To be so angry with DP?

[Rinmybell]

Our 5week old DS was hospitalised this week and ofcourse it was a very sad/scary time. I stayed at the hospital with him - not leaving once.
(Good news) we came home last night and I was so excited too have a New Year's Eve in with the children and DP. The house was in such a state when I came home. But I chose to overlook it and decided I'd sort it today after DS2's hospital appointment.
However literally 10 mins of me walking through the door, I was ambushed with demands requests.
For example, the washing up, clean his work shirts, tidy the living room, etc. It really pissed me off as during all of this I was feeding, especially as due to being so poorly he was mostly syringe fed, so he's getting used to bf again so a lot of readjusting his latch etc.
Then comes bed time and ofcourse DS2 doesn't want to settle in his cradle. No surprises there's he's been cuddled non stop for a week, is still poorly still fitted with 2 canulas, so on.
DP was snappy and moody because in all honesty -I'm ashamed to say- he wanted to dtd and the attention I was showing DS2 was getting in the way of that.
I have woken up today so, so angry. And not sure if I even want to speak to him particularly. How can he be so selfish?
I don't want too 'LTB' but honestly his selfishness and lack of help is next level so maybe my choices are limited.
I can just about cope with the amount of housework and his stroppiness when both children are well
Am I overreacting?!

you are definantly not wrong to feel angry. Just having a baby means that dh should be helping out, regardless of the fact baby as been ill.

*most vulnerable

Utter utter wanker.

I realise it may not be sensible but I'd love him to read the responses on this thread.

What lorelai said. I can't believe he could look at his wife, taking such tender care of his newborn child and think 'its not fair! I want sex' rather than feel a surge of love and gratitude for having such a wonderful mother to his child. It shows something rotten at his very core I think. He actually expects you to put his need for sex about a tiny ill baby's need for nutrition.

So what on earth is his excuse for not doing the washing up and housework and sorting out his own shirts?

This is one of those threads where you desperately hope the OP is on a wind up. The prospect of someone actually behaving like that is so awfully sad.

So many questions! I may miss out a few answers by accident.

We unfortunately do not have a housekeeper and the housework doesn't particularly bother me as he visited the hospital everyday we were there bringing meals/clothes/blankets etc and was caring for DS1 who is 4.
Baby still has canulas in because he still has to be taken into hospital for continuing treatment but he is now allowed to come back home with us.
Ofcourse he has good qualities not sure if MN will see them as 'redeeming' I don't think I need too write an essay on all the good things he does but yes generally he is a loving, caring and funny partner/father.
When you commit to someone I believe you accept their flaws. I certainly have mine - moodiness being one of them, and I accepted his brash and sometimes selfish nature as his.
He is usually good in the sense that once I have pointed out where his faults have been he tries to rectify it.
I just don't feel like this time I should have to sit him down and tell him where he fucked up because I am not his mother.
Reading the responses makes me sad because perhaps I have been naïve, and his behaviour was a lot worse than I first realised and also makes me glad that my feelings this morning are reasonable.

You need to have a conversation about how you need him to support you and behave like a parent. It's not all about him. His selfishness is breathtaking given the circumstances.

You are supposed to be a team. The baby has to come first. He should be in charge of keeping the house in order for the time being. You shouldn't need to tell him this stuff.

Gobsmacked. . You poor thing. I'm so pleased your little one is on the mend.

If you have the strength and support, I would bundle up the children and go and stay with your parents or other family members for a while. Tell him you'll come back when he's cleaned and sorted out the house and his clothes and the fridge is stocked and he's cooked you a meal..... Anything I missed? Perhaps tell him to buy a big steak to fuck or make a hole in the mattress.

There is a big difference between accepting someone's flaws and their behaviour being cuntier than a cunt.

If your Ds came to you with this would you tell him to accept this "flaw" Or if your daughter in law confided in you that your Ds had done this would you tell her to accept it?

When you commit to someone you accept their flaws, yes, but you do not condemn yourself to a lifetime of being treated like a sex-giving housework bot.

And to address the dtd issue.
It wasn't 'put that child down I want sex' it was more getting huffy when i would pick the baby back up when he started to grizzle and then being shirty with me when I was trying to make conversation.
So clearly pissed off that the baby was still not asleep and his want for sex was not going to be met.
We had spoken earlier that we would like to dtd if the opportunity came about

When you commit to someone I believe you accept their flaws

Shitty selfish behaviour is beyond a flaw

There's a big difference between accepting someone's flaws and having a partner who expects housework to be done within minutes of arrival home with a poorly baby and expects sex instead of his poorly baby getting attention.

Added to this, you say he is normally stroppy and crap with housework.
Also I don't want to assume but too often brilliant dad on MN means he makes the DC laugh or something, really we don't know if our parents are brilliant for several years, theres an awful lot to it.

Dd you want to dtd with him?

I'd be fuming. You're definitely not over reacting. He's being lazy and selfish. Hope your baby makes a full recovery very soon. Tell him your pissed off and why. He needs to know.

X post
You explanation re him wanting sex doesn't make him sound any better.

What does 'dtd' and LTB mean?

Why were you the one picking the baby up and not him?

A flaw is being a bit messy, or disorganised, or forgetfulness.

Flaws are things that people can't help.

The way he behaved - he didn't have to be like that. It's not a flaw.

He's an utter PIG!

Yes he may have redeeming features, but when the chips were down, he fell down with them and spectacularly so. Would it have killed him to do his own fucking washing up? I presume you have a dishwasher, as most people do these days - how hard is it to load and run that at least?
Ditto the washing - it's not fucking astrophysics, read the label, read the laundry box, work it the fuck out!

Oh he looked after his own child for a few days - wow. That's what YOU do all the time AND manage everything else, isn't it?

But the truly shocking thing in your OP is that fact that he felt he needed to pressure you for sex after possibly one of the most scary weeks of your life, when you were tired, still trying to re-establish normality with your DS2 etc. - but yet he felt his "needs" were more important than any of that. That's truly saddening and shows him to be an utter arsehole.

summer

Do The Deed

Leave The Bastard.

It's ok that he didn't do that much housework, he may have had his hands full as you say. It is very un-ok that he expected that you were the one who had to do it when you got home. What the actual?

And the pressuring you to have sex is horrible. That's not normal.

No, you're not his mum but you need to have a word with him about your boundaries and expectations and see where that leads. If he does anything other than apologise and make amends, then you need to reconsider your LTB-stance.

Yanbu. I'd have let rip by now. He's really let you down and needs to know it.

Thanks racoon.

Urgh that's disgusting that he is pressuring you for sex, not only have you just given birth, but your baby is poorly! He sounds warped.