AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

[Hellsbells35]

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

I think his reply was a little abrupt, but you did ask a question and you got a direct answer.

Lego for a 16 year old is, quite frankly, an insulting gift. You obviously do not know your nephew at all, and your gift appears thoughtless.

The fact that you then text to ask if he liked it was also bizarre and just rubbed salt in the wound.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

They give you a list because you don't have a clue what your 16-year-old nephew will like, and they would rather you didn't waste your money on gifts that end up in the bin.

Your idea of "thoughtful or imaginative" is not the same as yours. Personally, I don't think it's either thoughtful or imaginative to buy Lego for a 16-year-old who has never been into Lego. You'd have been better to spend a tenner on something from his list, rather than £40 on something as random as Lego for a 16-year-old.

The wording of your brother's reply is blunt, but you seem very much like the sort of person who completely ignores anything more subtle than that. Maybe stop being so bullish and accept you don't always know best.

I think it was an answer of last resort. Do you not normally listen to people?

Op, I think he is more of a normal 16 year old than you give him credit for. Did the list have lots of toys on it aimed at 7+ year olds? If not then I think maybe you don't know him so well. And I suspect it didn't have young kids toys on it given his fathers response.

Either stick to the list or give him some cash. Teenagers normally love getting cash.

I actually don't think your brother was rude in his reply. Some MNers are adamant that the only response to any gift is gushing thanks no matter what. Fair enough if someone hands you a gift you express gratitude but in this case you've asked his dad a week later putting him in a position where he either has to outright lie to you, possibly resulting in similar spectacular misses in the future OR he tells you the truth.

I don't think your DB was trying to hurt your feelings and I would far rather my DBro or Sis tell me if their kids aren't into something. Especially if I asked which you did!

Just because he still has cuddly toys it doesn't mean that he likes lego, surely you understand that?

I'll get him an Amazon voucher next year

No, OP! Get him something off his list. You're just not listening, are you?

OP's brother should have sent a polite, but neutral text "[nephew] says thank you, it was a kind thought" - and then covered the issue of the appropriateness of the gift in a proper conversation at some point before the next gift-giving occasion.

So much communication goes awry because people text rather than speaking, and difficult messages can't be softened by body language or tone.

lego for a q6 yearvisnt odd. My dd19 and Ds 21 both still love lego/ nanobricks and get it for birthdays and christmas. there are plenty of adult sets.Ds GF22 still likes lego as well.
However i think you have to make sure that is what they want, and i would have thought adults who like lego have very specific collections,so random kits wouldnt work.

I think it was a brave decision to go 'off list'...

What's brave about deliberately choosing not to buy something the recipient will like?

I got Lego and I am nearly 40

I don't think your brother was rude at all. He told you the truth.....you did ask!!

Have you got the receipt? The only way to make this better is to return it, laugh about it with your nephew and give him the cash......

I like playing the clarinet. It doesn't mean I want a book on panthers.

Damn! I thought you'd love it.

tell him to keep it pristine and it will increase in value but next year use the list - if the issue is the price of items on the list feedback that to brother as he is open communicate mode...

I've just googled it and it looks like something is get my five year old. It says on the front 7+. If you wanted to get him lego, why not get a 16+ box?

stick to the list!!

I find it quite rude when people are given ideas for presents people may like then disregard and get them what they think they should like rendering a gift useless. Its not giving any thought to the recipient but its all about the giver wanting to feel heroic and oh so original

Given that your nephew didn't like the present, what would have been an acceptable reply? Teens can be hard to buy for (in terms of getting their preferences right) - I'd have stuck to something from the list.

i would text back apooogising and tell hom to sell it and buy something more apprpriate. lego especially unopened keeps its value.

It might be that your brother considered the gift unthoughtful and therefor unkind in some way? What did your brother get your children? Perhaps he though it was a very inappropriate gift unfit for a 16yr old?

I like playing the clarinet. It doesn't mean I want a book on panthers

Was an Amazon voucher on his list? If not dont get it. Just get something off the list.

Why do you havr an issue with this?

LEGO is a very expensive and generous gift, we love it in this house, adults included - your nephew and his dad sound like ungrateful shits tbh.

"Surely you can see that if adults and children alike didn't love it, then it wouldn't be a great gift. You do understand that it went to someone else who has different tastes and interests, don't you?"

Of course I get that - for example, golf equipment would go down like a lead balloon in this house, but the point is WE WOULDN'T BE RUDE ABOUT IT.

My DD got a COAT HANGER for her 1st birthday from her Great GM. A scented padded adult sized coat hanger, too big for any of her clothes.
And to make matters worse, it was a hotel hanger so it didn't even have a bloody hook on it.
It went in the bin because it was literally useless. It was clearly from a craft fair at the WI or something.
Did I send her a rude message telling her it was the most ridiculous baby gift ever? No. She went to her grave five years later in the belief that it hangs in DDs wardrobe, because there was nothing to be gained from telling her otherwise.

.

My 13 year old is just getting rid of his lego today. He certainly wouldn't appreciate it at 13 never mind 16. I think if you buy a thoughtful gift it's lovely but just incase you have misjudged the recipient it would be thoughtful to include a gift receipt so they could tactfully change it.
My MIL bought my son a gigantic remote controlled police land rover for his 1st birthday (it was like a mans toy)!! Then two years later she bought my DS and my DD still a baby 3 sit and rides between them for Christmas!!! My DS already had one and had almost outgrown it and we had another given to us from a friend. We just and say thank you but it was a total waste she does the same now with younger nephews and objects if they give her any guidance with what they might be into, need or wants. She never includes gift receipts or asks what the kids want or accepts any hints so it's a total waste of her time and money.

It's not being rude though it's being helpful- spending a lot of money on unwanted gifts benefits nobody- the giver or the recipient