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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing inheritance

162 replies

NaughtyNC · 31/12/2016 20:00

NC. Curious about this one.

My great aunt has left me about large sum of money.

She has 8 great nieces and nephews - i am the only great niece. My family (not my parents, they are going to split equally) are very much “money is left to males” only. My cousins hadn’t seen her in the ten (fifteen years for some) years before she died. I visited every time I could, helped with the house and went on holiday together twice a year, plus had her stay in London twice a year for a couple of days each time.

I didn't know anything about the money, or that she had that much. Apparently she spoke to my brother about it (he's an executor to the will) and my parents have known for years but didn't tell me incase she changed her mind.

My aunt has gone ape shite and wants me to share the money with her two boys (well all of them, but says it's unfair on her two boys). My brother has told me not to be a dick because her two boys both received 60,000 when my granddad died (they all did) and i received sweet FA. At that time there was no mention of any of them splitting the money with me. All the boys will receive the house and my nana’s savings when she dies.

What would you do?

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 31/12/2016 21:47

Your aunt wanted you to have it.
Accept it.

Note3 · 31/12/2016 21:51

I have recently discovered how legacies bring out sides to ppl you never knew existed and often not nice ones. In fact downright nasty sides if truth be told. I have had close family telling me how to spend my legacy, telling me to give it to another family member who was not left a legacy (they'd never so much as sent a Christmas card to our deceased family member), yet the person telling me to give up my legacy never considered giving up theirs for this purpose.

Please do not allow yourself to be guilted into anything. Your great aunt wanted you to have this legacy. It was her money to do with as she wished and she chose you. Do not allow others to guilt you or spend it for you as trust me when I say people will try.

Pikawhoo · 31/12/2016 21:52

Sounds like she was making up for unfair treatment elsewhere!

Keep the money and be happy. It's what she wanted.

FrogFairy · 31/12/2016 21:53

They can fuck off.

Enjoy the money that your lovely aunt left you with her love and blessing. Also the memories of the time you spent with her are priceless treasures.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2016 21:54

I'd very quietly buy your nice brother a small treat just coz he sounds so lovely!

Katedotness1963 · 31/12/2016 21:59

So, your auntie was fine with her boys inheriting and you getting nothing, but now you're inheriting and her boys getting nothing things should be shared out better? Tell her to bugger off!! Your great aunt wanted you to have the money, keep it and enjoy it.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 31/12/2016 22:02

OP, I agree you need to make a will.

But keep the money, I see no reason to share it considering no-one shared with you (excusing your decent DB, as he's doing a decent thing here).

ShelaghTurner · 31/12/2016 22:02

Bollocks to that! Keep every penny, ignore the gold digging ratbag! But yeah, do something nice for the lovely brother and fuck everyone else.

WonderMike · 31/12/2016 22:04

It's penis portions with inheritance Smile Go with what your great aunt wanted and stuff your non-sharing cousins.

coconutpie · 31/12/2016 22:07

Tell your aunt to fuck right off. That is YOUR money as your gran aunt decided YOU should have it. Your aunt has some fucking neck on her.

Creampastry · 31/12/2016 22:07

Keep it ... it's what your aunt wanted.

Megatherium · 31/12/2016 22:17

Tell your aunt you are following normal family practice. No-one shared your grandfather's estate with you, therefore you are not sharing your great aunt's estate.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 31/12/2016 22:17

The fact of the family "tradition" is irrelevant.
Who got left money already, or who might inherit after a future death are both irrelevant.
The only fact that matters is that your GA left you money in her Will. The executors have to abide by her wishes as stated in the Will. That's all there is to it.

Enjoy. (Though I must say I liked the suggestion of matching what your Decent Bro put away to help Other Bro.)

DrDreReturns · 31/12/2016 22:18

A friend of my wife's spent ages caring for her mother and father when they were elderly while her brother did sweet fuck all. When they died he inherited everything because he was the male relative. It's so wrong.
In your shoes I'd keep your inheritance and tell your Aunt to get lost.

GrassIsJewelled · 31/12/2016 22:18

Keep it all. It's yours.

HecateAntaia · 31/12/2016 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cakeycakecake · 31/12/2016 22:26

I'd message her asking if she's high. Then tell her I have a trip to Maui to plan and never speak with her about it again.
Being left something in a will-be it a special book (my nan left me her Beatrix potter collection as she knew it was special to me- to us) or a sum of cash, is done so with full thought of how much a person means to another. It shows the relationship in written form. It says to the world 'this is what I feel about the people in my life' at the point where they are no longer here to say it.
This woman clearly loved you and you obviously had a wonderful relationship. To give away her final gift to you to family who she had no ongoing relationship with, would be disrespectful of her wishes in my opinion. If you give it to charity, fine, it goes to a good cause. But she deemed you to be that one person whom she loved so much that she wanted to improve your life. Please honour her memory and spend it on exactly what YOU want.
Not what your selfish aunt wants you to spend it on

TheZeppo · 31/12/2016 22:35

Your decent brother sounds like a really wonderful bloke. Just thought I'd share that.

Don't share! It's yours!

JigglyTuff · 31/12/2016 22:46

You keep it all and enjoy every penny of it. From what little you've said here, I expect you to do much more good with the whole sum than they would do with their share.

FWIW, I have a friend whose brothers inherited absolutely everything, dad paid for school fees for boys only etc. Her great-aunt did exactly what yours has done.

scottishdiem · 31/12/2016 22:54

FUCK THAT.

Keep it. Money grabbing bastards.

You were the person to whom it was left and it looks like there was a good reason for that.

Enjoy it.

(my massive passive aggressive streak would prompt me to spend in a way to annoy them. Or save it for retirement but let everyone know!)

Fartleks · 31/12/2016 23:02

Yes I bet your great aunt got a lot of pleasure of of the fact she could treat you and show you how much she appreciated you

slithytove · 31/12/2016 23:26

Your money.

I'm sorry for your loss. Never easy, least of all when inheritance causes fights.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 31/12/2016 23:26

Bloody hell, it almost makes me glad my family are practically broke so it can't cause carnage / be one last insult when the pass. What kind of sick tradition is it to only pass to the men anyway?

Surely if it was accurate only the eldest grandson inherits so as not to dilute the estate or wealth or some other such rot so the other 6 grandsons would have been equally excluded. Sod the lot of them OP, keep it for yourself and smile in memory of your fantastic GA whenever you buy something with it.

38cody · 31/12/2016 23:41

Keep it and remind your aunt that you had a good relationship with her and when the boys inherited previously there was no sharing. It's called a will for a reason - it was your great aunt's will - ie her desire. END OF.

oohlalala · 31/12/2016 23:43

Agree its yours. Maybe suggest to your Aunt that if she feels that her boys ought to be treated the same then they ought to give you the percentage of the other inheritances you missed out on for being a girl. BTW I'm pretty appauled that was even a reason for you to not inherit and maybe it was a reason why your great aunt singled you out to make things a bit fairer.

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