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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect people to be dressed if they've invited people round

903 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 14:37

Just that really- got invited round for Xmas drinks at some friends at 4pm and they were in their pjs and stayed like that for a 2 hour visit - Aibu to feel uncomfortable with the extreme casual-ness of it all. Even my kids asked why they were in their pjs

OP posts:

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Leanin15yearsmaybe · 29/12/2016 18:05

YAB totally U! Pj's are the way forward! I drove 50 miles to my family on Christmas morning in them with nair a thought for accidents or police stoppages! TBH I take offence if my Friends Dont turn up in, or at least bring, pj's when invited to my house!

Footinmouthasusual · 29/12/2016 18:08

Swingers I tell you and hoping to ensnare you into their web. Pampas grass next. Don't accompany the school dad into the basement as it's clearly a dungeon.

Scarriff · 29/12/2016 18:12

Sorry I'm still confused. When I get out of bed in the morning I usually wash, clean my teeth and do something with my hair. At that point I'm unlikely to put my nightie back on. Certainly I will put on underwear and a little facecream. So those of you in onsies, pjs etc after midday..... may I ask Have you washed? Put on fresh pjs? Don't you need a bra? What about pants? Socks? Just curious.

tooclosetocall · 29/12/2016 18:13

YANBU OP. People can wear what they want in their own homes but if I was greeted (by invitation) by pj's or a nightdress at the front door, I would assume the person was unwell or they had forgotten about the invite.
Perhaps these are the same strange folks who feel comfortable to shop in their sleepwear & slippers too. It's laughable really.

DottyS · 29/12/2016 18:13

My experience of PJs during the day was Christmas day this year. The family were gathered awaiting Christmas dinner (about 2 in the afternoon)when my neighbour knocked with a small Christmas gift. Of course she was made welcome and invited in for a drink. When she took her coat off she was still in her PJs. When we discovered she was on her own we invited her to stay for dinner (believe me I had enough to feed an army) and I thought she might nip home to change but no she stayed for food etc in her PJs. It takes all types but my sister's elderly father-in-law did ask me if she was really ill and that was why she was in her "night attire". Still a good time was had by all

tooclosetocall · 29/12/2016 18:15

footinmouth

ForalltheSaints · 29/12/2016 18:21

Since Primark and the other cheap and nasty clothing makers have come along, standards have slipped.

You should have made excuses and left after a few minutes, or even straight away.

ridingsixwhitehorses · 29/12/2016 18:22

Yanbu

NoBetterName · 29/12/2016 18:23

I often visit people's homes in a professional capacity and I'm often surprised that even though they know I'm coming (have made an appointment), some will still be wearing PJs. It's a professional meeting, not a meeting with friends and I suppose I do hoick up my judgey-pants a bit (not that I'd say anything) that if I've turned up in professional dress, they've not even got dressed. You wouldn't go visit a solicitor in their office in PJs.

Giddyaunt18 · 29/12/2016 18:24

I'd find that weird. They should have put you at ease by telling yo beforehand so you could dress similarly i.e make no effort whatsoever. I know of nobody who behaves like that.

Giddyaunt18 · 29/12/2016 18:26

Have you washed? Put on fresh pjs? Don't you need a bra? What about pants? Socks? Just curious.
I'd like to know this too.

Lillithxxx · 29/12/2016 18:28

Their house, their rules. But downright rude.

SooBee61 · 29/12/2016 18:29

It would be a courtesy to guests to at least put on some clothes. I would personally have been embarrassed. Pyjamas at 4pm are only acceptable if you're ill.

MarjorieSimpson · 29/12/2016 18:34

Well OP I think this is one of those times where MN is just in completely parallel universe.
Sounds they will tell you it's ok to do the school run in your pjs .

Sorry pjs are for sleeping not to receive guests. My first thought would be that these were the same clothes they would have slept in all night, maybe a few nights before hand. Boak....
Lounge wear... some would be better than pjs but some aren't much better TBH.

As far as I am concerned, if I have guest around for the day (different if they stay over for a few nights btw), I would dress in a way that would be appropriate to go out. After all, my guests will have made that effort so why shouldn't I??
It is also worth remembering that it's totally possible to feel comfortable and relaxed in something else than a pj!!

Ab1000 · 29/12/2016 18:40

I'm confused I've just got on from work- what is a lazy day ? I've know idea, I don't have time to lie around in pyjamas all day watching Jeremy Kyle.

beautifuldaytosavelives · 29/12/2016 18:48

I'm with you OP, inviting people round warrants getting dressed.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/12/2016 18:55

I agree with MaQueen's post of 11:26 particularly. The hosts of OP's drinks party have missed social cues and gauged the situation incorrectly, therefore failing the first duty of a host which is to make their guests feel at ease and comfortable.

Unless you know your invited guests well enough to KNOW that they won't mind and won't feel uncomfortable then get dressed. If you don't, you are forcing your guests into overfamiliarity which won't be welcomed by the majority. It is slovenly not to make an effort to get dressed/washed/into normal daytime clothing when you are not familiar with the people you've invited to your home.

I too would think that the hosts were ill and/or had forgotten - and I would make my excuses as quickly as possible and leave.

In your own home, do what you want. Wear what you want BUT if you impose that on the public, expect them to judge you for it and not always kindly. The thread has probably come as a bit of a surprise to some but it boils down to 'know your audience' and don't foist your behaviour on them.

We didn't always have nightwear being worn to supermarkets either, the fact that some see fit to flout dress codes doesn't mean that they should or that they actually can. It was a problem here for a while until supermarkets banned it. Some things are and should be totally immune to zeitgeist memes and deviations from public standards of behaviour.

notsmelliesagain · 29/12/2016 19:02

I dislike it when people have their manky bare feet on display when everybody else is either wearing slippers or socks.
Why would you want everybody to see your bunionised, callous infested manky feet? looking at you mother

It's always the ones with horrible feet that likes to get em out.

Mindtrope · 29/12/2016 19:07

If you are wearing PJs still at 4pm, that means you have been in the same set of clothes for 18 hours.

I don't care if you showered the night before, it's a bit like me greeting morning guests in the same clothes that I put on yesterday afterrnoon- and slept in them.

P00pchute · 29/12/2016 19:07

I can't accept that some of these posters are real people

It's only casual indoor clothing, they're not rolling around in their own excrement.

CommunionHelp · 29/12/2016 19:11

This thread is bloody marvellous.

The 'meh, take me as you find me' and 'your home, your rules,' knows no bounds on MN.

'I went round for dinner at a friends hour and they had strewn the floor with half-eaten toast, unsheathed knives and cow shit. AIBU to have this unpleasant?'

MN: ''Their house, their rules. Call yourself a friend? You sound a bit entitled. They're just cool and chilled. Stop judging. Not everyone conforms, you know. Are you usually so ungrateful?'

CaraAspen · 29/12/2016 19:13

Hmmmm

worrierandwine · 29/12/2016 19:13

It would totally depend on the company. If it were my best friends who I've grown up with and are more like sisters than friends then PJ's totally acceptable. If it were people I didn't know that well (as you have said) then I would feel awkward too.

Tapandgo · 29/12/2016 19:13

Don't get this lounging around all day in the clothes you got out of bed in, and intend to go back to bed in. Gross.

Inviting people round when you are still in sleepwear - slovenly. What did they serve up for supper - boiled eggs and cereal?

CaraAspen · 29/12/2016 19:13

@ the delightfully named P00pchute

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