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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family no longer coming to stay (head lice-related)

302 replies

boobashka · 30/12/2016 13:03

My brother and his family are in the UK for the holidays staying with my parents (2hours away). Since October the plan has been that they will come to ours for 3 days over New Year. So I have filled the fridge, booked a meal out, and in the last couple of days cleaned house from top to bottom and organised beds and bedding for everyone - 11 people including my other DB. I discovered head lice in myself and DD yesterday - promptly treated with Full Marks and thorough combing with the fine tooth nit comb. Now my brother and his wife no longer want to come here to stay in case their two DC (age 4 and 2) contract nits.
AIBU to be think that their decision is super selfish? My mum has been on the phone in tears (first time all her grandchildren were to be together) and my two DC are upset to not be spending time with their little cousins.

OP posts:
diddl · 30/12/2016 18:36

I'd probably cancel as well tbh.

Surely the point of telling them was so that they could cancel if they wanted to?

Original poster
boobashka · 30/12/2016 18:41

I'm not sure what "bum worms" are either, steff, but I'm pretty sure we don't have them Grin

Loving the crime scene suit idea Jake

OP posts:
Phineyj · 30/12/2016 18:45

Haha - these people live in Oz with the whopping great spiders and they are afraid of nits...words fail me...

Cloudhopping · 30/12/2016 18:53

I can't believe some of the posters saying you shouldn't have told them- I think you did exactly the right thing. Some people have become so blasé about nits and it's probably one of the main reasons they're so rife.

Treating them is not always as easy as sticking a bit of treatment on and they're gone. I'm sorry but I probably wouldn't have come. We've never had nits. My dd has severe scalp psoriasis and very thick hair so having to treat her for nits would be something I would not want to be doing.

AntiHop · 30/12/2016 18:53

I went on a weekend away with my sister and her family with my one year old. My neice had nits but one year old didn't catch them. If I'd known in advance it would not have occurred to me to cancel.

toots111 · 30/12/2016 18:58

But diddl, cloud hopping, if you had come all the way from Australia to see your sister and your nieces, would you really stay away for nits? Really? It's not like you can pop in and see them next week?

opinionatedfreak · 30/12/2016 18:58

If they are doctors they are out of date. Current advice is to comb comb comb and comb some more.

No chemicals the little buggers are getting resistant.

RumbleMum · 30/12/2016 19:19

Blimey. Nits are undesirable but - missing overseas family you can't otherwise see some other time? They are BVU.

We're about to take our two DC to the in-laws where someone has a possible stomach bug. I wouldn't expect everyone to risk that but SIL lives overseas and the kids hardly get to see her. Risking nits wouldn't warrant a second thought for me.

Duck90 · 30/12/2016 19:23

I have never had nits. If I was visiting on my own I would go and maintain a safe distance (translated as standing in the kitchen with others having a glass of wine). But with children I would have to give it more thought. Kids play together, increasing the likelihood of nits transferring.

Hellochicken · 30/12/2016 19:29

Cloudhopping
If their 2 children have severe scalp psoriasis that is a detail the OP has missed. Assuming healthy scalps, yes it is a faff to treat
My DD had them, and gave them to DS and me and repeatedly got reinfested in afterschool club but its not even a given that they would get nits. I'd risk it to visit my neices and nephews.

Sychnant · 30/12/2016 19:39

My son is almost 14. He had nits once. We treated with Delacet (www.healthpol.co.uk) and that was it. It is completely natural, kills lice AND nits, and worked in one go. No treating again after a week.

Not sure why it isn't better known, but if he'd caught them again it wouldn't have worried me, they were so easy to get rid of.

user1471545174 · 30/12/2016 19:53

I'm another of the original fifties posters who never had them. As a PP said, it might have been something to do with separate, front-facing desks. We also didn't have heads-together selfies and as a breed we were nowhere near as huggy, whether with parents or playmates.

We had tide-marked necks and probably smelt of wee, but nits (now known as lice, urrgh) were very rare.

Toomanywheeliebinsagain · 30/12/2016 19:54

This is incredible. We have nits about four times a year, worms twice a year. I have one at primary one at nursery. It's impossible to avoid. Feel sorry for you OP

EddieStobbart · 30/12/2016 20:05

I never had them and was pretty freaked out by the concept before the kids first caught them as I had no idea what to expect. Really don't care now, just treat and comb and keep a look out. Have had periods where they have been harder to eradicate but frequent combing has seen them off. Used to it now - is way less trouble than when the cat infested the house with fleas, yuck!!

EddieStobbart · 30/12/2016 20:08

Btw, I have scalp psoriasis and nit treatment has never caused me a problem (I treat myself when I spot nits on the kids). I don't doubt it could but it isn't a guaranteed problem.

Pandaponda · 30/12/2016 20:12

I come from a big family where nits were a fairly frequent thing and no big deal. These days we are an even bigger family - we'd never let a few nits come between us. Think this is rotten behaviour OP. You deserve better. Hope you have a great NY in any case.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 30/12/2016 20:45

Yanbu

As pp have stated, if it were a neighbour I could pop and see another time I might think about cancelling but for a sibling living a long haul flight away I most certainly would not cancel.

iogo · 30/12/2016 20:59

I am not from the UK and tbh am horrified by nits. The prevalence of nits in this country is so much higher than other countries as the attitude is so much more relaxed.

That's not true for me! I'm in Canada and my DD caught nits after a month here (so around October) and I'm now treating her fir the 6TH time. All because they never talk about it. It seems to be such a social taboo that when I told the school, the secretary called me back about the 'problem' but never once mentioned the words lice or nits.

It fucks me off because someone is not treating their kids hair and I'm doing it almost nightly.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 30/12/2016 21:07

I think having travelled half way across the world to see family, I wouldn't cancel for nits. I might ask you to tie your kids hair up (plus would tie our kids hair up) and discourage close head to head contact, but would risk it. I might also ask about UK nit combs and treatment so I could stock up and comb through regularly to catch early while I was here.

I don't think nits will be a problem on a flight if you treat them. Unless they think they will be stopped at border security due to a biohazard risk Grin

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 30/12/2016 21:13

I would've wanted to know too but would've tied DD's hair back and warned them not to hug.

Don't think it's been mentioned on here but The Lice Program is a brilliant way of getting rid of the buggers www.microscopy-uk.org.uk/theliceprogram/ (can't remember how to do links on here). Please don't waste your money on chemical treatments: a nitty gritty comb and lashings of cheap conditioner are much more effective.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/12/2016 21:14

pixel

You can get things like flat buckets, he lays on his bed with his head on it you wash his hair with a jug and water runs into a normal bucket, cant remember what it's called but they use them in hospitals for people who can't have baths and often work a treat for teenagers with ASD

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/12/2016 21:15

And anybody who us interested nitty gritty Combes Are available on perscription

Gymnopedies · 30/12/2016 21:22

steff13 "bum worms" are pinworms, they do exist in the US too. They are the reason why it's best to keep cats out of kids sand boxes. They are transmitted by swallowing the eggs (hand to mouth contamination).

Chillywhippet · 30/12/2016 21:33

OP sorry your family are being so daft. It's part of being a family, sharing bugs

DD 14 has just said her head is itchy. She got home from a school ski trip 8 days ago. I just combed a youth headlice and half a dozen baby ones and a few eggs out of her hair.

Combing every 2-3 days with conditioner for 2 weeks will sort it. Expert by now.

She spent most of the week with a ski helmet on! Sigh.

Headlice are a shock at first but become part of the parenting territory along with threadworms, warts, verrucas and molluscum. Wink

DailyFail1 · 30/12/2016 21:40

I wouldn't have gone either. I have thick curly bum length hair and when I had nits at 9 it took a month to catch them call because nit combs broke in my hair and the chemicals by themselves weren't enough. Dsd has a v sensitive scalp and wouldn't be able to use chemicals so nits would take even longer to remove.

Nits are serious and in my opinion as valid a reason to avoid people as chicken pox etc.

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