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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to be dressed if they've invited people round

903 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 14:37

Just that really- got invited round for Xmas drinks at some friends at 4pm and they were in their pjs and stayed like that for a 2 hour visit - Aibu to feel uncomfortable with the extreme casual-ness of it all. Even my kids asked why they were in their pjs Confused

OP posts:
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15
bumsexatthebingo · 29/12/2016 00:31

Oh is that like when people 'want views' on baby headbands/ear piercing etc and then act all shocked at the responses they get. It was clear how this thread was going to go. But at least she only wears pj's in bed. That's the main thing!

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2016 00:33

You would feel "very flattered" that someone invited you round at Christmas and hosted in their pyjamas? Now that's weird.

Hadenoughoftumble · 29/12/2016 00:33

Wow. Just wow. Ok so maybe this couple are different to the op in the way they live and thought pj's would be acceptable and misjudged the situation. But some of the responses on here are just shocking. Maybe wearing pj's when you've invited people over is not the best idea but revolting? Slovenly? Disgusting? Really?!?

This might shock a lot of you but people are different. Some people love to wear pj's, some don't. Most people realise it's not the societal norm to wear them outside the home but inside their own homes people can do what the fuck they like. But apparently on mn if you dare wear them outside your bedroom then you are a disgusting slob! Jesus!

I like wearing my pj's. I don't wear them all day but I like putting them on after dinner to do the kids bedtime routine and watch tv. I wouldn't wear them outside but would wear them to have a takeaway with a close friend etc. Some of the judginess on this thread is absolutely shocking. Seriously stop caring what other people do and concentrate on being kinder people.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2016 00:33

Did the OP say she was shocked? I think it's other posters who are shocked.

bumsexatthebingo · 29/12/2016 00:34

And the kids were invited as well. At 4 o'clock. So it was basically a playdate not some kind of sophisticated dinner party. Maybe the op made the hosts feel uncomfortable in her evening gown Grin

Wookiecookies · 29/12/2016 00:35

Not weird suburban, just relaxed and open minded. And I wont apologise for it. Xmas Wink

1horatio · 29/12/2016 00:35

bumsex have you seen the last thread about shoes on/off?

I'm sure there are also some on what kind of soap you use.
Or whether you have a lounge or a night nanny.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/12/2016 00:36

"Whatever will they think of next dear? No corsets for visitors? Quite the scandal! What will dearest Persavia think? We can but hope that she does not report this shocking transgression back to the Dukes ma ma. We must at once pen a fervent letter to london, explaining this misunderstanding!"

You really have absolutely no idea. Your inability to grasp a point is outstanding.

Many posters have attempted to explain the concept of basic courtesy to your invited guests. The OP and her partner are not close family or long term friends who might have been used to this level of casualness- they are school gate acquaintances. The OP's husband barely knows them.

The thing that stands out to me is that the "pjs any time" brigade are all about themselves - how I feel, what I want etc. If I invite guests to my home I want them to feel comfortable, so I think about their feelings, not mine. And many people will feel uncomfortable and/or as if their hosts aren't interested in them if they are wearing pyjamas. So I would make the effort to wear clothes. I would also make the effort to serve them food and drinks, rather than tell them to go to the kitchen and find themselves something - which may be appropriate in other circumstances.

It's not about snobbishness, or the mindless upholding of outdated societal norms, it's about being a considerate host

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2016 00:38

I think you've misunderstood what people are shocked about, hadenough.

It's not the wearing of pyjamas when not in bed. It's the hosting of people who aren't very good friends while wearing pyjamas. If you're the kind of friends who do this together, knock yourself out. But to assume everyone else would be comfortable with you not being dressed is pretty egocentric in my view.

Wookiecookies · 29/12/2016 00:38

Grin lass really? Me grasping a point? I think I have it gripped quite nicely thank you.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2016 00:39

just relaxed and open minded

Oh give over.

Wookiecookies · 29/12/2016 00:41

Why suburban? Because we have a differing opinion? Are you in charge?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/12/2016 00:41

Most people realise it's not the societal norm to wear them outside the home but inside their own homes people can do what the fuck they like.

Most people I would hope realise that when they invite guests to their home, particularly guests they are not close to, that actually they can't "do what the fuck the like"

bumsexatthebingo · 29/12/2016 00:43

They didn't do 'what the fuck they like' though did they? They didn't take a shit on the table. They wore pj's for what they clearly thought were relaxed drinks while the children played.

1horatio · 29/12/2016 00:44

lass

They were invited on Christmas.

The OP may not be incredibly close to the father but somebody has to be close to someone in that group.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/12/2016 00:44

lass really? Me grasping a point? I think I have it gripped quite nicely thank you

If that makes you happy- along with being so "open minded"

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2016 00:46

somebody has to be close to someone in that group

Not necessarily. They could just be the kind of people who think hosting guests in your pyjamas makes you "relaxed and open-minded".

Wookiecookies · 29/12/2016 00:46

It does, thank you Lass.

Hadenoughoftumble · 29/12/2016 00:47

I am of the opinion that this couple were misguided and should have put clothes on to open their own homes to people they don't know very well suburban but I really think that they like the op and were in their pj's in a misguided attempt at 'look how comfortable we are with you, I hope we become really good friends'. Should they have done that? Probably not. But are they disgusting? No! I feel really bad for them.

Some of the comments on this thread have been vile. Lots of people insinuating that if you don't immediately change out of your pj's in the morning then you are a slob.

1horatio · 29/12/2016 00:47

suburban

Maybe 😉

Wookiecookies · 29/12/2016 00:47

Grin no "bitchiness" on this thread apparently. Hmm

Wookiecookies · 29/12/2016 00:51

Jesus. So they wore PJ's, crime of the century, lets drag them out in public and make them pay for breaking society's norms. How very dare they, poor OP, you must be positively traumatised, do PM suburban and lass immediately. I believe they can point you in the direction of an appropriate therapist.

Originalfoogirl · 29/12/2016 01:07

I once went door to door round the area I lived in. Nice estate, new houses, smart cars etc. Of the roughly 200 doors I knocked on, at least half were in jammas, late afternoon.

I also stayed at a very posh hotel. People were milling about in jammas. Seems quite a normal thing for folks to do.

I spend most at home days in my own house in Jammas. If folk I know come round, I don't go and change. If people want to judge me on that, they're welcome not to come round again.

harverina · 29/12/2016 01:22

I find it incredibly strange that someone would invite two couples that they don't know particularly well, round for Xmas drinks and nibbles and not get dressed for this. It's crazy to say that pyjamas are clothes. They are not clothes! Loungewear is different but even then I would find this strange!

When I'm at home I am generally in my jammies. I put them on as soon as I get home because they are comfy. So I am not being critical of people being in their jammies after a certain time in the day at all.

But it wouldn't occur to me to put my pyjamas on if I had people coming for drinks. That's just weird in my opinion. Even if I had family round for drinks I would get dressed! Different if they popped in and I was already in my jammies - that would be too bad but come on, would people seriously do this???

harverina · 29/12/2016 01:23

And actually, if a school gate couple
Invited us round for drinks and nibbles over Xmas I would probably make a bit of an effort - have a shower, fresh make up, possibly a nicer than usual top with my jeans. So to turn up and find them in their nightwear is weird!