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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family no longer coming to stay (head lice-related)

302 replies

boobashka · 30/12/2016 13:03

My brother and his family are in the UK for the holidays staying with my parents (2hours away). Since October the plan has been that they will come to ours for 3 days over New Year. So I have filled the fridge, booked a meal out, and in the last couple of days cleaned house from top to bottom and organised beds and bedding for everyone - 11 people including my other DB. I discovered head lice in myself and DD yesterday - promptly treated with Full Marks and thorough combing with the fine tooth nit comb. Now my brother and his wife no longer want to come here to stay in case their two DC (age 4 and 2) contract nits.
AIBU to be think that their decision is super selfish? My mum has been on the phone in tears (first time all her grandchildren were to be together) and my two DC are upset to not be spending time with their little cousins.

OP posts:
smellyboot · 30/12/2016 21:40

total over reaction ..... no reason at all to cancel

Rockmegently · 30/12/2016 21:47

They are absolute weirdos. Bizarre overreaction and to be so casual when they must understand the work that goes into hosting all those people for that long is bloody rude.

JustDanceAddict · 30/12/2016 21:55

Absolute bollox are they as serious as CP is. Use conditioner and a bit comb through f you can't use chemicals.

Original poster
boobashka · 30/12/2016 21:56

Thanks Rockmegently - you have summed up my feelings. They have been so casual about not coming - no communication, barely an apology. It sucks and I'm so hurt.

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 30/12/2016 22:00

Oh dear, that's awful of them! Nits are nothing, and I say that as a total neurotic!

cornflowerblu · 30/12/2016 22:02

Total overreaction and completely pathetic of them.

Changednamesorry · 30/12/2016 22:13

I wouldn't come to a house that had only just got rid of nits, sorry. My son has afro hair (so either I would have to shave his head or deal with agonising combing that would hurt him terribly) and I am pregnant so can't use the treatment. nits would be a nightmare for us! we have never had them and wouldn't want to start now.

I understand that it is upsetting for you but I think not wanting to catch lice is reasonable. Also if you only got rid of them yesterday - they can't be sure that you succeeded totally. Sorry! Did not wish to be mean but I can understand the other side.

CoteDAzur · 30/12/2016 22:17

"conditioner was the best thing - I'd do it a couple or four times a day and it worked well"

I can only guess that you all have straight fine and/or very short hair. DD (11) and I have very long, thick, curly manes. Even DS (7) has shorter but very thick hair. The one time we all got lice, it took SEVEN HOURS to treat two DC and myself. And I had to keep doing it for weeks. The last week I was treating everyone every fucking day and still found 1-2 lice every time. And of course every day I had to wash bedsheets, clothes, towels, everything at 60 days.

I am Shock at the blasé attitude of most people on this thread as in "Oh kids always have lice, so what, tra la la" and can only assume that it is why head lice is such a common occurrence around you. That and the belief of some that you treat it once and it disappears.

Nitty Gritty - Ha! I've got one. I can use it on DS's hair but not on DD's or mine because it just gets tangled up.

JustWoman · 30/12/2016 22:31

I'd still come and keep an eye on the kids heads touching. I had lice once or twice as a kid. I'm a nursery nurse and amazingly haven't caught them as an adult unlike my colleagues.

My sister has massive problems when she was a kid and probably would cancel a visit. She caught them over and over again to the point my mum couldn't get any more lotion as there was a risk of brain damage.

Dd has had them twice in reception and she's now y7 we've had no more. Policy was they can't go to school if live lice are present, and had to be treated and returned to school 24 hours after. Many parents ignored it and they'd be returned the next morning, but when I phoned school to say she has live lice after treatment, which pharmacist says is totally normal because eggs are not killed and they will continue hatch until the next treatment, and will do for the next week I was told to keep her home for the week.

I'm not sure why it's not made clear in the schools policy that as there will be live lice for a week, they should stay off for a week as they can't attend with live lice. People thought I was stupid for keeping dd off for the day and I should have just sent her in anyway.

A case of lice to me is no big deal, but it can be a big deal for others, it mean time off if childcare and school don't allow attendance with live lice, and then if there's more than one child catching them at different times those days off can mean a lot of lost money.

JustWoman · 30/12/2016 22:35

Worded last bit wrong.

I wouldn't have sent her in with lice, but people said I should have. While it's no big deal to me, it could be to the family dd passed them onto.

It wouldn't stop me visiting family though,

Pixel · 30/12/2016 23:23

Thanks NeedsAsockamnesty, but we have been using No Rinse shampoo. It's brilliant stuff and people have commented on his lovely hair Smile. We are now getting to the stage where he will let us wash his hair in the bath (using baby shampoo in case it gets in his eyes and puts us back to square one) but I wouldn't like to risk it with chemicals. We used an ordinary leave-in conditioner and plastic nit comb to get rid of the lice and have had no reccurence.

Changednamesorry · 30/12/2016 23:25

oh also - in other countries (I am outside the UK) it is not acceptable to send a lice infested child into school until they have been treated. They will be sent home and rightly so IMO

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/12/2016 23:45

Absolute bollox are they as serious as CP is. Use conditioner and a bit comb through f you can't use chemicals

My dd can't just use regular conditioner. FYI her shampoo and conditioner are 9 pounds a bottle.. so on top of the hedrin I'm wasting 9 pound a bottle conditioner in between.

ColdTeaAgain · 30/12/2016 23:53

I think if they were really keen to come they would carry on regardless. It's only a few nits, not ideal no, but hardly an out of control infestation. Maybe it's for the best OP, they sound like nobs tbh.

Upsy1981 · 31/12/2016 06:15

How ridiculous! I'm a TA in a reception class...do your family suggest I stay off work every time a child has nits for fear of infestation?! Give me a break!

Phantommagic · 31/12/2016 06:52

I've never had them either, or my siblings, or my children. I wonder if some people are naturally less prone? In terms of the OP, I'd have been glad of the warning so the children could tie hair back and so on but would still probably come to be polite. I'd be encouraging non contact play too.

If you don't tend to get them they do feel like a big deal though.

abbsisspartacus · 31/12/2016 07:02

I see no issues as long as they have been treated

I found coconut oil good for getting nits out wack it on leave for a bit and comb out

LynetteScavo · 31/12/2016 07:07

If someone told me they had nuts I would think they were trying to tell me not to come.

What's wrong with Hedrin? I've used it on my DC, used a decent nit comb...job done. Nits gone.

DH & I have never had nits...they are definitely more prevalent than they were....it's not a big thing these days. In the 80s you were kept off school- that would be seen as a dramatic reaction these days.

AnaMaleka · 31/12/2016 07:55

Op I think the reason they're not wanting to come is because when you're on a trip "back home" with young kids, everything is new for them and they are over-excitable and over-tired and every change of bed starts a new chain of "excitement" (less sleep). Plus your DB will have had the jet lagged kids to deal with.

He's there with the family and I'm betting the thought of decamping everyone to yours is a bit much. But instead of thinking it out for himself and explaining and apologising profusely, he's caught up in whatever is going on, sees something that might add to the stress of travelling with young kids and it's a step too much. If he lived in the U.K. and was coming from his home to yours and back to his home, it may have been very different.

He's being a twat, but it doesn't necessarily reflect how he feels about you.

KERALA1 · 31/12/2016 07:59

I get the nit fear - I think it's precious but I do get it. Dd1 has Afro hair and a de hitting session takes nearly 2 hours. As she's got older she physically keeps her distance from friends for this reason and hasn't had nits for years.

What I find shocking is the context. Bailing on visiting a sibling when you are a long haul flight away, upsetting sibling and your parents just to avoid nits? That's what I can't get my head round. Like lynette it's so odd I would see it as an excuse and be hurt.

Fartleks · 31/12/2016 08:01

You don't use one whole bottle of conditioner to comb out nits. Just a big blob of conditioner. Maybe twice what you'd use normally when normally washing hair.

Fartleks · 31/12/2016 08:02

If you comb out with the nitty gritty, you don't need hedrin.

eurochick · 31/12/2016 08:14

I'm 40 and have never had them and I don't recall ever hearing of anyone getting them when I was at school. They seem more common now. I suspect the harsher chemicals used to treat them have been banned.

Mrscog · 31/12/2016 08:22

I can't believe how many people still buy products either! I get for some people it's the only option but for most just condition and comb comb comb!

Given that you've treated and you could take precautions (hair back etc) they're being ridiculous. I think your mum and other family should still come and leave them on their own.

pringlecat · 31/12/2016 08:53

OP, I understand that you've gone to a lot of effort and the timing is bad, but I'm afraid I wouldn't come visit either. YANBU to feel hurt, but your DB and SIL ANBU to not risk catching nits.