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Original poster

Fucking ex-wife and PIL

481 replies

FedUpBird · 31/12/2016 08:03

So DH and his EW (ex-wife) split 10 years ago and his family still host her at Christmas and new year.

My SIL has made it very clear she hates me and keeps a photo of DH and EW so I don't go to her house as I feel I'm made un-welcome. They have 2 kids and while I understand they see the kids which is fine but why the hell do they host her!

DH is fucked off with it and has had it out with his sister and has also blocked her on social media as they have photos on there playing happy bloody families.

We've been together about 7 years and married 2, the kids and I get on and they love coming to ours and are made very welcome.

AIBU to feel annoyed that they still treat the EW like they should treat me...gah

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 31/12/2016 13:22

good post new they must go on about the ex or op wouldnt even know

thats nasty imo

and he has every right to block his dsis on facebook if he feels what shes doing is wrong

NewNNfor2017 · 31/12/2016 13:25

it's clear from the OP that the in laws have been hosting her for years after the split and before OP came on the scene and the DH didn't fall out with them then.

Really? How on earth could the OP "be clear" about that ? She wasn't there ?

Ellapaella · 31/12/2016 13:26

Totally agree with New.

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 13:27

split 10 years ago and his family still host her at Christmas and new year.

This is from the OP New the word still is a clear indication is it not?

NewNNfor2017 · 31/12/2016 13:30

I read that as "still has a close relationship with after 10 years" rather than "still does the same thing they've been doing every year" but I can see how it can be read either way.

Yoarchie · 31/12/2016 13:31

Very difficult op. The thing is, EW was part of your DH family. When DH and EW split, the family may not have wanted to also split with EW. She was a member of the family and they aren't binning her.

Take my BIL and SIL for eg. BIL is my children's biological uncle. SIL their auntie by marriage. SIL had two dc already so they became my dc's step cousins and my PIL's step grandchildren. However never was the "step" stated. PIL treated the four similarly aged grandchildren equally regardless of step/bio status. Cousins also considered same as other bio cousins on other side of family. So imagine the scene when BIL cheats on SIL and bins her off. My children were horrified and said they did not want to lose their auntie and cousins. My PIL did not want to lose DIL and GC. It's very complicated and I think you should not take it personally.

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 13:37

I read that as "still has a close relationship with after 10 years" rather than "still does the same thing they've been doing every year" but I can see how it can be read either way.

How can you read still host her at Christmas as still has a close relationship? Confused

It says STILL HOST HER AT CHRISTMAS not relationship so clearly it has been going on for 10 years. Wow never seen a poster completely change the words Of an OP before to fit their own agenda before Hmm

SomethingLikeFlying · 31/12/2016 13:38

It wouldn't be so bad if the op's in laws didn't hate her and who probably wish she doesn't exist.
So say the op goes to the in laws with her husband, and wants to spend time with him and his family. But they for some reason hate her, particularly the SIL. Then add the fact that they all still love the ex and therefore she will be there, they will probably engage with her all day and shun the op, compare them both, have a little bitch about the op when she's out of the room etc etc... The op is left to feel awkward and like will never be good enough compared to her husband's ex.

It feels like that film Meet the Parents.

I can kind of see why the op doesn't want to be "a grown up" and go along and deal with a situation like that.

If the family were more accepting of the op and didn't hate her, maybe the op wouldn't feel quite so uneasy about the ex being there as well. Because in the op's eyes she feels like she will never measure up and it's not fair the in laws making her feel that way.

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 13:43

So they hate her.
They cannot be forced to like her.
They may be right to hate her or they may be a bunch of twats.

Either way the OP and DH cannot force them to like his wife. They did not choose her to be in their family.

Best thing they can do is to get on with their own lives. Go no contact if that's what they want but moaning and throwing a strop while blaming the ex is not going to solve the issue.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2016 13:44

fedup how does she treat your kids?

I think then sil is doing it out of spite, for some reason or other, she has taken a disliking to op. Is trying to make life hard for op and rub her face in it.

Original poster
FedUpBird · 31/12/2016 13:45

I've done nothing to warrant the hate, the SIL said to me that I've ruined her DBros life!

We're very happy together and it's like she's jealous and wants him to unhappy. It's all very odd

OP posts:
NewNNfor2017 · 31/12/2016 13:45

What's my agenda, raccoon? Hmm

I've been known to say "my exH still visits my parents regularly" even though we never visited them regularly when we were together. I use the word "still" to reflect the passing on time since such visits would be conventional, and now, when they clearly aren't.

I think this thread has demonstrated why so many families are fragmented by this issue - because it is one that polarises opinion.

SomethingLikeFlying · 31/12/2016 13:46

I agree they should get on with their own lives and should go nc.

Olympiathequeen · 31/12/2016 13:47

As usual you are only getting one side of the story.

The OPs IL 'hate' her. I wonder why? They must have reasons.

It's not logical for a people to hate someone without a reason.

And who's to say the hatred and jealousy didn't start with the OP for them continuing a friendship with the exW?

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 13:48

I have no idea what your agenda is New but you changed the wording of the OPs post to fit it.

NewNNfor2017 · 31/12/2016 13:50

As usual you are only getting one side of the story.

Makes you wonder what the point of MN is really, doesn't it - commenting on threads where you only get "one side of the story".

If you disbelieve parts of the OPs post, why do you believe any of it? The whole thing could be fictitious. Where do you draw the line on what you are willing to accept and what you don't ?

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 13:51

We're very happy together and it's like she's jealous and wants him to unhappy. It's all very odd

She is is sister so she must have displayed strange behaviour like this before?

If you are happy together OP then stop trying to force others to accept you as it is this which will make you unhappy.
Even if they did what you and DH wanted and cut contact with the ex you would still be unhappy because you would know they did because they were forced to choose not because they wanted to or like you better.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2016 13:51

Then op you distance yourself from them, and go nc. Yes we are taking op at face value as that's all we got, from the op and her posts, the sil sounds quite toxic. How does she treat your kids together?

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2016 13:53

Op has said nothing about pil hating her, only sil! People are putting things there which are not, and are elaborating their own story on the op.

Aderyn2016 · 31/12/2016 13:53

So sil has been asked by her own brother to remove the photo and has chosen not to. I get that it is her right to have what she likes in her house but she is clearly stating that how her brother feels is not important to her.
The OP doesn't say if she and her dh have dc, but if they do, either now or in the future, the ils are doing nothing to promote a good family relationship there.
I don't think anyone believes the family should cut exw out when she is the mother of the children and liked but it is weird to prioritise her over their own son/ brother.

If my folks did this, I wouldn't want to spend time with them either.

maddy68 · 31/12/2016 13:53

I'm massively on the fence here. My family occasions (Xmas, New Years random get togethers) all involve the ex husbands, ex wife's current wives/partners and it all works really well
But this an only happen once everyone feels secure
It really is lovely as despite marriages breaking down they were once part of the family and when children are involved always will be. In fact the ex wife's in our family tend to be really really close friends as a result. They go on girly holidays

SomethingLikeFlying · 31/12/2016 13:54

Makes you wonder what the point of MN is really, doesn't it - commenting on threads where you only get "one side of the story".

I was just about to say the same thing! You're only going to get one side of the story on here, unless person on the other side is miraculously on MN as well to give their side.

So these threads are pointless really aren't they if nobody can take the op's posts as the truth. She's said herself she has done nothing to warrant the hatred towards her- why is that so unbelievable? If the tables were turned and it was the ex saying she has done nothing to warrant the hatred, I doubt she would have people doubting her.

TheWoodlander · 31/12/2016 14:00

The OPs IL 'hate' her. I wonder why? They must have reasons.
It's not logical for a people to hate someone without a reason.

You'd think, wouldn't you? But some people are v judgemental on divorce itself, and so just will not accept the second wife/husband, no matter what.

My aunt (dad's sister) was exceedingly strange about my dad divorcing - and seemed to side with my stepmum. You should have heard the way she spoke about dad's new partner - a woman she'd never even met.

But hey ho, this was aeons ago, and it did all sort itself out. But it was pretty nasty for he rest of us, who didn't want to 'take sides' as it were.

JigglyTuff · 31/12/2016 14:04

But what's so awful about the ex-wife? Why shouldn't DH's family invite her for Xmas when she's the mother of their grandchildren?

Should she be excluded solely because she's his ex-wife? That seems to be the argument here and that's what's bloody odd (and rather childish).

SheldonCRules · 31/12/2016 14:10

Maybe SIL got more involved with the ex after the split to maintain a relationship with the children.

You and your DH should be pleased it's amicable that way, it's the children who benefit.

Trying to cut the ex out as it's sits you both is petty, she's the mother of his children fgs.

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