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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family no longer coming to stay (head lice-related)

302 replies

boobashka · 30/12/2016 13:03

My brother and his family are in the UK for the holidays staying with my parents (2hours away). Since October the plan has been that they will come to ours for 3 days over New Year. So I have filled the fridge, booked a meal out, and in the last couple of days cleaned house from top to bottom and organised beds and bedding for everyone - 11 people including my other DB. I discovered head lice in myself and DD yesterday - promptly treated with Full Marks and thorough combing with the fine tooth nit comb. Now my brother and his wife no longer want to come here to stay in case their two DC (age 4 and 2) contract nits.
AIBU to be think that their decision is super selfish? My mum has been on the phone in tears (first time all her grandchildren were to be together) and my two DC are upset to not be spending time with their little cousins.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 30/12/2016 16:18

fluff So glad someone else said it! I'm 32 and never had them, neither has my Sister, or any of my 3 Children...it would make me a bit uncomfortable.

Oliversmumsarmy · 30/12/2016 16:22

Since when did nits become an infectious disease.

KERALA1 · 30/12/2016 16:26

I don't know anyone of any age that has never had nits.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 30/12/2016 16:28

KERALA my parents have never had them either...maybe there's something about our hair that nits don't like!

carabos · 30/12/2016 16:29

Just asked DH - he's never had nits, and can't remember any of his 3 siblings having them either. It's definitely not something that "all" kids get at some point. It certainly wasn't a topic of conversation among mums at the school gate when mine were that age.

TwoGunslingers · 30/12/2016 16:30

Never had them...neither has DS

Pixel · 30/12/2016 16:31

Those people saying they wouldn't visit...if it was family you hadn't seen for ages and you were visiting from another country and unlikely to come again for a while, and everything was arranged ages ago...

Couldn't you just stick hats on your children?

SavageBeauty73 · 30/12/2016 16:32

Bonkers!!!!!! They must have wanted to cancel.

DonutParade · 30/12/2016 16:34

I've never had them, my kids have never had them, my parents never had them and my friends never had them at school, I'm late 40's. I'd be one of the precious ones in cancel corner as my SN DS would lose the plot if he got them.

KERALA1 · 30/12/2016 16:35

We get them a lot - dd2 is 7 and a tactile affectionate child who plays with most kids in the class rather than cliquey like dd1 then comes home and hugs us.We all get nits every 6 weeks or so, had them as a child in the 70s as did all my family and friends so really not squeamish about them. Worms on the other hand....

Re overseas family only flu/ stomach bug would stop us meeting up.

Pixel · 30/12/2016 16:36

It certainly wasn't a topic of conversation among mums at the school gate when mine were that age

I agree with this, so much so that I do actually remember overhearing whispered conversations about one particular family where the children always had nits, it was so rare that it stuck in my mind and I must have only been in the infants.

toots111 · 30/12/2016 16:41

I'm itching! Anyway, Hedrin Once kills eggs as well as live nits so no need to repost. Also perhaps suggest you can buy them some nitty gritty prevention spray. That, with hair up in plaits, and you've both been treated with Hedrin once and there's no problem in my opinion. If they don't live in the UK and only visit rarely surely they want to see you!

RebootYourEngine · 30/12/2016 16:42

I would have cancelled too. Ds got them about 5 times this year. Then i got them. It took more than one treatment and a week of combing through conditioner to get rid of them. I know kids could get them at nursery/school but i still would steer clear of anyone who had them.

toots111 · 30/12/2016 16:42

Retreat not repost

FixItUpChappie · 30/12/2016 16:43

Im left wondering if nits are more common in the UK because where I live everyone does not get them and no one I know would be happy to learn peoples little darlings are carry on as normal with them Confused

I think it's shit for your OP but I can understand their POV - nits are gross, who likes the idea of bugs crawling around in your hair? It's not just hair either....you'd have to re-wash everything to get them out of your house. They can live for 24 hrs off ones head so your family can keep picking them up otherwise. I don't think calling them names and assuming their precious so and so's is fair - I'm guessing a straw poll off MN would likely show many (myself included) shudder at the thought of bug infestation.

toots111 · 30/12/2016 16:46

But really, all these people that say they would cancel, would you really? If you lived a LONG HAUL flight away from your sister and you see them so infrequently that your mum has never seen all 4 grandchildren together? If it was your sister who lived down the road fair enough, but really someone who you might only see once a year? I'd take preventative measures and go hang out with my family! It's not a life threatening disease, just a bit minging and itchy.

DontEatTheSweets · 30/12/2016 16:54

I think it would have been really shady not to have told them

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/12/2016 16:55

I don't know if I'd cancel but I'd be pretty pissed off tbh.

It might "only" be nits but there are four of us here it cost me a bloody fortune to treat. Wasted best part of 100 quid too as I'd just had my hair done which thanks to finances is pretty much a once annual treat and hearing fucking stripped all the dye out Sad

My dd also has eczema which means the cheap conditioner for combing through between treatments is not an option either meaning her expensive conditioner was used far more than usual.

I'd avoid however possible and the attitude that it doesn't harm any one is pretty selfish tbh. That stuff Costs alot of money. And I had to buy 4 bloody bottles to do us all.

Somewhereundertheduvet · 30/12/2016 16:59

I'm 50 and never had nits at school (though our next door neighbour's son once did and it was spoken about in hushed tones as if he had contracted gonorrhea or something!)
However when DD was at full time nursery she seemed to get them every few months. It was an endless round of treating and combing. Then when she was about 4 she wanted to have long hair so I used a spray-in conditioner with Tea Tree Oil in it and she never caught them again.

I'm sorry you have had your NY plans cancelled for such a silly reason OP and I hope you manage to have a good one despite it.

AwadebumboMk2 · 30/12/2016 17:02

Sorry I can't blame them I wouldn't come and stay either, it might be no big deal to some but the thought of having parasites living in my hair turns my stomach.
I've also never had nits nor have any of my siblings or any of the friends I went to school with and I'm 40.

Original poster
boobashka · 30/12/2016 17:03

somewhere Grin re the gonorrhea reference!

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 30/12/2016 17:03

Exactly toots. Total loss of perspective. Local pal you see lots of after you have had bouts of nits yourselves I get. Cancelling a sibling a long haul flight away for nits? Madness. And hurtful for op.

KERALA1 · 30/12/2016 17:05

Thinking about it my niece had nits over Christmas. Sister and I treated all girls whilst chatting. Cannot imagine gathering up our belongings and huffing off from a rare family gathering for nits!

Original poster
boobashka · 30/12/2016 17:07

Thanks KERALA and Toots - you get me Grin

OP posts:
lougle · 30/12/2016 17:09

Are they from the USA? Head Lice are treated as a much bigger deal over there.