/01/2017 11:38

I find it extremely hard to believe that you had a list of presents that you ignored in favour of buying a child's toy for a 16 yr old.

Still, perhaps it's me.

DJBaggySmalls · 02/01/2017 11:39

YABVU.

dowhatnow · 02/01/2017 11:39

So you asked whether he liked it but the only reasonable in your eyesresponse is a lie to say yes?

He wasn't annoyed, he was just truthful. And it wouldn't have been said at all if you hadn't asked.

He can't do right for wrong.

Most people are brought up to think telling lies are wrong.

d270r0 · 02/01/2017 11:40

Yes I suppose it was rude but they were probably a bit struck at what a wasteful gift it is. Yes some 16year olds are into lego but not that many, and if he never even liked it as a kid it is a very odd gift. Is this a reverse?

Branleuse · 02/01/2017 11:40

its not thoughtful when you bought two of the same gift in the sale, aimed at children for both a teenager and an adult.

Blu · 02/01/2017 11:40

For a 17 year old , next year, an Amazon voucher or something off the list will be perfect Smile.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 02/01/2017 11:42

I wonder what the correlation is between people that think gifts lists are grabby and shit presents.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 02/01/2017 11:42

Can't decide if you're being funny or just honestly daft SherlockPotter 😭

Mirandawest · 02/01/2017 11:43

If I were getting someone a novelty gift I'd spend £5 maybe up to £10. If I were spending £40 I'd want to feel pretty sure they would like it.

Blu · 02/01/2017 11:44

Have you still got the receipt, OP?

If so, ask them to send it back, or send them the receipt and be gracious about the response.

You could say to your bro "ouch - quite blunt, but fair enough: I'll put the receipt in the post and he can choose something he likes"

Mirandawest · 02/01/2017 11:44

I would also feel bad at someone spending £40 on a present that really wouldn't even appreciated and so would want them to know that so they didn't waste their money in the future

Giddyaunt18 · 02/01/2017 11:48

That's a rude response regardless of the present you gave or the money you spent. I wouldn't have given a 16 year old Lego but if my 16 year old had received it, she would have said thank you and put it down to experience.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 02/01/2017 11:48

Teenagers can be hard to buy for - we always demanded appreciated lists when our niece and nephew were similar ages.

If they had just text you and said nephew didn't like the gift that would have been very rude but in response to a text specifically asking whether he liked the gift - well yes it could have been more tactfully worded but I think you should appreciate the honesty.

I know it is upsetting when gifts fall flat - my DH is spectacularly hard to buy for and I lose track of the number of gifts I've returned because they were well thought out but just wide of target.

If you have the receipt I would offer to exchange it if it's not been opened.

Scooby20 · 02/01/2017 11:50

. It's really kind of you to think of him, we appreciate the effort you've put in, but

But again, the op didnt think of him. Its a gift that she would like and a 43 year old man she know liked.

And it may come across as she put no effort in at all.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/01/2017 11:53

Op you asked and they told you the truth. They gave you a list and went off it and bought a 16 year old Lego, what do you expect! Unless you know the child well and that they love Lego, than it's not a good present for a 16 year old sorry! Stick to a gift card next time!

Teatowelfairy · 02/01/2017 11:54

Yabvu. You had a list which you chose to completely disregard in favour of a Lego set for 7+ yrs!
Maybe your db could have been more tactful in his response but he may not have wanted to mislead you into believing that your dn was happy with the gift to avoid you wasting your money on future unsuitable gifts.

My dsis bought the Lego vw campervan a few yrs ago for herself, she was 16 at the time and the set is aimed at 16+ so was quite a challenge but she wouldn't have been thrilled with a Lego set aimed at 7+ yrs! However Lego would not be a welcomed gift for most 16yr olds.

thisgirlrides · 02/01/2017 11:55

I think I'd be replying along the lines of "well that told me didn't it ungrateful git! Seriously though I'll look for the receipt and try to get a refund or gift voucher instead as I'm clearly not up to speed on 16 year old boys ☺."

user1471545174 · 02/01/2017 11:57

I would reply to DB that you're sorry DN didn't like the present and encourage him to exchange it for something he does like.

Amazon vouchers are always fine. I'd buy for two more Christmases then stop. £40 is generous.

DameSquashalot · 02/01/2017 12:00

His reply is like a line from a comedy sketch Grin

umizoomi · 02/01/2017 12:01

Can someone explain why a list is grabby?

I really don't get that at all. Hmm

My DC have Amazon lists with stuff from a range of stores at a range of prices. Stuff they would like and appreciate.

I have no objection to people buying other stuff off list if they want, but my nephews have them too and I buy from the list as I KNOW it's something they will like.

They aren't asking for £50 when I only spend £20. There are gifts on their lists from £5 to £100. A number of relatives clubbed together one year for a £80 gift my nephew wanted and he was made up to receive it as he really wanted it.

Agiraffeisnotacat · 02/01/2017 12:02

Actually I think they probably thought long and hard as to how to reply honestly without being too rude.

My 16yo would be rather ShockConfused to get that gift. Whilst well meaning, it is really rather an odd thing to buy a 16yo unless you know for definite they would like it. It is rather niche.