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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family no longer coming to stay (head lice-related)

302 replies

boobashka · 30/12/2016 13:03

My brother and his family are in the UK for the holidays staying with my parents (2hours away). Since October the plan has been that they will come to ours for 3 days over New Year. So I have filled the fridge, booked a meal out, and in the last couple of days cleaned house from top to bottom and organised beds and bedding for everyone - 11 people including my other DB. I discovered head lice in myself and DD yesterday - promptly treated with Full Marks and thorough combing with the fine tooth nit comb. Now my brother and his wife no longer want to come here to stay in case their two DC (age 4 and 2) contract nits.
AIBU to be think that their decision is super selfish? My mum has been on the phone in tears (first time all her grandchildren were to be together) and my two DC are upset to not be spending time with their little cousins.

OP posts:
bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 31/12/2016 17:57

Oh and never had nits, nobody in mine or DHs family have (yet! Two kids aged 5 and 1) and would never, ever cancel for nits
Crikey! We had a friend who brought her DS to a play date 24 hours after treatment started for impetigo! We checked everyone was fine and we all were. TBH we have all given up trying to shield kids from bugs and germs. If we did that, play dates wouldn't happen. The only exception is D&V.

dowhatnow · 31/12/2016 18:09

Bless you op. Look on the bright side. At least you have a nice clean house.

steppemum · 31/12/2016 18:09

the main reason there are more around now than before is that schools are not allowed to tell the parents directly if their child has nits.

So, dd1, one girl in her class had nits, dd1 was reinfected every single week. Every parent and teacher knew who the culprit was. But mum was quite disfunctional and the generic 'there are nits in your class' letters just went over her head.
It was a small village school, and in the end the PTA went to the head. Please let us fund free Hedrin and a comb to every family. Please let us fund a nit nurse to come in, please let us volunteer to nit comb every child PLEASE. ANYTHING. The head obviously couldn't allow any of that. I don't know what she did, but she is not allowed to approach mum and say your child has nits. On Monday the girl came in with clean hair.

Fast forward to last year dd2. One of her friends is in the parallel class. Talking to her mum, a similar situation had developed in the class. Parents starting to tell their kids Don't play with X. Because they are at the end of their tether trying to get rid of re-infection after re-infection. All coming from one child, again, mum just ignores generic letters, and is not really coping anyway. Poor kid. School not allowed to address it specifically with mum.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 18:10

If you use Hedrin properly, it can't not work.

Lilaclily · 31/12/2016 18:11

Steppemum- that's so sad , why can't the teacher take a parent aside and tell them ?

Pixel · 31/12/2016 18:21

*the main reason there are more around now than before is that schools are not allowed to tell the parents directly if their child has nits.

I agree that's a major drawback in the fight against nits. You all get a letter saying 'a child in class X has headlice' but what if the actual parent they are aiming at doesn't see the note or finds it crumpled in a coat pocket weeks later? You would hope they would notice for themselves that their child had a problem but clearly plenty don't. And for those that do realise but are just too lazy to do anything about it, then knowing that the teacher knew it was them, iyswim, could be just the spur they need to get off their behinds and sort it!

steppemum · 31/12/2016 18:25

I am not sure Lilac. I suspect it is to do with not picking on a child, that nits aren't anything to do with education, that some teachers could use this to be a bit nasty etc.
But they are not allowed to say it to one child or their parent.

and Betrand, I have used Hecrin Once, left it on for even longer than recommended, and still it hasn't got them all. Sad

And I agree with pp, if yo condition and comb, you think you have them all. Then use Hedrina nd be shocked at how many you missed!

steppemum · 31/12/2016 18:29

Pixel, please don't suggest it is just laziness.
The parents I am thinking of in these 2 cases are really struggling. Nits is really not high on their agenda. The one in dd1's class had a severly autistic older brother who was violent and mum was struggling with him and his behaviour towards her and younger siblings. The little girl once said to me she kept her favourote pictures hidden in her school bag because otherwise brother ripped them up.
The mother in dd2 year has addiction problems, and kid was taken into care a few weeks later Sad

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 18:31

Interesting fact- a significant number of people don't itch when they have nits.

steppemum · 31/12/2016 18:34

Isn't the itching a reaction against the pooh? So if you don't react, you don't itch?

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 18:37

Yep- well,it's a reaction to something. So if you don't react you may not know you've got them.

DixieNormas · 31/12/2016 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steppemum · 31/12/2016 18:52

I have seen others on here say that too Dixie.
I am really surprised that a school sends a child home for nits, and even more so that they tell you directly. I now that at the schools we have been associated with they aren't allowed too. I am not sure why.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 18:56

If you're the sort of person/in the circumstances that you can't respond to a generic letter, then why would/could you respond to a personal approach....?

smilingmind · 31/12/2016 19:04

I wondered why my mixed race ds never got nits until I learned that nits, or at least the ones in UK and USA are designed to fit around the round hair shafts of Caucasian people.
Black people have oval hair shafts.

Notmuchtosay1 · 31/12/2016 19:06

I agree with others, maybe stay away if you can visit anytime. But to be seeing relatives you've not seen for a while because you live a long haul flight away and cancel is a bit silly.
My middle son caught lice around age 8. I treated him, then his older brother I treated and only found one on him. The youngest didn't have any and being under 1 I didn't treat him. I have very long hair and didn't treat myself either. I didn't get them (OH has very short hair so didn't treat him either) the rest of us never caught them, that was 5 years ago. So if we can not catch them when living in the same house it can be done if people are careful. I've never had them in my life, neither has my OH or my 7 year old. We will probably get them now 😂
I feel for you OP. Hope you are having a good New Year's Eve considering.

Notmuchtosay1 · 31/12/2016 19:09

Also we had an African girl at school. Her mum is white and really struggled with nits in her daughters hair. She didn't know how to plait Afro hair to prevent the nits returning. Then she discovered hair straighteners. She burnt them every day. It worked apparently.

smellyboot · 31/12/2016 19:10

Interesting - our hairdresser in a mixed area commented recently that she had never know a DC with afro hair get Nits - maybe thats why. A mixed race friend of DC did recently but that was the only time that any of the 4 siblings had it despite others in school getting it often etc.
I also had my DDs friend the other week for a whole morning and never saw her itch once. He mum later that day said she suddenly noticed her DD was riddled with them and neither of us had noticed....so itching doesnt always happen

TheKitchenWitch · 31/12/2016 20:16

I certainly would want to know if someone I was supposed to visit had anything infectious including nits and I would probably cancel.
I wonder, as I always do on these threads, would youvall be quite so blasé about it if we were talking about genital lice rather than head lice? 😏
Lice are disgusting and I've never understood the UK's attitude towards having them.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 20:27

"I wonder, as I always do on these threads, would youvall be quite so blasé about it if we were talking about genital lice rather than head lice? 😏" Well, I wouldn't be particularly blasé if my child caught pubic lice at Primary School!

DixieNormas · 31/12/2016 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
boobashka · 31/12/2016 20:56

Eustace - thanks for your v empathic post. We have spent the afternoon with my DM, DF and other bro and had an honest chat at the end of our time together. Mum was very understanding and we had a good cry together. She'll pass on my feelings to my brother and his wife. Probably a lot to do with differing communication styles etc etc. So I'm feeling a lot better about the whole situation. Plus pigged out on some of the mountains of food we have!! Happy New Year everyone and thanks so much for the insights you have all offered Wine Smile

OP posts:
serialtester · 31/12/2016 21:28

Firstly, sorry OP your relatives are dicks. But please do enjoy your lovely clean house and nice food!!

Secondly, to some people on this thread - we're talking about nits, not ebola. Get a fucking grip

Before I go on DISCLAIMER I have afro hair as do 2 of my kids.

Finally - treatments will not get rid of nits. They will kill live lice running around but not the eggs. You need to nit comb with conditioner every 3 days. As eggs hatch live lice will be combed out before they can reproduce and lay more eggs. It's all about breaking the life cycle. It's a bit of a ball ache but not worthy of avoiding family visits.

Eyedrophell · 31/12/2016 21:59

Wow, just wow. If they are both doctors do the kids go to nursery? Do they keep them off for a week everyone a child gets headline?

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 22:00

I've. Ever met the hysteria about lice in real life that you find on 'mumsnet". They are a pain in the neck. But sadly they are a part of
school life, They aren't dangerous in any way, or shameful or anything. Just lice.