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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so angry with DP?

182 replies

Rinmybell · 01/01/2017 09:27

Our 5week old DS was hospitalised this week and ofcourse it was a very sad/scary time. I stayed at the hospital with him - not leaving once.
(Good news) we came home last night and I was so excited too have a New Year's Eve in with the children and DP. The house was in such a state when I came home. But I chose to overlook it and decided I'd sort it today after DS2's hospital appointment.
However literally 10 mins of me walking through the door, I was ambushed with demands requests.
For example, the washing up, clean his work shirts, tidy the living room, etc. It really pissed me off as during all of this I was feeding, especially as due to being so poorly he was mostly syringe fed, so he's getting used to bf again so a lot of readjusting his latch etc.
Then comes bed time and ofcourse DS2 doesn't want to settle in his cradle. No surprises there's he's been cuddled non stop for a week, is still poorly still fitted with 2 canulas, so on.
DP was snappy and moody because in all honesty -I'm ashamed to say- he wanted to dtd and the attention I was showing DS2 was getting in the way of that.
I have woken up today so, so angry. And not sure if I even want to speak to him particularly. How can he be so selfish?
I don't want too 'LTB' but honestly his selfishness and lack of help is next level so maybe my choices are limited.
I can just about cope with the amount of housework and his stroppiness when both children are well
Am I overreacting?!

OP posts:

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/01/2017 09:45

He sounds like a giant baby. There's nothing more off-putting than a sulking, nagging man-child is there?

Inertia · 01/01/2017 09:45

You are massively under-reacting. Your partner is horrendous.

Olbasoiltime · 01/01/2017 09:46

ArgyMargy · 01/01/2017 09:47

Why do people keep asking whether he has redeeming features? Do you realise how insulting this is to the OP? Unfortunately like many adult men he is behaving like a child. It's not going to be a quick fix but he needs to grow up.

Afreshstartplease · 01/01/2017 09:47

What a dick

Honestly op he is so far out of line here

wrapsuperstar · 01/01/2017 09:48

Why don't you want to leave him? Your post made me so very sad.

I don't see how you can hope for a happy 2017 sharing your life with a 'man' like that.

Celaena · 01/01/2017 09:50

You are in a very weak position if you are unwilling to LTB.

Ltd is a kind of last resort if you cannot see any improvement (or if behaviour is so bad there is no choice)

But from the sounds of it does has always been a bit of an arse
I don't want too 'LTB' but honestly his selfishness and lack of help is next level so maybe my choices are limited.
I can just about cope with the amount of housework and his stroppiness when both children are well confused
What are you staying for? Life with a DP isn't meant to be a constant battle, sure it's unlikely to be flowers and romance all the time, but where are your good times? Are there any?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 01/01/2017 09:50

so overnight he has turned into a self serving sex obsessed lazy inconsiderate twat has he??

if this is not the last straw or at least a serious turning point in your marriage then you are a bloody fool.

How many more events like this will you put up with? How much longer will you allow him to treat you like this??

PaulDacresConscience · 01/01/2017 09:53

No, no, no, no. no.

People are arses at times - none of us is perfect and we all have our faults. DH and I have had some stupid falling-outs over the years about daft things where sometimes, one of us has been unintentionally selfish or thoughtless.

I could deliver a bollocking about the house being a tip. If you've been in hospital then he should have stepped up and done the chores.

I could deliver a bollocking about unnecessary expectations - iron your own fucking shirts.

But there is absolutely no way I could forgive someone being stroppy with me for not wanting to have sex with them, because I was attending to our 5 week old baby who had just come out of hospital. I cannot imagine ever wanting to be physically intimate - or attracted to - someone who was so monumentally selfish that he would put his own desire for a shag, above the needs of his tiny newborn son.

You say that you don't want to LTB. Consider this: how would you feel if one of your children had called you upset, because their partner had treated them this way?

LiveLifeWithPassion · 01/01/2017 09:54

His behaviour is disgusting.
You need to up your expectations op. You're not his servant and concubine.
He should be able to do chores himself and step up at times when your baby and you are the priority, regardless of what your normal set up is.
His utterly selfish priority of sexual gratification is just appalling.
Start putting your foot down, tell him how terrible his behaviour and expectations are and discuss your new expectations.

Elvisrocks · 01/01/2017 09:55

Jesus, that sounds awful. That is far from normal behaviour. My DD was also hospitalised at five weeks old and when she came home nine days later, DH had stayed on top of all the housework and DTD was the last thing on either of our minds. I'd have felt utterly disgusted with him if he had behaved like your DP.

diddl · 01/01/2017 09:56

Why/how had it got into such a mess & why did he think that it was up to you to sort out stuff that had happened whilst you weren't there?

MudCity · 01/01/2017 09:57

I'm upset and angry for you 😡. I do hope things improve for you in 2017.

I think you definitely need to call him out on his behaviour....sounds like he just doesn't have a clue and lacks insight. You are going to have to address it because it will only get worse. If things don't improve then perhaps couples counselling is the way to go.

CalleighDoodle · 01/01/2017 10:00

Focus Of brrastfeeding this monting and give the lazy arse a list of all the jobs he needs to get done this morning.

Marmalade85 · 01/01/2017 10:03

I was in a similar situation and I LTB. Good luck OP

ChishandFips33 · 01/01/2017 10:04

Crikey! Yadnbu!!!!

Maybe if he'd spent some energy tidying/cleaning the house, washing and ironing his shirts, cooking you a meal etc he would be too knackered for any such thoughts

Completely selfish and paints a picture for you of how he sees you

Concentrate on getting your baby well again and restoring your energy - and then either kick him in to touch or tackle him to change his ways

Lorelei76 · 01/01/2017 10:06

His machine malfunctioned.

I'm sad you don't want to leave him.

ChasedByBees · 01/01/2017 10:06

He sounds absolutely gross.

ApolloniaVitelliCorleone · 01/01/2017 10:06

I rarely comment on posts but I was so outraged by your story. Firstly congratulations on your sons birth and I'm sure he'll go from strength to strength from here on in. I'm disgusted by your husbands behaviour. My own husband is pretty selfish and useless round the house so I'm not even comparing yours from a high standard believe me. I think it's just the blatant disregard for the horrendous week you have just been through and the lack of support for you and your new born's needs that have incensed me. You don't need a big blow out fight at this time but you need to sit him down level with you eyeball him and tell him exactly how he has let you both down. If possible try to remain calm. Let him know the damage he has done to the level of love and respect you have had for him until now. If you don't get a respectful reaction walk away and then write it all down and send it to him, paper, email whatever you prefer. Do not let him off the hook till he sees the damage he has done and tries to repair it. I will be thinking of you.

KatharinaRosalie · 01/01/2017 10:07

I have read many threads about selfish lazy twats here but this one So WTF was hedging while you were in the hospital with your poorly tiny baby?

IhatchedaSnorlax · 01/01/2017 10:09

He sounds horrendous.

LastLeaf · 01/01/2017 10:09

Congratulations on your Ds op and for what you have gone through the since his birth.

Now look at your beautiful son, remember how you have focussed on him and his needs whilst he has been at his most and remember how the only thing that mattered was being there for him. That is love.
Now imagine in 20+ years time and somebody is treating your son the same way your H is treating you. What would you advise your son? Would you tell him he should tolerate it?

Or imagine your son comes to you and moans that his wife has just given birth, been in hospital and then when she came home she wouldn't tidy,clean, have sex? Would you be proud of your son?

RacoonBandit · 01/01/2017 10:09

His priorities are not you or the children. They are himself and his needs.

Why would you want to be with a man like that?

TiredMumToTwo · 01/01/2017 10:10

I had similar, actually mine doesn't seem half as bad as yours, I LTB - it only got worse.

Adnerb95 · 01/01/2017 10:10

Good advice apollonia

Last chance saloon on this one.

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