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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MollyHuaCha · 02/01/2017 11:13

My 16 yr old loves Lego and had a set for Xmas. Built it Xmas Day!

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?
Grilledaubergines · 02/01/2017 11:14

Lego at 16? No wonder he wasn't impressed!

Surely the point of s list of suggestions is so you can get something they actually want/need. Going off piste and getting something else was daft.

Why stop presents? Just stick to the list. Then you won't waste £40

FrancisCrawford · 02/01/2017 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PberryT · 02/01/2017 11:15

You sound like my nan. Every year she asks what I want, the completely ignores it and buys some random shite I don't want or need.

Being quirky and imaginative hasn't worked in this case. You had a list to work from, why ignore it?!

Your brother wasn't rude, he was truthful. They've probably had years of "quirky and imaginative shite" and have had enough.

Wickedstepmum67 · 02/01/2017 11:15

Agree with 'Bringmetea' - lists feel very presumptuous for one thing. A 16 year old should be expected to ring (or even text!) and say thank you himself. Receiving a gift that disappoints in some way is just life unfortunately.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 02/01/2017 11:17

Well at least you know, saves him getting more Lego next year.

As a child I went through a phase of liking elephants. My entire family found out and bought me everything elephant related for years. It was a nightmare. No one actually thought to ask me what I'd actually like and if they did they ignored it and bought me a cuddly elephant or elephant slippers.

A gift may be thoughtful but next time stick to the list, stop tying to be imaginative and just get something they actually would like and will keep.

SpringerS · 02/01/2017 11:17

My teen dd stil has cuddly toys and loves marvel. But if you bought a marvel lego set it would be pointless as she has never liked lego.
Dd revels in her geekyness. Doesnt mean she likes lego.

I'm 38 and revel in my nerdiness. On the average day I'm 90% likely to be wearing at least one item of superhero themed clothing. I have Marvel cushion covers in my livingroom, Doctor Who and Star Wars artwork on my walls, I have a Wonder Woman mug, etc. I fuckin' hate Lego, I think it's overrated and annoying (though granted I only started feeling that way when people started buying complicated Lego sets for my DS when he was 3, before that I gave it no headspace at all). Nerdy does ≠ Lego enthusiast but fuck have Lego done a great marketing job by making people think it does.

Wolpertinger · 02/01/2017 11:17

Don't get him an Amazon voucher, get him something off his bloody list!

Lists are brilliant! I know my BIL really well, he is in to Dr Who, film music and a specific type genre of films. He will want a present related to those.

However there is no bloody point me trying to buy something myself as he probably has it already or doesn't like it. I need to use his list! Same goes for my DH, me, SIL, nephew and his massive lego collection, all my relatives. Use the list!

SuburbanRhonda · 02/01/2017 11:17

People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

But OP your guide was the list.

You deliberately chose to be misguided. Surely you can see that?

Mynestisfullofempty · 02/01/2017 11:17

You should've just given your nephew the £40. Lego Pirate Chess was ludicrous and a waste of money. It's not as if they phoned you up and complained about your gift. You asked and your brother told you. To have said anything else would only have resulted in you continuing to buy him things for small children in future.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 02/01/2017 11:19

I'll get him an Amazon voucher next year

Why not just get him something off the list?

Evilwickedmeanandnasty · 02/01/2017 11:19

I've just read your thread and twice you've referred to your nephew as 'unusual'. Surely then, the thing to do was to stick to a list of 'safe' options rather than go off piste?

I don't think your brother's reply was rude - if you read it in a conversational tone, it sounds exactly as any conversation would do between people who know each other as only siblings can - it's not a reply from a random relative who might not feel comfortable telling you the truth!

Please don't resort to vouchers or socks etc in future, stick to the list. If your nephew is 'unusual' as my son is, then receiving your gift might have upset him as he might not have understood it or the well meaning thought behind it.

Please just take your brother's reply at face value - he's answered you straight. Another poster further up offered the perfect solution - reply saying 'whoops, return it and I'll swap it for something off the list!'

Saves arguments and your relationship!!

whyohwhy000 · 02/01/2017 11:20

I'll get him an Amazon voucher next year

Or just get him something off the list?

DeathStare · 02/01/2017 11:21

People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided.

But nobody said he was annoyed.

You went out of your way to directly ask whether he liked the gift.

Your brother replied honestly - and with an apology - that he hadn't liked the gift.

What did you want your brother to do? Lie? If you didn't want to know that the gift wasn't liked, then why did you ask?

And don't get an Amazon vouched next year unless an Amazon voucher is on the list.

NormaSmuff · 02/01/2017 11:22

i find my nieces hard to buy for, at that age I would have been glad to have a list. my dm also has worries aobut her grandchildren in this respect.

we also have a limited amount that we spend. much less than £40.
it is a token gift, that is all that is necessary.
your db has said it How it Is. he did say Sorry.
No need to take offence.
laugh it off and offer them the receipt to allow them to change the present. Give gift receipts with presents. problem solved, or stick strictly to the provided List.

LineyReborn · 02/01/2017 11:22

I agree with BadKitten who noted that teenagers have limited access to cash. I remember being very skint as an 18/19 year old, with bills to pay, and it felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth to receive a fairly expensive gift from a close relative that was utterly awful and useless to me, but all about said relative's supposedly awesome taste.

It feels fairly crap to be the teenage recipient of a strange, pricey gift tbh. It's not being spoilt or grabby, it's them thinking about the waste of money, and realising that the close relative is making a statement about themselves and is using the teenager to do it.

RandomMcRandomer · 02/01/2017 11:24

If you spent £40 on Lego I imagine your DB felt it was time to take the bull by the horns and tell you not to waste your money. The text was a bit abrupt but I can understand his exasperation.

This. We are a lego loving family but this set is in no way "aimed at an adult audience" and tbh it is not a good set. It is age 7+ for a start, looks childish and is not practical to use as a chess set.

I assumed you had got something like Lego architecture or one of the themed sets like Dr Who, Big Bang Theory etc. I could understand that (although personally wouldn't buy unless I knew the person loved lego)

Your brother was a little abrupt but you did drop the ball totally on this one. I say that as a Lego lover and Lego gift buyer (I've not bought my nieces lego in years because they never took to it. I know this because I asked and got an honest answer. It stops me wasting my cash)

welcometowonderland · 02/01/2017 11:25

"People shouldn't be annoyed that you bought them something however misguided."

Where does it say in his text that he was annoyed?

IhatchedaSnorlax · 02/01/2017 11:28

I agree with the majority of posters Op - your brother wasn't rude, he was simply truthful & only because you asked in the first instance.

Buying something you'd like yourself for a 16 year old doesn't actually seem very thoughtful to me at all.

If you still have the receipt, I'd offer it to him so that he can get the cash / gift voucher instead.

hollyisalovelyname · 02/01/2017 11:31

Yes it was rude but you didn't really think of the recipient ( the whole point of present buying I would have thought) by going 'off list'.
I'm sure he'd have loved a £40 voucher instead of a £40 Lego set when he's not into Lego.
Perhaps rudeness / lack of thought for others runs in your family - you and your brother Smile

PringleDingle · 02/01/2017 11:32

I stopped buying my nieces gifts (they are adults now) a few years ago. I always used to get them presents when they were kids and never ever received a thank you. It's obvious he didn't acknowledge the gift because you had to message him to ask. I think it's bloody rude. I think it's the parents job to say thanks, and also to encourage the kids to say thanks but I think I'm in the minority. Next year just send a note on a card saying you've sponsored an iguana insteadGrin

altik · 02/01/2017 11:33

I'm going with the flow and agree the OP was BU.

I think the text could have been worded a bit more tactful (e.g. It's really kind of you to think of him, we appreciate the effort you've put in, but...) but, I don't think it was rude. They have tried to temper the response with "I'm afraid" and "sorry".

If they had sent the text without being asked their opinions, then I would have said that's rude. But they didn't, they were specifically asked (presumably because you wanted to know) so I think it okay to be honest.

£40 is a lot to waste on a present that's not going to be used. It's not the same as a £5 coat hanger. Plus, it's not a one off present. When asked directly what they thought of it - they had two choices.... lie and pretend he liked it, or be honest and say he didn't. What's the point in lying? The OP would then think that's the sort of present the nephew wanted and buy the same again in the future. That's just ridiculous - wastes the OP's money, bad for the environment buying stuff that's not wanted or needed, and of course not nice for the receiver to be given gifts that will never be used or wanted.

And yeah, sorry unless the child was into Lego (which the dad says he never was), then it was a rubbish gift to give a 16 year old. It's a bit like giving someone the Hornby Hogwarts Express because they like Harry Potter. Plenty of grown adults are into Hornby, but unless the recipient is, it's an inappropriate present.

I wouldn't be offended OP. You gave a duff present, asked for feedback and received honest feedback. I would have been more offended if someone had lied to me, saying they liked a present they really didn't!

snapcrap · 02/01/2017 11:33

I think in your brother's position I would have replied a little more politely and helpfully: 'He says thank you but Lego is a bit young for him! If you have the receipt shall we send it back to you, especially as I know it was a generously priced gift?'.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/01/2017 11:34

You sound like you bought him a gift you feel he should have liked. Whatever people's opinions are on gift lists they are a sure fire way of making sure someone gets a gift they'd really like. I have a 16yo nephew. If I gave him Lego he'd smile, say thank you and [never ever] get it out of the box. If you take it to the extreme, ignoring a gift list is tantamount to saying that you disregard his opinion because you know what would be a better gift. Your brothers reply was v rude of course but he needed to be honest and polite to avoid any more wasted money.

dontbesillyhenry · 02/01/2017 11:34

OP can i ask why you object to buying from the list?