Going to a really, really expensive hotel for a wedding. AIBU to want to go back to my student days ??

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

DP says I am.......I'm saying we can't bloody afford it, never mind £7 or so for a drink each on top.

AIBU in wanting to pull my old student trick of gift wrapping boxes of wine (( to sneak then in innocently ))then having my own wine on tap for the night ?? That way we'd only have to buy one drink.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact it's a close family member I'd be pulling a sickie. At least this way we can affordably drown our sorrows at all the money on travel and a hotel we've had to spend 😑😑😑

We did this once. We had a car bar. And because it was summer we were all outside the carpark was very close to the garden so kept nipping to the car to top up our large drinks. A glass of rose spritzer was 7 pound odd. :D

They both have plenty of money. They just don't like to spend it on other people.

Which you clearly believe they should have spent on you!

The reason they have plenty of money may well be that they don't spend to their financial limit - which seems to be what you expect them to do.

No, the reason they have plenty of money is because they earn lots of money. I know them, and I know theyre tight arses.

Don't you believe stingy people exist or something?

Well, tbh, our wedding wasn't very expensive (if one factors in the amount of people we invited and that DH's family had to be flown in).

But an open bar doesn't have to be expensive. Especially if there is only a limited selection.

We didn't have an evening reception & perhaps this is where the drinking part comes in?

There was fizz & nibbles on arrival, I think we allowed for two glasses of wine with the meal & a glass of fizz for the toast.

Unlimited water & juice, obviously.

Anyone wanting more or spirits could have gone to the bar.

Feel as though we were mean now!

It doesn't 1horatio- we have also been to weddings where B&G have bought all the drink and paid a couple of bar staff to serve it all up for them- halls, social clubs etc

Jeez but there's some fucking snobs on Mumsnet.

Don't have a party if you can't afford it. Don't get married if you can't afford it. Don't invite anyone to anything if you can't pay for them all. Don't have a wedding unless there's a free bar all night. Not having an open bar at a wedding is "incredibly rude". Don't you dare try and enjoy yourself if you can't afford it.

It seems some people like QueenMortificado don't understand that sometimes people just want a bit of fun, even if they don't have much money. Why shouldn't people who don't have loads of money have a bit of fun at weddings? Or should they always be confined to wedding receptions in village halls/pub function rooms as befits their station.

As an aside I have been to very few weddings where there was a free bar all night.

Or should they always be confined to wedding receptions in village halls/pub function rooms as befits their station.

what? as opposed to charging their guests to show off and pretend they are something they are not? May I suggest to issue tickets to allow entrance in the venue, and then charge for the meal like any restaurant, and impose a contribution for the privilege of seeing the bride's wedding dress

I really fail to see why having a wedding you can afford is such an outrageous concept. Trying to pretend you are better and richer than you really are must be painful.

So having a perfectly normal and standard thing like a paid bar in the venue is akin to charging an entrance fee to a wedding in MN Land is it? Trying to pretend you are "better" than you are.

Loopy.

a perfectly normal and standard thing like a paid bar in the venue

I have only ever seen a couple of those in all the weddings I have been invited to. They are clearly neither normal nor "standard". Obviously they exist, but many couples seem perfectly able to organise friendly and welcoming event within their own budget, low or high. Again, (couple of teenagers excepted), I have never seen gests really drunk at weddings either.

I suppose if your guests take their own drinks hidden in their bags or underwear, they help keep the cost down. That's another way to see it...

I have been to many many weddings and the only one I have seen with a free bar was held at someones home. Even the richest person I know (and you would know him too if I named him) didnt have a free bar at his wedding, because it is often a really bad idea.

The hotel that H used to work at actively discouraged free bars as whenever they had them there would always be at least one trashed bedroom, at least one fight and very often someone who drank to the point of needing an ambulance. This was a v v naice place, very expensive and yet it still happened. Nothing to do with the B&G trying to appear richer than they are but everything to do with them trying to avoid the few people who will always take advantage from ruining their wedding day.

There is at least one person who will get bladdered at every wedding and they are usually a "must invite" relation, a free bar to that kind of person isnt a kind thing to do but a fucking challenge.

the reason they have plenty of money is because they earn lots of money. I know them, and I know theyre tight arses.
Don't you believe stingy people exist or something?

It apparent that entitled people exist - what on earth gives you the right to set the bar as to whether your friend and your BIL "spent enough" on their weddings in comparison to their salaries?

Is this what friendship consists of on 2017? Being considered a tight arse, stingy and cost cutting?

I hope you're a nicer person in RL than behind that keyboard, trainspotting because your posts are very unpleasant.

I really fail to see why having a wedding you can afford is such an outrageous concept

Ah, but make sure your guests know you've spent as much as you can afford - none of this cheating them out of things you should have paid for but are too tight

Is it that hard to grasp that some people don't know anyone who would drink to excess just because the alcohol is free, or get into a fight or trash a hotel room?

That's not normal!

Even the richest person I know (and you would know him too if I named him) didnt have a free bar at his wedding, because it is often a really bad idea

That is so unbelievably tacky as to deserve an award. To be wealthy and to charge, perhaps he's a footballer?

Is it that hard to grasp that some people don't know anyone who would drink to excess just because the alcohol is free, or get into a fight or trash a hotel room?

Venues advise against it, bar staff report that it happens at free bars they work at - it is hard to grasp that these are commonplace occurrences, familiar to those who work within the trade, even if you personally wouldn't knowingly invite anyone like that to your wedding ?

I think most people probably do know someone like that - maybe a friend, or maybe a relative who they are stuck with (or acquiring through marriage!), or a work colleague. Plenty of people drink to excess and will do so more willingly if the booze is free.

gloria Many venues aren't licensed for a free bar - they literally are not allowed to run an event which provides unlimited alcohol to drinkers free of charge.

train

Exactly. We had a traditional Italian food order with wine, beer, water and sparkling juice.

Dancing. Loads of dancing. More Softdrinks and wine...
Pudding and more drinks

We were a lot of people (one grandfather of mine had 13 surviving siblings and my nonna had many siblings as well...).

But Idk, I just would want people to be comfortable and have fun. But if we had financial difficulties a town hall would be fine as well.

However, in my family (can't speak for others) it's fine to say you'd prefer cash to a wedding present. You'd probably get cash anyway. Or jewelry 😅

Dingdong maybe you should accept that because you personally have only been to a couple of weddings at which there was a paid bar out if the many many you have attended (do you live in a Richard Curtis film?), it doesn't mean that they are not normal. They are not only for the perennially classless and awful.

There has been at least one poster on this thread who has been made to feel bad about her own wedding because of comments like yours. (That is what I call classless actually, trying to make other people feel uncomfortable about their own lives.)

Only in certain quarters. In all the parties I've ever thrown at a venue, no-one ever advised me against free alcohol. It's completely bizarre.

As for venues confiscating guests' gifts of alcohol in case they drink it - I'd be mortified if a venue I booked treated my guests so disgracefully. I'd give them a bollocking and never use them again.

That is so unbelievably tacky as to deserve an award. To be wealthy and to charge, perhaps he's a footballer?

I couldn't afford a posh wedding at Claridges. It really wouldn't have occured to me to organise one anyway, but ask my guests to subsidise it. Maybe I should do that for my next one, book Necker Island because why should I be deprived after all... Good grief..

It's is absolutely not true that "many venues" don't allow free bars or that venues universally decide it's a bad idea. What tosh!

And as for someone famous for their riches making his guests pay for their drinks- what a twat. Does he think his guests can't afford to get so bladdered they trash a hotel room on their own money then?

Some of you have really uncouth mates.

Maybe is an English thing. you see it frequently in more generous cultures

Actually what I find tacky on MN is the amount of pursed lipped judging that goes on over other people's weddings. Go or don't go, but FFS if you do go have a nice time and be pleasant to people.