Going to a really, really expensive hotel for a wedding. AIBU to want to go back to my student days ??

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

DP says I am.......I'm saying we can't bloody afford it, never mind £7 or so for a drink each on top.

AIBU in wanting to pull my old student trick of gift wrapping boxes of wine (( to sneak then in innocently ))then having my own wine on tap for the night ?? That way we'd only have to buy one drink.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact it's a close family member I'd be pulling a sickie. At least this way we can affordably drown our sorrows at all the money on travel and a hotel we've had to spend 😑😑😑

And 1horatio just illustrated my cultural point

Many venues aren't licensed for a free bar

Sure, but then you wouldn't book them for a wedding.

I've been to weddings where there was no bar - in someone's house or a marquee (or both) - but all the alcohol is provided so it's not necessary.

At our xmas do, my friends were paying £22 for a bottle of wine. If I hadn't been driving, I would definitely have used a trick or two mentioned here.

In what local authority are specific licences refused which allow people to pay for booze up front, or buy it on behalf of others? And what part of the licensing act does it refer to? It makes no sense

It really wouldn't have occured to me to organise one anyway, but ask my guests to subsidise it.

I must live on a different planet. In my world, buying my own drinks is considered paying my own way - not subsidising someone else's party.

The hosts have been kind and generous enough to invite me to share their day with them - if I want to supplement their hospitality by purchasing alcohol myself, then I don't consider that poor hospitality.

But then, I don't have expectations about the hospitality I receive - I appreciate the thought, whatever it may consist of - not judge whether the hosts are spending enough money on me.

To be wealthy and to charge, perhaps he's a footballer?

Sorry to disappoint you but no, he is a businessman. And the reason he and his wife chose not to have a free bar was precisely because of what has happened at other (very smart London) weddings when the booze was free.

They provided a generous amount with the meal and toasts etcand tbh there was no need for any more after that, I was decidedly sleepy! But if anyone wanted to hit the spirits then they had to pay, some did and got in a state but most didnt bother. I was a guest and I didnt mind, so I dont see why you give a toss!

In what local authority are specific licences refused which allow people to pay for booze up front, or buy it on behalf of others? And what part of the licensing act does it refer to? It makes no sense

Licenses aren't refused, it's part of conditions of many of the venue licenses round here - more security staff required, or earlier closing time, or a maximum transaction value on drinks sold independently of a meal.

The hosts have been kind and generous enough to invite me to share their day with them - if I want to supplement their hospitality by purchasing alcohol myself, then I don't consider that poor hospitality

This. Food is one thing - and generally expected at a wedding. But drink is different.

I've only ever been to 1 free bar wedding - and I would say the 2 people who took most advantage of it were the father of the Bride and his brother (my Dad). I hate to think what that wedding cost.

But...if drinks were cheaper, maybe people would drink more? Who knows?

It's is absolutely not true that "many venues" don't allow free bars or that venues universally decide it's a bad idea. What tosh!

I assume that you know this because you have worked in a lot of wedding venues?

trainspotting I guess I did ;)

I do think it's very culture dependent. MIL wanted to pay for the whole wedding. DH had to take her aside to talk her down. She insisted on paying half (sometimes I wish DH had been clearer about how big the wedding would be!! Because I'm still semi certain she regretted it but felt she couldn't back out :( )

I don't think she really understood how big my family is until she saw all the invited people (and there were many I didn't invite),
But grandfather with 13 siblings, nonna with 7. Both my parents married a 2nd time, so half siblings, step siblings, their partners, all my cousins, aunties, uncles, godparents and of course grandparents...

DH and I loved it. MIL didn't...

So, yeah. It's just culture. I'm sure there different cultures about that in the U.K. as well.

But I could imagine that, especially in the case of very young couples or parents that can't pay for the wedding, an open bar is difficult. Unless you live in a family where you can ask for cash gifts.

So, maybe that's a bit of a trade off? A cultural allowance for cash gifts but an open bar etc?

NewNN- I'm sorry but I don't believe you. Where do you live where posh wedding hotels have bouncers?

Pyong- I looked at exactly 16 central London hotels, 3 in SW London, 2 in Surrey, 1 in north London, 2 in Hertfordshire, 1 in Essex and 4 in Oxfordshire for my wedding. Oh and one on the Isle of Wight! Not one had any restrictions on a free bar, which was non negotiable for us. So how common is it exactly?

But grandfather with 13 siblings, nonna with 7. Both my parents married a 2nd time, so half siblings, step siblings, their partners, all my cousins, aunties, uncles, godparents and of course grandparents

Sounds like the wedding scene from the Godfather

It's is absolutely not true that "many venues" don't allow free bars or that venues universally decide it's a bad idea. What tosh!

If you book an event in a hotel that has a bar, unless you're hiring the whole hotel, that bar can't necessarily be taken over to offer your guests free drinks - it's for the use of the hotel's other guests.

I assumed that was what NN was referring to, but having read her reply, apparently not.

*I must live on a different planet.

So do I. In my world, when you invite people, you are happy to provide them with food and drink and try your best to ensure they have a good time. If I invite people to stay over, I offer them breakfast. I don't expect them to pay for their morning coffee. At my wedding, guests had food and drink. It is so weird to expect them to be so grateful to receive an invitation that you don't offer them what is basic in my world. I am not that arrogant and show-off. We obviously don't have the same definition of hospitable.

Yes but they have ways round that Gloria. Quote the wedding party as a tab. Most hotels which Are used for weddings (and most are) don't have an issue with that.

We obviously don't have the same definition of hospitable.

If you went to a wedding and weren't provided with free alcohol all evening, would you feel hard done by?

train I live in one of the counties you've listed, and several of the luxury venues have license conditions that require security staff for certain types of events - including an English Heritage venue. I should know - I recommended some of them!

ami

Had to rewatch that scene. I suspect MIL had a similar impression...

Very similar. But more blonde people ;) and different music ;)!

Sorry to disappoint you but no, he is a businessman

Ha! I was weighing up footballer or Dragon's den. Is it Duncan Bannatyne?

Naff as f whoever it is.

Had to rewatch that scene. I suspect MIL had a similar impression

I bet they had a free bar at that wedding

I had security at my wedding that the hotel put on to ensure our reception remained a private event, I assumed that was fairly normal?

It is so weird to expect them to be so grateful to receive an invitation that you don't offer them what is basic in my world. I am not that arrogant and show-off. We obviously don't have the same definition of hospitable

Access to unlimited alcohol is a basic guest need in your world? Yup, we do have very different definitions of hospitable!

Every bit of that last post was written to show how superior you are.

Yes but they have ways round that Gloria

Absolutely, you'd have a tab for guests in that situation.

I thought the poster might be referring to venues where you can't take over the bar for exclusive use of your guests.