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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of my step kids and their rudeness and disrespect.

391 replies

HannahSmithson45 · 30/12/2016 19:19

I feel like crying this evening. Please tell me if it's me overreacting or not.

So my two stepchildren stepson 16 nearly 17 and step daughter 15 are very sporty and along with my dh they go for runs and the gym. During the holidays they have been doing some kind of sporting activity every morning.

My ds is of a similar age and is not very active, however I encouraged him to join in on the activities yesterday and today. Yesterday they left my ds behind will our running (this is dh as well). So eventually because it is a lap around the local park they caught up with him. My ds has always struggled with sporting activities. Ds told me my step kids made made bitchy and out right nasty comments about how he can't run and how he needs to lose weight. These weren't said in front of dh but were said. I could tell it really got to my ds as he started crying when he told me earlier today (he doesn't always share how he feels.

We went out as a family earlier to the shops. We were to leave my dh has to to tell my step daughter off because she said to me "your going out like this". I was wearing no makeup and had decided I could not be bothered to put any on today. Dh made her apologise, I acceapted this apology.

While out I notice how she is rude everytime my ds tries to make conversation with her. He will try and speak to her but she will simply give a pissed off look and will just reply with one word answers. This is true of me as well.

My dd got in trouble after she insulted my family to her mother. She called me and my family money grabbing and that I'm only with her dad for his money. This is simply not true I work as well. However that was a long time ago.

However she said something really snobby about the part of town most of my family are from and where I lived before dh. I said to her back "not everyone that lives there is a criminal, chav, or on benefits". I then said well I'm from there and I've never committed a crime or claimed a benefit and I'm not a chav. She started sniggering along with stepson when I said this. My dh was away in the toilet when she said this at the restaurant, but I told him and he asked her and stepson about this and they both lied. So it was my son and my word against them. I let this go and I honestly can't be asked to argue with a fifteen year old.

My ds entered the bathroom while my step daughter was getting out the bath. She had not closed the door or locked it. He was naked as he was about to get in the bath. Ds left as soon as he saw her and she wasn't naked as she was wearing her dressing gown.

However later that evening I hear her making a fuss. She began to insult my ds about his body and was getting really nasty. I come in the room to find my ds crying and my stepson laughing. I told stepdaughter to go to room. To which she began to insult me and my ds and she called me dumb, bitch, jealous of her, money grabbing, chav, fat etc etc. I was close to tears and my ds was crying in the other room.

Dh intervenes and by this point ds had told
Me about the running incident. I was really annoyed and was expecting dh to take my side.

Guess what he comes and says that I need to apolgise to both stepchildren. He also said I had made dd cry.

This point my stepson comes in and begins to insult me as well in front of dad.

Then all of a sudden stepson out of the blue invited 3 friends round. Turns out dad had allowed them and given them money to get pizza.

I'm just sick of this, they get away with it because they lie to their dad and play the victim. They make me out to be a big horrible step mum and I'm not. I'm a step mum that doesn't want to be insulted all day and my ds be builled and have his privacy interfered with.

The bathroom thing I get why step daughter would be annoyed and I've done it with her before as she doesn't close the door. But today and yesterday me and ds don't deserve this.

Her and to a lesser extend stepsons behaviour has been so bad the last couple of months. It's been bad since we told them that we are expecting another child.

OP posts:
HannahSmithson45 · 31/12/2016 22:46

Oh and reading this thread. I've been offended by many posters regarding the topic of ds weight.

The idea that ds will be inspired by his step brother and step sister and their healthy bodies, that is so offensive. Ds should be aiming to be healthy not attractive. Plenty of people are unhealthy but have attractive bodies.

The idea they are motivating him is also offensive. Fat shaming and insulting has been shown to do the exact opposite.

OP posts:
Misstic · 31/12/2016 23:13

I don't know where you get the idea that people are focusing on attractiveness rather than your DS's health and fitness.

You seem to be easily insulted and perceive insults where not is intended.

I think it is a convenient cover to claim fat shaming bur your son is fat and should do something about it. You may not wish for this to be pointed out to him and may wish to term this fat shaming but the fact is your son is fat - morbidly obese. If you find this insulting then I am sorry but that is the truth and trying to wrap it up in nice paper and decorations is pointless.

Do something about it instead of trying to deflect blame by playing victim and turning your anger towards those who simply point to a fact.

PaulDacresConscience · 31/12/2016 23:25

Do something about it instead of trying to deflect blame by playing victim and turning your anger towards those who simply point to a fact

Did I miss something? I'm sure that OP posted to ask if she was BU to be fed up with her step kids being rude. I don't recall her asking at all for advice, censure or criticism - however 'well meaning' - to do with her son's weight or medical issues.

Your post is rude and unhelpful - and also inaccurate as you seem to have overlooked the fact that OP has specifically said that her DS has lost a stone already and is making progress with his weight issues. But don't let the facts get in the way of an opportunity for you to kick someone when they're down Hmm

bumsexatthebingo · 31/12/2016 23:28

The ds is in the process of losing weight and has successfully lost some already with the support of the op. How is that doing nothing about it?
I'm not sure how the step siblings are helping by calling names and mocking him while he is trying to exercise. More like the opposite!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/12/2016 23:33

You seem to be easily insulted and perceive insults where not is intended.

Err no. 'Fat shaming' is not acceptable. Is downright rude and insulting.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/12/2016 23:35

No wonder he is being teased by his healthier step siblings. That doesn't make it acceptable but does make it unsurprising.

There is no excuse for this type of teasing full stop.

Oh and fit doesn't always equal healthy either.

Misstic · 31/12/2016 23:56

There is no excuse either for excusing or downplaying a patently unhealthy lifestyle. The OP's son is obese. I think it is fair to say that being sporty is far healthier than being obese.

PaulDacresConscience · 01/01/2017 00:00

That's right Misstic. Do keep ignoring the fact that he's lost a stone and is doing well with addressing his weight, with OP's support. It is far more important that you get to post and keep sticking your boot into the OP, than bother to read the whole thread and take in ALL of what has been said, instead of just seizing on one small part.

Happy new year OP. Ignore the cunty posters.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/01/2017 00:20

There is no excuse either for excusing or downplaying a patently unhealthy lifestyle.

There is absolutely no excuse for bullying or being nasty to people that are losing weight or are overweight.

Being supposedly fit and healthy doesn't make you morally superior or nicer people than those that aren't.

HannahSmithson45 · 01/01/2017 00:30

Happy new year.

Completely agree with posters being fit doesn't make someone a nicer person.

Fat shaming is always unacceptable, people probably already know if they are overweight without being insulted for it.

OP posts:
Misstic · 01/01/2017 00:39

Happy New Year. 2017 is here. Pointing out to a person that they are fat is not bullying.

No one said any one is superior because of their weight. The point us this, thd OP's son is morbidly obese. It is great that he is losing weight and he has done really well.

Throwing around words like bullying and fat shaming in the way it is being done here is ridiculous. What is fat shaming anyway?

38cody · 01/01/2017 00:44

why would your son be naked before he got to the bathroom?

HannahSmithson45 · 01/01/2017 00:46

*Happy New Year. 2017 is here. Pointing out to a person that they are fat is not bullying.

No one said any one is superior because of their weight. The point us this, thd OP's son is morbidly obese. It is great that he is losing weight and he has done really well.

Throwing around words like bullying and fat shaming in the way it is being done here is ridiculous. What is fat shaming anyway?*

Fat shaming is when someone picks on you for your weight. E.g. You fat pig (sorry if offensive just an example). Advice is you are at an unhealthy bmi perphaps you should try and lose some weight.

My stepchildren fat shame. Simple as. It's not just them a lot of people do.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/01/2017 00:51

Pointing out to a person that they are fat is not bullying.

Yes it can be actually. Whether you believe it to be or not.

Misstic · 01/01/2017 00:53

So the only acceptable way to point out that your son has a problem is to say 'you have an unhealthy BMI, perhaps you should try to lose some weight'?

Personally, if someone I love is obese, I would not insult them by calling them names but I would tell them in no uncertain terms that they are obese and need to sort themselves out and would do my best to help them lose weight. I would not muck about with softly, softly language.

Misstic · 01/01/2017 00:54

Saying it is bullying Piglet, does not make it bullying whether you believe it to be or not.

Ohdearducks · 01/01/2017 00:59

If he tried to make me apologise I'd tell him to take his kids and leave, if it's his house my son and I would be gone.
None of them are good enough for your son or your new baby.

HannahSmithson45 · 01/01/2017 01:05

So the only acceptable way to point out that your son has a problem is to say 'you have an unhealthy BMI, perhaps you should try to lose some weight'?

Well along similar lines yes.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/01/2017 01:10

Saying it is bullying Piglet, does not make it bullying whether you believe it to be or not.

Sorry but you are the one that thinks that there is nothing wrong with 'fat shaming' and picking on someone's weight so forgive me for thinking it is.

Manumission · 01/01/2017 01:51

So the only acceptable way to point out that your son has a problem is to say 'you have an unhealthy BMI, perhaps you should try to lose some weight'?

Personally, if someone I love is obese, I would not insult them by calling them names but I would tell them in no uncertain terms that they are obese and need to sort themselves out and would do my best to help them lose weight. I would not muck about with softly, softly language.

Confused

Miss you have a strange idea of "softly softly". Why would blunt and to the point still not be enough for you?

scottishdiem · 01/01/2017 02:23

Ok then. So in this thead some think its ok to have a go at a child for their weight. In other threads (including Relationships) men have told their partners to lose weight as they arent attractive anymore and the wrath of mumsnet ends up on full display. What is the difference?

fallenempires · 01/01/2017 02:33

This has turned into a really unpleasant thread with the focus now being directed at OP's son's weight rather than the support/advice that she had hoped to receive initially.
OP I hope that things will improve for you this coming year,family life with teens in the mix is never straightforward!

SohornaBlu · 01/01/2017 03:15

If your son is morbidly obese he'd be better off weight training to build muscle and walking lots. Don't send him out running, he could damage his joints and do serious injury to himself.

I think you need family councilling. This seems like a very unpleasant environment for all the children.

Manumission · 01/01/2017 03:25

Morbidly obese? Stop making stuff up Hmm

kittybiscuits · 01/01/2017 03:34

The OP did not ask for help regarding her son's weight.