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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family no longer coming to stay (head lice-related)

302 replies

boobashka · 30/12/2016 13:03

My brother and his family are in the UK for the holidays staying with my parents (2hours away). Since October the plan has been that they will come to ours for 3 days over New Year. So I have filled the fridge, booked a meal out, and in the last couple of days cleaned house from top to bottom and organised beds and bedding for everyone - 11 people including my other DB. I discovered head lice in myself and DD yesterday - promptly treated with Full Marks and thorough combing with the fine tooth nit comb. Now my brother and his wife no longer want to come here to stay in case their two DC (age 4 and 2) contract nits.
AIBU to be think that their decision is super selfish? My mum has been on the phone in tears (first time all her grandchildren were to be together) and my two DC are upset to not be spending time with their little cousins.

OP posts:
GreenTureen · 30/12/2016 13:45

DH thought we should let them know as it was the 'right' thing to do

This wouldn't even have occurred to me. Things I would warn people about would be a stomach bug, chickenpox, a really heavy cold or flu in the house and other infectious 'disease' like things like hand foot and mouth or worms. I wouldn't even register treated nits as a 'thing' to have to tell people tbh!

ovenchips · 30/12/2016 13:45

Sorry OP I hadn't realised this means the whole visit from whole family is off! Now I feel your pain about all that prepping and planning.

Does it have to be? I'd be v happy to leave my relative and their inexplicable nit reaction and still come over to you for New Year. Can't they do that? Such a shame for this plan to fall through because of 2 people's (your brother and wife's) decision.

Footinmouthasusual · 30/12/2016 13:45

God we have all had them and although not nice there's something utterly satisfying combing out dead bits from dcs hair. Grin

Op I do feel so sorry for you they sound utter shit bags.

I would tell them straight that clearly that you realise it's an excuse not to visit as they couldn't possibly think this was a sensible course of action and you have spent money on food and drink which is now all wasted and that you are very hurt and angry and won't offer again.

Mermaidinthesea · 30/12/2016 13:48

I have to say that I am thoroughly sick of catching lice off my friends kids and have now stopped visiting them.
6 times last year....6!
The last time I only found out when some head lice dropped out of my hair onto a patient I was treating and that patient had hysterics.
They let their kids hug me knowing they had lice and they always seem to have lice.
It's cost me a fortune on treatment and I'm fed up with it.
I wouldn't come and stay either - sorry. When my son was at home we never had lice, I treated and combed my son's hair every single night and checked it in the morning.
He was fine with it, I told him I needed to do it everyday becasue not everyone is as thorough with their childrens hair and I didn't want him to go around with lice.

Lovelybangers · 30/12/2016 13:49

Well at least your house is nice and clean, and you have plenty of nice food in.

Leave them to it- they may realise that they are being overly protective and change their minds.

Just to add a PP mentioned upthread about never having nits in school. It was the same here - primary school 1972-79 and we had Nit Nurse Nora the Bug Explorer who foraged our hair on a regular basis. If any nits were discovered you had a slip left on your desk to take home. Pupils with nits were kept off school until all cleared up.

iogo · 30/12/2016 13:49

I would tell them straight that clearly that you realise it's an excuse not to visit as they couldn't possibly think this was a sensible course of action and you have spent money on food and drink which is now all wasted and that you are very hurt and angry and won't offer again.*

This. I wouldn't have bothered telling them but I'd be so hurry in your shoes, I'd have to say something.

EustaceClarenceScrubb · 30/12/2016 13:51

Why are your parents/other Bro not coming now? Surely they can leave your DB/SIL & family in their home and come to see you? Honestly, the whole family are treating you like lepers and your DM is crying down the phone at you?

I would tell her how hurt you are with your DBro using it as an excuse not to come and then the others cancelling as well. That is v v rude of them all!

Miserylovescompany2 · 30/12/2016 13:53

Were they looking for an excuse anyway? So when nits were mentioned they jumped on it!?!

Seems like an OTT reaction otherwise? Especially from a doctors?

TwoGunslingers · 30/12/2016 13:54

I'd be a little squeamish too sorry Blush

Blue2014 · 30/12/2016 13:54

I'm with mermaid - last time I caught nits it took 6 Weeks to finally be free of them. It's not always that easy to treat them. I had friends cancel my visits to them at that time too. Nits really suck.

snapcrap · 30/12/2016 13:54

We've had nits loads of times in our house, yes it's a nightmare, but if my friends and I had kept away from all our kids when they had lice, we'd never had seen anyone! You just say to each other 'X has got nits so tie their hair up and we''ll make sure X doesn't put head close/comb them, put hair up'

rainbowstardrops · 30/12/2016 13:56

I'm surprised your mum and other brother didn't tell them to stop being so bloody ridiculous and they still go.
It's nits not a stomach bug or the plague Confused

SquedgieBeckenheim · 30/12/2016 13:57

Have they confused nits with scabies or something?
I had head lice a lot as a child - never got in the way of family gatherings. Was miserable though. Never affected my brother or cousins, I just seemed to attract them! I also did a flight from Australia to UK with the blighters!

Jux · 30/12/2016 13:57

Never had nits at our prep school either (though no nit nurse) from 62-69, or, indeed in my secondary. One girl had her head shaved and the rumour was that she had nits, but that was the extent ofy contact until dd went to school in '04.

It's an excuse not to come. Text your db saying that's what it looks like and you'd like him to be honest with you.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/12/2016 13:59

When I was at school if you had nits your were kept at home for a few days and then checked at school on your return.

Nits are a pain in the arse and I wouldn't visit people with my kids if I knew they had them

Footle · 30/12/2016 14:03

Who are these weird posters in their 50s who never got nits ? Have they got amnesia ? I'm a decade older and all my children caught nits occasionally. Sometimes I got them too.
I'm another one who thinks your brother was looking for an excuse. I also , as a grandmother whose grandchildren almost never meet, think he's a bit of an excuse for a brother / son.

CoraPirbright · 30/12/2016 14:04

They are being quite precious (especially for GPs Shock) but we always catch them from the same family members when they visit and its a total ball-ache so I do have some sympathy.

Masketti · 30/12/2016 14:04

Sometimes families are arseholes. I had severe pregnancy sickness, off work, on anti sickness medication, second pregnancy so know I'm experiencing pregnancy issues not D&V. My 'D'B refused to let his family stay overnight including making his wife drive so no one 'caught my bug'. I didn't know pregnancy was contagious Hmm Ruined the family reunion for my mum.

They are BU and I suspect there's more to it I'm afraid. Nits are annoying but if you're treating it properly and they're vigilant it's not worth ruining a get together for.

CoteDAzur · 30/12/2016 14:05

They are NBU. Sorry OP. Head lice isn't treated just once but multiple times over a two-week period. You will find out why in a couple of days.

DC has lice for the 1st time this year and passed it to me. It was a fucking horror show for weeks, washing clothes, sheets towels etc every day, treating everyone, passing fine comb through especially DD's thick curls as she screamed.

I will do anything except murder to avoid that fate again, if I possibly can. Offending some family members isn't a huge price to pay, at all.

SoupDragon · 30/12/2016 14:06

Of course you were right to tell them. I can see the opposite MN thread right now. Complete with indignant and aghast replies "DSis didn't tell me her kids had nits and now we all have them! Long haul flight tomorrow..."

SoupDragon · 30/12/2016 14:08

But nits are not an infection! You can't be 'infectious' after you've killed them

Why do you have to repeat the treatment after X days then?

bettywhitearse · 30/12/2016 14:16

DC had worms once. I told everyone who was invited and explained that I had deep cleaned everything Inc DC plus wormed and would understand.

I expected everyone to cancel. Nope they all came and some even joked they'd bought some worming tablets. Just in case. Grin

I think OP your relative just found it an excellent excuse, but completely stupid reason, not to visit.

TimetohittheroadJack · 30/12/2016 14:17

Soupdragon because the treatment kills the live lice and doesn't harm the eggs. The eggs then hatch so you have to treat them again in case some of the eggs have hatched.

I must have been luckily, one through combing and headrin seems to work fine for my kids, I think it depends a lot on hair type, if you have thick and curly hair it's much harder to comb them out.

ovenchips · 30/12/2016 14:17

I think you have to repeat the treatment because of the lifecycle of the critters .

CoteDAzur · 30/12/2016 14:18

Soup is right. Treatment is effective in killing the lice, not so effective in killing nits. In a week or two, those will open up and give you new lice. You must keep treating and consider yourselves live-prone (tie hair back, keep washing sheets & clothes at 60 C, limit hugging/rubbing heads with others & each other etc) during this time.

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