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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP is upset that I told him "I appreciated him'

147 replies

Talcott2007 · 01/01/2017 11:43

Help settle a disagreement between me and DP!

So a fews weekends ago I had a what I thought was a pretty unremarkable conversation with DP - essentially I came into the kitchen in the morning and while I had been in the shower DP had launched a load of laundry and was generally cleaning up and I essentially said 'You know MrTalcott I really appreciate you and everything you do for DD and I' - and i know how lucky I am he really is brilliant - he works long hours but still does lots around the house, cooks, cleans and is so hands on and with DD7mths.

So he took the micky at bit at the time, he does when I tell him I love him too - not in an unkind way but I do tell him I love him lots! Anyway yesterday he kept going on and on about if i appreciate this or appreciate that so I said why are you going on about it?! Turns out he was really offended by me saying I appreicate him?!?

He insists it isn't a compliment to say this! I even checked incase something was lost in translation as although DP is totally fluent, English is his 2nd Language. But nope he seems to understand what it means. I asked if he appreciates what I do and he said no, he loves me and it's different, you can appreciate the work a colleague does but not your partner?!?!

I honestly don't know how saying you appreciate someone could be anything other than a nice thing to say?!

It was HIS suggestion to ask on MN about it!

So who's right? Was it a compliment or insulting?

OP posts:
Squeegle · 01/01/2017 11:44

I definitely think it is a compliment. Why would you be insulted?

TheOnlyColditz · 01/01/2017 11:44

It's a compliment. Maybe he's heard it at work but that doesn't mean it's not a compliment. I appreciate my loved ones. It just means I don't take them for granted

SweepTheHalls · 01/01/2017 11:44

It's important to appreciate and not take for granted things people do for you IMO Smile

IpDipCatnip · 01/01/2017 11:46

Erm- a complete compliment! Get a grip OP DH! 'Teas a lovely thing to say!

Mouthfulofquiz · 01/01/2017 11:46

It was a really nice thing to say. I tell
My DH that I appreciate him AND that I love him. I wouldn't want him to think I take him for granted.

IpDipCatnip · 01/01/2017 11:46

Twas!

IhatchedaSnorlax · 01/01/2017 11:46

Its a compliment & shows that you're not taking him for granted.

DailyFail1 · 01/01/2017 11:47

Depends on his culture. There are many that believe that family shouldn't thank each other for anything.

gamerchick · 01/01/2017 11:47

Well it's not insulting. He's being a bit weird.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 01/01/2017 11:47

I say this to my dh to show him I care. I would class it as a compliment.

TiredMumToTwo · 01/01/2017 11:47

I make sure I tell DH I appreciate what he does for me as I like it when he does the same to me. There's nothing worse than not feeling appreciated IMO.

EggysMom · 01/01/2017 11:47

If it was meant as a compliment, then it's a compliment. I'm not sure if it's a bit of a weird thing to say, though; I just tend to say "thank you" to my DH instead.

Isadora2007 · 01/01/2017 11:47

I wonder if it is that he feels he is being thanked for doing what is normal and so that feels a bit insulting?
I feel awkward when I get thanked for just doing what I do every day as part of being a wife and mum. It wouldn't annoy me as such but I guess I could get a bit weird as why would my husband say thank you one day for doing what I always do?

Manumission · 01/01/2017 11:48

It sounds like a subtle, cultural "lost in translation" situation to me.

Like a tu/vous thing?

Littlepeople12345 · 01/01/2017 11:50

He's being weird.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 01/01/2017 11:50

How ... odd (of him). Confused

Take it he isn't usually the type of person who could start a fight in an empty house?

TaliDiNozzo · 01/01/2017 11:50

OP your DH is being a little bit odd but I do rather suspect that there is a small amount of lost in translation going on here. If not it's just plain weird.

desperatehousewife2 · 01/01/2017 11:51

Definitely a compliment!

DorindaJ · 01/01/2017 11:51

Perhaps it has been said at work/elsewhere in a sarcastic manner - hence your partner not receiving what you have said in the spirit it was meant.

It was and is a compliment to be appreciated.

EmzDisco · 01/01/2017 11:52

Absolutely a compliment, me and DP try and say it regularly, stop us feeling like either of us are taken for granted in the daily domestic grind! Appreciate working hard, doing the boring chores, night feeds, takin rubbish to the dump. All worthy of a bit of appreciation!

And id be happy to hear it in other contexts "I really appreciate your work on this project" or "I really appreciate you feeding our cat while we were on holiday"

I cannot fathom even slightly why it would be insulting, it's a pretty normal everyday thing to say!

wifework · 01/01/2017 11:53

Definitely a language thing. Fair enough but now you've told him can you accept, Op's DP: she was being nice!?

MumbleBumbleBum · 01/01/2017 11:53

I wouldn't feel it was a compliment if dh said he appreciated me having done a household chore, however it would make me glow inside like I'd eaten a bowl of Ready Brek, so perhaps it is.

I'd more readily see a compliment as linked to an attribute of a person, for example, Mumble is a good listener / cook / mathematician.

Dh and I show gratitude for each other over the little things, it's so important. We would usually say along the lines of, "thank you for ironing my shirt", "the front room looks great now you've tidied it", I think these things are more reinforcement of what is valued and what we are grateful for than compliments to each other.

I see the general consensus is that it is a compliment though, so happy to accept that viewpoint.

MoggieMaeEverso · 01/01/2017 11:54

It's a bit formal to say to your spouse. Maybe it felt false or contrived to him? (Obviously you didn't mean it that way, just trying to imagine his take on it)

How does he show his appreciation for you? Through words, or some other way?

ProfYaffle · 01/01/2017 11:55

Surely got to be a language misunderstanding? Dh and I say it to each other all the time.

whyohwhy000 · 01/01/2017 11:56

In some other cultures, it's normal for family not to thank each other - it's simply "right" to do things for your family IYSWIM.