Going to a really, really expensive hotel for a wedding. AIBU to want to go back to my student days ??

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

DP says I am.......I'm saying we can't bloody afford it, never mind £7 or so for a drink each on top.

AIBU in wanting to pull my old student trick of gift wrapping boxes of wine (( to sneak then in innocently ))then having my own wine on tap for the night ?? That way we'd only have to buy one drink.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact it's a close family member I'd be pulling a sickie. At least this way we can affordably drown our sorrows at all the money on travel and a hotel we've had to spend 😑😑😑

Where do you live where posh wedding hotels have bouncers?

Not just posh hotels in our local authority, but anywhere that has events past midnight must have security staff, its part of the licensing agreement. Thats why a lot of local venues will no longer offer late finishes.

Gloria Not it isnt him, nothing to do with DD. You would be very surprised to find out who it is, I can assure you that one thing he is not considered to be is naff as "f" (I assume you mean fuck? or is it too naff to write that??) And I am sure that my friend will not lose a single wink of sleep over what a greedy entitled person on MN thinks of him or his hospitality but I will be sure to pass your comments on.

ami

Described it above, not sure if it counts as a bar. Because there was a smaller drink selection?

Sparking wine in the beginning, beer and wine and non-alcoholics during the food part, espresso and digestive drinks.

Loads of dancing with more drinks. And traditional dance performances 😅

Pudding and torta with spiked hot chocolate and spiked coffee ;)! (And Swedish mulled wine, didn't really suit but was still tasty!)

Access to unlimited alcohol is a basic guest need in your world?

Full hospitality is a basic guest courtesy.

Free alcohol seems to imply to you 'unlimited' alcohol - drinking to oblivion, fights, security staff. Is it so hard to imagine people who limit/regulate their own intake, despite the fact the alcohol is free?

It seems some people like QueenMortificado don't understand that sometimes people just want a bit of fun, even if they don't have much money. Why shouldn't people who don't have loads of money have a bit of fun at weddings? Or should they always be confined to wedding receptions in village halls/pub function rooms as befits their station.

How fucking rude for you to single me out when I have made absolutely no snobby comments, have made no use of words like "chavvy" or "incredibly rude not to have a paid bar". Don't jump on me because I disagree with the principal of sneaking in drinks in to a venue. I have made no judgement about people who can't afford to get married or anything.

Exactly why did you pick on me for that? And people can fucking read in the strike out you know.

Why shouldn't people who don't have loads of money not have fun at weddings

Please, have all the fun you want. But I disagree with sneaking in booze to a licenced venue.

Btw... what's so bad about the town hall?

Isn't music, food, wine and dance more important than a pretty looking venue?

Do you really look and think... yes, that wallpaper made the difference between a great wedding and a mediocre one?

Gloria Not it isnt him, nothing to do with DD. You would be very surprised to find out who it is, I can assure you that one thing he is not considered to be is naff as "f" (I assume you mean fuck? or is it too naff to write that??) And I am sure that my friend will not lose a single wink of sleep over what a greedy entitled person on MN thinks of him or his hospitality but I will be sure to pass your comments on

What a hilariously po-faced reply. I couldn't give flying fuck who this man is, or what he is 'considered to be'. Please feel free to tell him his pay bar was extremely tacky.

I mentioned you because your comments had caught my eye. I didn't attribute any direct quotes to you.

You seem very offended. Sorry about that.

However, wouldn't it make more sense to have no bar at all if you're worried about people getting plastered?

Because if they want the alcohol they will simply buy it from the bar (or sneak it in, as this thread shows).

"You seem very offended. Sorry about that".

Ah, what a way to apologise to someone without actually apologising. There were MUCH worse and stronger comments on here than mine and some proper offensive stuff.

NewNN- I'm lost now. You were saying that it's common not to be able to offer a free bar because it is against the terms of the license. Now you're saying several venues you know of need security. They're 2 different things. Local authorities can't make up their own licensing laws, and I still don't understand where and how licences are granted with conditions that specify the licensee can't let one person buy drinks for 100 others, or run tabs.

Btw, if that isn't commitment:

I have a beautiful antique black velvet evening coat - perfect for hiding wine bottles under. Ive also attended an event I wearing a 50s dress with large net petticoat under which were concealed 2 bottles of Pimms, decanted into pouches bought on Amazon.

We had a free bar at our wedding (with a stipulation for single measures and no shots) But every other wedding I've been to has not (we also had booze for guests before the ceremony so they were well looked after!).

Obviously I would prefer to have free drinks as a guest but it's not really a problem unless I have an evening only invite, the additional alcohol for the free bar cost about 1.5k which isn't affordable for some couples and definitely not necessary.

maybe you should accept that because you personally have only been to a couple of weddings at which there was a paid bar out if the many many you have attended (do you live in a Richard Curtis film?), it doesn't mean that they are not normal.

so you are in charge of deciding what constitute a normal wedding then?
Why should your own standards be the norm for the country?

My own post was a reply to a poster stating that wedding with free bars do not exist in real life (or something like that). I was saying that, actually not only they do exist but they are quite common around me. It doesn't matter if they are in a town hall or a country estate, it obviously feels wrong for some couple not to provide food and drink (or tea and coffee!) to their guests. I don't think any of my friends ever thought about smuggling alcohol in a fake wedding present, meaning they assumed even before the reception that they wouldn't be serve with enough alcohol. Who is rude here!

train I was responding to Gorias incredulity that posh wedding venues hire security.

But yes, I know of licensing conditions that restrict the maximum value of bar tabs or single purchase over the bar, or require security if the value of those is over a certain amount.

Local authorities (in conjunction with police) can put more or less whatever conditions they like on a license as long as they can justify it, and there's clearly reason enough based on the experience on this thread to consider ASB or worse to be a likely implication of a £1000 bar tab.

Of course, unscrupulous venues find ways round it - but generally, licensed premises tend to cooperate with their local licensing dept.

Btw,,,,

Why are we discussing security?

Our wedding had (well, a bouncer). And the wedding was in one of the safest countries worldwide... so? Is that such a surprise?

horatio because a venues requirement for security can be dictated by whether or no they provide an open/free bar.

I was saying that, actually not only they do exist but they are quite common around me.

Do you work in the trade? Because otherwise, your judgement that they are "commonplace" is only in the context of your own social circle - the weddings you have been invited to as a guest.

If however, you work in the wedding/event industry, and attend a range of weddings every year of effect values and cultures, then your evaluation of whether or not a particular practice is commonplace is far more representative.

new

Huh, interesting. We had what one may call a bar (but limited amount of alcoholic drinks) and a bouncer.

Well, ours wasn't in the U.K... so, can't contribute here. Except for the fact that some (just some!!) English weddings are a bit stiff imo.

Surely even an inflated-price soft drink wouldn't cost more than an alcoholic drink in a 'regular' venue?

Just under £8 for a Coke and a Diet Coke at a wedding we were at last Summer.
We're invited to another wedding at the same pretentious venue this Summer. If we decide to go then it'll be a car bar for us, because this time all four of us are invited and weddings are expensive enough to attend without putting a small fortune through the bar till for much overpriced soft drinks.

NN - our definitions of 'posh' probably differ. I don't dispute that some venues may need security given the behaviour people have described here.

The only weddings I've been to where there was any form of security were Eurotrash minor royalty - who had discreet bodyguards - and certainly no pay bars.

Over about 45years I must have been to at least as many weddings (I am quite old)Including quite recently to those of the children of friends .All over UK some posh, some very simple but no less lovely .I have never been to a wedding with a free bar .I have only ever seen one drunk at a wedding (the groom) .That marriage broke up after ten years and three children .....
I asked DD 1.She has been to twelve weddings in last five years or so . Only one had free bar.Bride's parents loaded .No extra guests to evening do.No one got drunk that she noticed. 'twas very posh venue but very simple wedding .Perhaps the guests just had some class? Why is it necessary to drink to excess to have a good time ?

Btw, just for the sake of it (and also if somebody of my relatives is on mumsnet and reads this). No one was drunk at our wedding.

Maybe also because if the amount of food 😅😂

Well I would rather be po-faced than a crashing snob!

And FYI, calling anyones wedding tacky, naff, etc is the far ruder than them not offering you a free bar.

You've never been to an Irish wedding postchildren....

train

Do people tend to get drunk or do they have an open bar? Or both