To be so angry with DP?

[Rinmybell]

Our 5week old DS was hospitalised this week and ofcourse it was a very sad/scary time. I stayed at the hospital with him - not leaving once.
(Good news) we came home last night and I was so excited too have a New Year's Eve in with the children and DP. The house was in such a state when I came home. But I chose to overlook it and decided I'd sort it today after DS2's hospital appointment.
However literally 10 mins of me walking through the door, I was ambushed with demands requests.
For example, the washing up, clean his work shirts, tidy the living room, etc. It really pissed me off as during all of this I was feeding, especially as due to being so poorly he was mostly syringe fed, so he's getting used to bf again so a lot of readjusting his latch etc.
Then comes bed time and ofcourse DS2 doesn't want to settle in his cradle. No surprises there's he's been cuddled non stop for a week, is still poorly still fitted with 2 canulas, so on.
DP was snappy and moody because in all honesty -I'm ashamed to say- he wanted to dtd and the attention I was showing DS2 was getting in the way of that.
I have woken up today so, so angry. And not sure if I even want to speak to him particularly. How can he be so selfish?
I don't want too 'LTB' but honestly his selfishness and lack of help is next level so maybe my choices are limited.
I can just about cope with the amount of housework and his stroppiness when both children are well
Am I overreacting?!

Well I wrote a letter earlier explaining how I felt, whilst baby was asleep and DS1 was playing upstairs I read it to him and then left it for him to refer back to if he felt he needed too and left the room.
Anyhow, his response wasn't the miracle I had hoped would happen. So after baby's treatment has completely finished I will be staying with family.
I would just like to say thank you to those who tried to support as best they can over a forum and I would like to let those know who said comments like 'you chose to have a second child with him', and 'you're a fool' that sometimes in life things just aren't that black and white and writing this post was really difficult because I felt embarrassed of his behaviour so to then be bashed on top of that is pretty tough. Maybe consider how you approach things in future.
If I do leave him for good, I will be a 4 hour drive from any family, in a new city, have no money of my own, no job to return too (lost my job before we moved and was pregnant with DS2) with 2 children.
People have been in worse situations but that doesn't stop it still being tough and comments like that could really affect someone.
You can't foresee your future, and believe me no one plans for their relationship to go tits up.
I don't think us not being legally wed makes any difference btw.
I love him and he loves me, but unfortunately life's a bitch.

Oh Op, that's crap. Good luck & stay strong. Things will work out for the best & you'll have the life / partner you deserve.

OP why would your option be moving 4 hours from family?
Im just asking because sometimes people feel so upset at breaking up its hard to see the wood for the trees.

You can have a good life, honestly

So sorry OP - and I hope some of those who post without thinking how what they say about your partner AFFECTS YOU(!) will read your latest update and take note!

This going to be tough but you will get through. All the very best and I hope you find someone who deserves you

lorelei

I wouldn't be moving 4 hours away, we live 4 hours away from family/friends. We relocated last year.

Sorry that he didn't have a miraculous change in attitude. I hope things improve for you. You don't need to rush to make any decisions though- it even if you are at in leaving, is there a way you could wait until you're in a better situation to do it?

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out the way you hoped.
If he loved you he would think about what you said and be willing to do things differently. If he is unwilling to see things from your perspective then he doesn't love you.
It is hard to be alone with 2 small children but it is just as hard to be with a man who behaves selfishly and doesn't help you and seems not to care about your feelings.

On a practucal note, is the house rented or owned? Whose name is it in? It might be better if you stay put and he moves out. Take your time and gather all your info before you go anywhere. Maybe get some legal advice or talk to CAB.

Good luck OP. I'm a single mother to a one year old and his father is an abusive twat who everyone advised me against. You do what feels right at the time and unfortunately sometimes things don't work out. It's hard but at least we aren't being abused in our own homes.

Ah I see op
I hope you can move back
All the best to you.

Good luck op. And in the meantime, I'm sure he can work out how to use the iron and dishcloth!

What a horrible man, did he behave the same way after your first child? It sounds like he doesn't have an ounce of feeling for any of you.

Sorry read the update. Well, you've done all you can do. It's generous of you to give him a chance to change and grow up while you're away. Fingers crossed for you.

I'm sorry he didn't react like as a reasonable person might to your letter.

That's disgusting. It's unforgivable deal-breaker behaviour for me, but you seem to want to move on and not LTB. So, YANBU. If you want to stay with the pig I have no advice.

Well done op. Best of luck for the future x

Im sorry about his reaction :(
I am not sure what would be the best decision. I suspect you are the one who will know that.

I do know that things will only work if you can establish new strong boundaries.

I also do agree about looking at what would be best for you to do re moving out of the house (even if for a short time).
I can fully see why going to find support with family is what feels right for you too. But you also need to check what could be the effect on a LT pov if things do not work out.

Good luck with it. I do hope that your lo will be better soon.

Best of luck OP. Unfortunately there are a contingent of posters on MN who seem to think that everyone has a crystal ball, which should be thoroughly checked before going past the first date. Sometimes people change, sometimes people hide their true personalities and it only emerges over time - or when there is a big life event, such as the birth of a child.

If you need support please continue to post, but go to the Relationships thread. There are lots of posters on there who will hold your hand through leaving, if you need advice or somewhere to vent.

Oh sweetheart, he isn't even trying to see things from your point of view is he. You and your children deserve better.

Sorry just read OP update, YABU to be annoyed at pps responses. They've mostly been spot on IMO and, again, you've asked for opinions and advice and that's what you've been given. You can move back to family and he surely would pay money towards the children via CMS? He is a bastard, sorry.

I don't think us not being legally wed makes any difference btw.

It does for a lot of people in similar situations.

I certainly can't sling any judgement on any woman for making the mistake of having children with a cunt..I had 3!
I do judge him though, very harshly.
You and your children deserve better. If he had to have it pointed out to him where he went wrong here then you are absolutely better off without him and I'm sorry his response wasn't what you hoped. I wish you and your family all the best x

You are no fool, OP. You are a great mum too. There are some very spiteful and at best thoughtless posts on here.

Sorry he hasn't reacted to your letter in the way you would have hoped. Perhaps given time he might, but i guess that is by no means guaranteed.

Any idea how long until your baby's treatment finishes and you can get to your family for support and space to think?

So sorry things have turned out this way OP. I too was a little shocked at some of the later posts on here, especially questioning why you had a second child. As you rightly say, life isn't straight forward, as people aren't straight forward. We all make choices against a background of completely individual events. None of us are the same, and only we ever really know why we chose as we did.

I'm a single parent, my dc are older than yours. My relationship was mostly good, but when my dp showed me that he couldn't support me as he should have done, that his priorities were different to mine, and that ultimately he wasn't who I thought he was, it was over. It was painful, but it was for the best. Ultimately it looks like it will be the best for you. But it's still hard.

I hope your ds continues to go from strength to strength, and that your new life is as good as you can make it. You deserve better.

gorgeous
I actually I think the OP has a point there. when things are hard and you are in such crap situation, you dont need to be kicked down again.
There are ways to say things and a lot of the comments have been unnecessary harsh.

Besides, if the OP is saying that she felt as if she was kicked again and made to feel even more crap, then that's how she felt and she CNBU to feel like this.

Some people have been foul to you, OP.

Im so sorry for the situation you're in but you seem to be handling it admirably.

Very best of luck and lots of strength to you. You do have support on here.