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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect people to be dressed if they've invited people round

903 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 14:37

Just that really- got invited round for Xmas drinks at some friends at 4pm and they were in their pjs and stayed like that for a 2 hour visit - Aibu to feel uncomfortable with the extreme casual-ness of it all. Even my kids asked why they were in their pjs

OP posts:

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1horatio · 30/12/2016 18:30

mindtrope

No, I wear a suit at least 5 days a week.

Shower, Pyjamas, bed (getting up a few times because of DD. Well, if the night nanny isn't here), bathroom (cat's bath etc), going tback to the bedroom and getting dressed.

No, I didn't. I know them well enough to know that they didn't mind,

And anyhow, my pyjamas, especially with the dressing gown, could have been lounge wear (a term I didn't even know before this thread... I wish I had enough free time to make use of this apparently awesome attire).

So, instead of telling me how grim it is... why is it grim?

Anyhow, all the people that don't shower before going to bed... do you change your sheets every morning? Because not doing so would be very grim imo.

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/12/2016 18:35

Soooooo after you'd answered the door, any didn't you pop back upstairs and spend a whole forty seconds changing into some actual clothes?

This ^^

Bad enough answering the door to guests in them, but not whizzing upstairs to quickly dress the entire time they were there?!

1horatio · 30/12/2016 18:36

But seeing as most of you seem to go to bed unwashed and presumably don't change the bedsheets every morning... well, yes, you do need to shower and get dressed in clean clothes after getting up. 😖😖

You've just spent a night surrounded by dirty sheets and.... you do at least wear new pyjamas every night, do you?!

1horatio · 30/12/2016 18:37

And yes, I don't mind my family seeing me in pyjamas. Why would I?

Roussette · 30/12/2016 18:47

Exceedingly strange. Pyjamas are nightwear and I could just as quickly put on ordinary clothes (go-to items are just there ready to put on) as put on pj's.

I'm sat here in my pj's. I've had flu or equivalent. But if the doorbell went now and DH asked someone in, I could be upstairs, throw on clothes and back down again before he'd even asked them what they'd like to drink. I just don't get what the problem is putting on clothes.

1horatio it seems to me like you like to shower at night. Others like to shower in the morning. I'm not sure what your point is. just to muddy the waters I often shower night and morning.

1horatio · 30/12/2016 18:52

rou
My question was:

If me putting my freshly showered body in clean Pyjamas in the evening, then doing a quick cat wash and putting them on again is this grim... then do you also change your bedsheets everyday?
Or is that for some weird reason ok? Because your bedsheets are most likely way dirtier than my Pyjamas if you don't shower before going to bed...

And if all the people complaining on this thread don't change their bedsheets everyday despite dirtying them in the night (several people have clearly stated that they do not shower in the evening) this simply sounds like hypocritical pearl clutching in my personal opinion.

Mindtrope · 30/12/2016 18:59

horatio, it's not the same.

Do you You are putting back on dirty nightclothes.

We wear pyjamas as inner clothes so we don't have to change our sheets every day.
It's the same idea as wearing a coat which we don't have to clean every time we wear it because we wear inner clothes to absorb sweat and body odours.. If you wore a coat and were naked underneath you may well end up having to wash it every day.
Putting pyjamas back on in the morning that you have spent all night in is grim.

It's like me having a shower in the evening ( which I do) and putting back on the same pair of knickers I have worn all day.

Roussette · 30/12/2016 18:59

It's never been about the grimness for me. It's just the fact that I think visitors are owed more than someone who can't be bothered to get dressed. I know you will say you have dressed because you have put your pj's back on. But you have redressed yourself in nightclothes.

It's not a cleanliness thing for me. It's a respect for a visitor thing. Even if they are family.

I'm just imagining my lovely older DSis's face if I answered the door in my pj's after asking her and her partner here for brunch/lunch/whatever. She would honestly think I was ill. I don't need to impress her, we are soooo relaxed together, but we do get dressed when we see each other!

TheWoodlander · 30/12/2016 19:05

I wouldn't mind my family seeing me in my pyjamas - but I wouldn't serve out brunch in pyjamas/dressing gown. I would run up and get changed first.

You could be clean as the cleanest thing on earth - freshly showered etc - but there's still the hint that you're dishing up food in the clothes you slept in, iyswim.

1horatio · 30/12/2016 19:05

mindtrope

We wear pyjamas as inner clothes so we don't have to change our sheets every day but if you go to bed dirty the sheets will end up dirty as well?

But you do at least wear new Pyjamas every night?

Why is it grim? I wear new Pyjamas every night?

And why would anybody care about my knickers, which yes, I obviously wear clean ones everyday? I wore Pyjama bottoms and a dressing gown. so my vagina and bum were also double covered...?

Mindtrope · 30/12/2016 19:07

It's grim because you are wearing clothes that you slept in. Sweaty and beefy from a night's sleep.

1horatio · 30/12/2016 19:10

Sweaty and beefy? What are you doing that you smell like this?

A bed is clean, the Pyjamas are clean and you are clean. There is no beefiness...?

And anyhow, it has happened that I've worn a jeans two times in a row, for example. Wearing my Pyjamas is the same imo.

Roussette · 30/12/2016 19:10

but there's still the hint that you're dishing up food in the clothes you slept in, iyswim

Exactly. And that you can't be arsed to get dressed for the people who've come to your house. I would just be thinking "bloody hell, they couldn't even be bothered to get dressed for us! Shows what they think of us!"

1horatio · 30/12/2016 19:11

But maybe nine o FYI has ever worn the same jeans twice either and that's grim as well. Shrug 😉

1horatio · 30/12/2016 19:15

nine o FYI

But maybe none of you...

MaQueen · 30/12/2016 19:32

Ihoratio I suspect you're enjoying portraying yourself as so much more chilled, and too cool for school than us fuddy duddy conventionistas...you remind me terribly of my friend's 15 yr DD who thinks she's so avant garde because she sports a £6.99 blue hair dye from Superdrug (wow...) and ostentatiously likes to read 'Last Exit To Brooklyn' when in company (double wow...)

It's vair contrived, and a tad tiresome...

MsHooliesCardigan · 30/12/2016 20:02

horatio and Wookie You've done a sterling job at trying to defend your position and I admire your tenacity but I'm not buying it. All this 'I can do what I like in my own house' is fair enough but doesn't really apply when you have guests. The first rule of being a host is trying to make guests feel comfortable. The great majority of posters have said that being invited to an afternoon event with people that you don't know that well who are both dressed in pyjamas would make them feel uncomfortable- as it would me. Like many PPs, my first thought would be that they had forgotten about it or that I had got the wrong day. I also agree that standard men's pyjamas leave little to the imagination and that would make me feel awkward faced with someone that I had never met or met once.
Social conventions do change and dress codes have generally become more informal in terms of what is acceptable in the work place, not having to wear hats to weddings or church, casual dress being fine for the theatre etc but the overwhelming consensus from this thread is that people hosting events in pyjamas makes guests feel uncomfortable.
No, it doesn't mean they are terrible people and not is it the end of the world but, if the simple act of getting dressed in day clothes puts your guests at ease and makes the occasion more pleasant for them, I don't get why you wouldn't just do it rather than fighting to the end for your right to wear pyjamas whilst hosting an afternoon social event.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/12/2016 20:06

Couldn't agree more, mshoolie.

CaraAspen · 30/12/2016 20:12

Wookie and Horatio are very different. I really don't how you can do connect them in the way that you have!!

PLEASE do read the entire thread.

melodramatic sigh

CaraAspen · 30/12/2016 20:12

Wookie and Horatio are very different. I really don't see how you can do connect them in the way that you have!!

PLEASE do read the entire thread.

melodramatic sigh

CaraAspen · 30/12/2016 20:15

Argh

...how you can connect them...

MsHooliesCardigan · 30/12/2016 20:17

Cara I have read the entire thread, I always do I know Wookie hasn't been back for a while but my brain just registered her and horatio as the stalwarts of the right to host social events in pyjamas crew.

SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 30/12/2016 20:23

Well said MsHoolie

CaraAspen · 30/12/2016 20:24

Horatio is not an irritant.

big wink

Imchangingmyname · 30/12/2016 20:50

Slovenly.

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