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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family no longer coming to stay (head lice-related)

302 replies

boobashka · 30/12/2016 13:03

My brother and his family are in the UK for the holidays staying with my parents (2hours away). Since October the plan has been that they will come to ours for 3 days over New Year. So I have filled the fridge, booked a meal out, and in the last couple of days cleaned house from top to bottom and organised beds and bedding for everyone - 11 people including my other DB. I discovered head lice in myself and DD yesterday - promptly treated with Full Marks and thorough combing with the fine tooth nit comb. Now my brother and his wife no longer want to come here to stay in case their two DC (age 4 and 2) contract nits.
AIBU to be think that their decision is super selfish? My mum has been on the phone in tears (first time all her grandchildren were to be together) and my two DC are upset to not be spending time with their little cousins.

OP posts:
EustaceClarenceScrubb · 31/12/2016 23:30

Glad you got things sorted with your mum, hope you have a good NY!

100milesanhour · 31/12/2016 23:50

I've never had nits and my son has never had nits.

My cousin had them for weeks. She couldn't get rid of them.

That still wouldn't put me off coming along, especially as everyone has been treated! I'm very surprised at the reaction, especially as they're both Drs.

rainbowstardrops · 01/01/2017 08:47

I'm glad you were able to have a decent chat with your mum about it all OP.
I'm still gobsmacked that your DB and SIL have travelled half way around the world and they refuse to see you because of nits!!!!
It beggars belief

pollymere · 01/01/2017 10:43

They could get head lice on a train or bus! My dd hugged several family members when completely infested and none got lice. You poor thing.

Beeziekn33ze · 01/01/2017 12:19

It's not hugs that let them go to other people, and they don't jump. The headlouse needs sustained hair to hair contact to move on to a new head. School's which used to have rules about hair, short or tied back, now have flowing locks in every classroom. Long hair in both children and adults, if unrestrained and not checked at least twice weekly, will have enabled the current advance of the louse!

Footinmouthasusual · 01/01/2017 12:28

I can't understand people having nits for weeks. They can't be treating them properly.

You use the chemical of choice and treat all the family just in case and then you comb them out.

It's very easy. If you try and avoid the chemicals and just use conditioner it won't work.

Glad you ok with your mum op your brother and sister in law are bat shit crazy.

BertrandRussell · 01/01/2017 12:30

They are more prevalent now because of, among other things, the heads together over the table rather than sitting in rows teaching style. One of the reasons they are less
Common in secondary schools.

BertrandRussell · 01/01/2017 12:31

"You use the chemical of choice and treat all the family just in case and then you comb them out."
They become immune to pesticides. Hedrin is the answer. And I'm not on commission!

MerryMarigold · 01/01/2017 12:36

What's Hedrin made of?

BertrandRussell · 01/01/2017 13:03

It's a silicone gel that smothers the lice and suffocates them. It is, obviously, a chemical-everything is. But it is not a pesticide and is not dangerous to people, because they don't have spirocates-or whatever lice's breathing holes are called.

Mrscog · 01/01/2017 13:04

footinmouth I assure you conditioner does work really well - you have to do it several days running, but as a budget option for people who can't afford bottles and bottles of hedrin it really is effective.

BertrandRussell · 01/01/2017 13:23

Hedrin works for the same reason that mayonnaise sort of does. Only better, and less messily.

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 01/01/2017 14:04

I think Hedrin smothers the spiracles, and there seem to be a few oily treatments out there which do the same thing (I have a shelf-full!). I've heard olive oil can work too but haven't tried it. I don't recommend the 'Once' type treatments, there are no short cuts sadly.

I'm also 50 and never had the buggers until my dcs started school 5 years ago. Quite a steep learning curve!

cardibach · 01/01/2017 14:55

I just want challenge those who wouldn't go and include in the reasons 'washing all bedding and towels' as part of the treatment. This isn't necessary. Look at patient info which says They soon die when away from hair, and do not live in clothes, bedding, etc

TheKitchenWitch · 01/01/2017 15:57

My point was that everyone seems to be very nonchalant about it because you know, it's only the kids getting them and they won't kill you Hmm
They are still an infestation of insects on your body and to me that's disgusting. One of my dogs had fleas once, I treated it immediately and if I knew someone's dog had fleas yes I would avoid contact with my dog.
Same thing surely?
It is disgusting. And, believe it or not, totally controllable.
I live in Germany. My 9yo da has never had nits. Since he started kindergarten at 3, there have been 4 cases of nits in his class. Each time we had a letter with guide how to check. The teacher also checked the children. The kid with nits stayed off until they had a doctors note to say they were nit free.
Nits are really, really rare here. As they bloody should be.

luckylavender · 01/01/2017 16:11

To the poster who said that she'd never seen the hysteria in real life that exists on MN because of nits, I have. I live in the SE now & the attitude when DS (20) was growing up was a little more blasé than In South Wales where I come from. When DS first got them at aged around 5, he was in South Wales and my mother had taken him for a haircut. Not only did the hairdresser refuse to cut his hair, she asked him, loudly, to leave the salon asap. My mother was horrified. I hadn't realised he had them because I'd never been in contact with them. One of my friends had family from abroad visiting and the children were infested when they turned up. She burned all the bedding and towels they'd used.

CoteDAzur · 01/01/2017 16:15

"'washing all bedding and towels' as part of the treatment. This isn't necessary. Look at patient info which says They soon die when away from hair, and do not live in clothes, bedding, etc"

Yeah, "soon" is 24 hours. My kids get up at 07:30 and go back to bed at 20:30. That is only 13 hours. How long do your kids stay awake in one day? No more than 15 hours, I imagine. That means you MUST wash all bedding at 60 C, every day during treatment if possible.

CoteDAzur · 01/01/2017 16:17

"Not only did the hairdresser refuse to cut his hair, she asked him, loudly, to leave the salon asap"

Well, what did you expect? Should the hairdresser have waited to get lice on their brushes, towels, etc?

Oh it would be wonderful for their business if someone caught lice in their shop.

Whisky2014 · 01/01/2017 16:33

Tbh i wouldnt go if i knew there were nits.
No, i dont have kids but im not ignorant, i just don't like little bug things. Make me feel sick. Like weevils in the flour ...blech!!

Whisky2014 · 01/01/2017 16:39

I just gave the scenrio to my partner and said he probably wouldnt go..he doesnt want nits. I agree. So in this case i would be cancelling and i wouldnt like to be the subject of a forum thread because i dont want creepy crawlies on my head!

luckylavender · 01/01/2017 17:52

CoteDAzur - I was making the point that some people do take it seriously, although there are subtle ways of communicating things I think. And my mother found another hairdresser who did cut his hair and treated all her stuff, as we were clueless as to what to do and needed advice.

Ciutadella · 01/01/2017 19:01

"Mum was very understanding and we had a good cry together. She'll pass on my feelings to my brother and his wife."

Would it be worth you contacting them yourself and explaining? Ime these things often come better from the horse's mouth than from a relative acting as intermediary. And it also avoids the 'shoot the messenger' syndrome. (But I realise your family dynamics may be different.) Iirc they may not actually yet know how upset you were?

The other thing I didn't really understand was why the others also pulled out of visiting you - was it that they wanted to stay with your db as he had travelled so far?

Finally, I am on the fence about the lice - I wouldn't have pulled out altogether because I'd expect dc to get them anyway from someone else eg at school, so it wouldn't be worth cancelling someone I wanted to see. But tying up hair and telling them not to have head to head contact I doubt would be very effective - dc will be dc!
One thing occurred to me is that dsil might think she might be pregnant, so wouldn't want the chemical shampoo around her (though imv the comb and conditioner instead does work - eventually!)

And, I also don't remember anyone having them in the 60s though we did have the nurse - nobody was ever identified! I suspect the central heating explanation may be correct.

Anyway, sorry you had such a disappointment over Christmas, and hope you can resolve it all amicably.

MerryMarigold · 01/01/2017 19:59

Thanks Bertrand re. Hedrin info. Not sure how we've managed to avoid so far, but maybe it's in my future. The thought of oily stuff all over my hair isn't nice!

WillWorkForShoes · 01/01/2017 20:08

I've never had nits (I'm 40) and my kiddies (7 and 5) haven't had nits yet despite there being a few outbreaks at school. It makes me 'eek' to be honest and I would probably avoid going round to a friend I could see any time if they were mid treatment, but family I hadn't seen for years? I think I would thank you for telling me, have everyone in tight braids and hats, suck up the inevitable laughter of everyone else and have a good time, and maybe invest in some tea tree spray.

kittybiscuits · 01/01/2017 20:14

You just can't say that you can't get rid of nits. It's a question of time, care and persistence - nothing more. I'm always surprised when I read it on here. It just means you're not doing what's necessary to get rid. Nit comb, conditioner, time. I don't think I would have cancelled the visit in these circumstances but I wasn't best pleased when ex SIL brought 3 infested children to stay.