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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family no longer coming to stay (head lice-related)

302 replies

boobashka · 30/12/2016 13:03

My brother and his family are in the UK for the holidays staying with my parents (2hours away). Since October the plan has been that they will come to ours for 3 days over New Year. So I have filled the fridge, booked a meal out, and in the last couple of days cleaned house from top to bottom and organised beds and bedding for everyone - 11 people including my other DB. I discovered head lice in myself and DD yesterday - promptly treated with Full Marks and thorough combing with the fine tooth nit comb. Now my brother and his wife no longer want to come here to stay in case their two DC (age 4 and 2) contract nits.
AIBU to be think that their decision is super selfish? My mum has been on the phone in tears (first time all her grandchildren were to be together) and my two DC are upset to not be spending time with their little cousins.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 31/12/2016 09:02

"not a big thing these days. In the 80s you were kept off school"

Here in France, kids with lice or nits are still kept off school. Possibly why it's far less prevalent here than in the UK

InfiniteCurve · 31/12/2016 09:02

If you've nit combed you will have combed out the live adult lice capable of wandering off to another head for a bit of a change - so no longer infectious ( till the next lot have reached maturity,hence the repeated combings...)
So how does DB think his DC will catch the lice?

Alwayscheerful · 31/12/2016 09:08

Nits can be extremely difficult and expensive to get rid of of.

You will be able to smile when your brothers children start nursery/school and continually get nits because other parents fail to treat or check for nits properly.

Enjoy your clean and tidy house I think they have done you a favour. In fact ready all the threads about exhausted mums and visitors over Christmas I suspect you have just found the solution.

CoteDAzur · 31/12/2016 09:10

"If you've nit combed you will have combed out the live adult lice capable of wandering off to another head for a bit of a change - so no longer infectious ( till the next lot have reached maturity,hence the repeated combings...)
So how does DB think his DC will catch the lice?"

Are you serious? At any moment, possibly even minutes after your combing, new baby lice can hatch. And others can catch those.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 09:14

"Nits are serious and in my opinion as valid a reason to avoid people as chicken pox etc."

That is just a ridiculous thing to say!

Chillywhippet · 31/12/2016 09:44

Looking forward to seeing threads in the spring about people home educating their primary school children for the summer term because they have to avoid headlice Hmm

Shall I tell the family that we are seeing this evening that I treated DD yesterday? Shall I ring the parents of the friends she is having round? Of course not. She's been treated. She has no lice in her hair that can move to someone else head or breed. I'll treat her again tomorrow and each time there will be a couple of tiny baby lice and in 2 weeks nothing.

I'm not the problem. It's the people who don't check regularly (we had Sunday evening check every week when they were small) and let their kids' infestations go untreated and send their kids to school.

InfiniteCurve · 31/12/2016 10:05

CoteDAzur, the info from the Bug Buster programme which was the info I got when my children were at headlice age was that only mature adult lice move around from head to head.If you are wet combing you comb out the bigger lice - the ones that remain,and any that hatch,stay put on their host.You comb ,is it every 3 days? - and each time you comb out the bigger lice.So you are combing out the ones that might travel,and getting rid of them before they breed ...
Will look for actual reference - but it wasn't just random info I made up!

SILfoundmyusername · 31/12/2016 10:17

Am shocked at the amount of people saying they wouldn't tell. If I went to a friends house and hugged their children/played with them etc when they had bits, which can take several treatments to get them all, I would be pissed if it took me weeks to work out my head scratching when they could just tell me.

A friend didn't know and til me afterwards so we treated all our hair with not comb and conditioner.

I'm guessing they are worried about bedding etc.

But it does sound like your relationship isn't great to start with, so it's something that's been seen as a way out certainly.

CoteDAzur · 31/12/2016 10:24

"only mature adult lice move around from head to head."

Not true. Lice often don't trek from one head to another but transfer during rubbing (as in, heads together while watching the same iPad) or using the same pillow/cushion/car headrest (as will no doubt happen when kids stay at their cousins).

Lice don't actually want to move. They would rather stay stuck to the scalp they are comfy on. Adult or young, they move because they fall off on pillows or rub against other heads.

InfiniteCurve · 31/12/2016 10:59

Cote, http://www.chc.org/homedir/mistakenadvice.cfm is the link for the site now.
And yes,it doesn't say no risk of catching lice if they aren't mature but it does say lice transfer from head to head when full grown and normally immature lice stay on the head where they are hatched.
But I am not a lice expert ( we did find the whole process quite interesting in this house though - nature going about its business right in front of us....yes,I know - weird Blush)
So personally,I wouldn't worry about my child being in contact with one who was being treated by wet combing which is what I hear for "nit combed" because I don't think there is much risk of them catching anything.
And same if they had been treated chemically and then combed.I think the problem is doing anything once and assuming that will have sorted it!
Ok,off to relate to family now!

OatcakeCravings · 31/12/2016 11:02

I've never had nits and neither have my siblings and I'm in my 40's. My DS hasn't had them yet but my nieces and nephews have. I honestly believe they are more prevelant these days I'm guessing because they are resistant to all the chemicals that used to be used to treat them back in the day!

CoteDAzur · 31/12/2016 11:28

Infinite - Feel free to post as many links as you like. I know children who caught baby lice from others who were treated (within the two week period). Lice don't know whose head they are on, and can't help passing from one head to another when heads are being rubbed while tumbling around together, cuddling in the same bed, using each other's brushes, etc all of which is likely to happen when staying in a relative's house.

Mermaidinthesea · 31/12/2016 11:47

i have long, curly and bleached hair. It's a bloody nightmare getting nits out of it, combing or anything. It rips half my hair out and splits all the ends. It is a big deal. I dread to think how awful it must be for affro hair.
If someone didn't warn me that their kid had nits I would not go and see them anymore. I'd see that as irresponsible and unfriendly.
When I lived in the tropics where I was brought up in the 60's the treatment for lice was to liberally douse our heads in petrol. That just killed them alright but was highly dangerous and stank to boot. Ruined my hair too.

Footinmouthasusual · 31/12/2016 11:53

Nits as dangerous as chicken pox Grin

Thinking you dodged a bullet op. They sound clearly daft and the fact they are doctors is quite frightening to be honest.

m0therofdragons · 31/12/2016 11:55

People who have real issues, do you have a nitty gritty?

I have 3 dds with long hair and they've had nits 3 times in almost 9 years. Only once all at the same time. Dd3 had it once without the other two getting them and the second time it was just the younger two (twins who often share a bed). I just use conditioner and nitty gritty their hair like mad and they're gone. I re do this a couple of times a week after infestation then every other Sunday I check dc (although have a quick look every time I do their hair). Dd1s df constantly got nits from her nursery (all clear once at school so presumably it was an untreated dc) and dd never caught them from her. To me its bonkers to cancel plans for that.

Katedotness1963 · 31/12/2016 12:03

I'm 53, never had nits, eldest son never had them, youngest did once. I was horrified when he got them, and completely clueless as how to treat them.

EustaceClarenceScrubb · 31/12/2016 12:04

What ever your individual stance on going to a 'nit' household, surely most would agree that the way the OP has been treated, no apology from her DB/SIL or understanding for her situation, is vv rude. She is NBU to be very hurt. Have you told your family how you feel OP? I would in your shoes. they seem to have no qualms about upsetting you. What did you say to your mother when she was crying on the phone?

JustSpeakSense · 31/12/2016 12:15

I'd send them a new years message today like this: 'happy new year from boobashka & family (just to let you know the kids are completely nit free, after a few days of careful and intensive treatment) we are very sad you cancelled your visit as we were all really looking forward to hosting you. We are however enjoying a lovely and relaxing family new year at home this year, making some special memories and feasting on all the food and delicacies we had ready for your arrival. Wishing you all a lovely new year and a prosperous (and nit free) 2017! Xx'

KayTee87 · 31/12/2016 12:52

I've never had nits either and neither has my db. Not sure id want to be deliberately around people with nits but as they had been treated and it was a special occasion I think I'd make an exception.

PrimalLass · 31/12/2016 14:23

I can't believe how many people still buy products either!

I said it upthread and I'll say it again. I am convinced that the 'you only need conditioner and a comb' message is making nit epidemics far worse. They are tiny, easy to miss and then the whole cycle starts again. I spent ages this week combing DD with a nitty gritty and half a bottle of nit repellent conditioner. Two days later I used Hedrin once. She was still riddled after the conditioner, so it clearly didn't work that well. Today we used conditioner again. Still tiny black flecks, but at least they are dead.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 31/12/2016 14:55

YABU.

i would not enter the house of people that recently had head lice.
and the reason is that, i, like some other poor unfortunates out there, will catch anything and everything bad going, most particularly fungal, parasitic and skin infections.

i couldn't win an argument or a raffle with only my ticket in the barrel

  • but skin infections, bug bites, lice will be all over me like a dog chewing an old slipper.

some of us are just very prone to infections and infestations.
i hate it, but i'm just one of those people that gets everything going.

i thought my niece had head lice last week because she said her head was itchy.
i could have died when she said it.
i really just don't need head lice right now.

i too would be steering clear of your house for a good while.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 15:01

I presume your children, if you have any, don't go to school?

5madthings · 31/12/2016 17:23

Wow talk about an over reaction yes nits are a pita but the op has treated them, the new treatments aren't 'yucky chenicals' like they used to be but are silicone based and literally suffocated and kill the bugs and eggs. But hest to retreat after seven days and I always just comb comb comb, I do a nit check once or twice a week generally with my primary school age kids so if they get them we catch before infestation....

They could have gone and tied hair back, use a repellant spray if they wanted something like neem seed extract works well, it stinks but nits don't like it.

And re the kids you could have enforced rules if you were really worried ie no bed sharing etc. Nhs advice isn't to wash bedding etc at 60 degrees...

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/12/2016 17:39

JustSpeakSense

Really like the message Smile

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 31/12/2016 17:53

Send them a new year present/going away present of some hedrin, not comb, tea tree oil, keep out sign and some danger tape stuff that goes round crime scene
Then I would not contact ANY of them and let them contact you, never make plans again, let them do it and when someone says they have a cold/sniffles decline the request because 'colds and sniffles are so contagious you don't want your kids getting it'.