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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to be dressed if they've invited people round

903 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 14:37

Just that really- got invited round for Xmas drinks at some friends at 4pm and they were in their pjs and stayed like that for a 2 hour visit - Aibu to feel uncomfortable with the extreme casual-ness of it all. Even my kids asked why they were in their pjs Confused

OP posts:
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15
paxillin · 28/12/2016 22:16

You've met him for the third time and he's in pjs? He'll let it all hang out once comfortable around you Grin.

Doobigetta · 28/12/2016 22:20

I'm on the side of the judgers. As a PP said, how low do your standards have to go before they are non-existent?

Wookiecookies · 28/12/2016 22:20

Shit behaviour? No... beating a partner is shit behaviour, stealing is shit behaviour, lying is shit behaviour. Wearing PJ's for guests? Unusual, yes, impolite maybe, if they are strangers, but it is not "shit behaviour".

NataliaOsipova · 28/12/2016 22:21

I am baffled by this thread. Not least because I think all pyjamas are fucking awful. Do people actually wear them? I think they are uncomfortable in all situations - either you roast if you wear them in bed or you have elastic round your waist and flapping legs if you wear them when you're up and about and they're not as warm as clothes. Plus (and I will admit to having significant boobs, so others may feel differently) - who on earth is comfortable not wearing underwear (ie bra and pants) except in bed? So anything to do with pyjamas gets a huge thumbs down from me. Go round to somewhere I'd been invited in the middle of the day and someone's wearing leggings and a T shirt? No problem and no judgement. Pyjamas? I'd think they were ill and about to retire to bed.

Haffdonga · 28/12/2016 22:23

Of course it's weird.

There's nothing wrong with PJs in themselves. There's nothing wrong with spending all day in a frilly negligee, a rubber gimp suit if that's what you like to do in your own home. But people don't wear rubber gimp suits to the supermarket or frilly negligees to school or work because it's inappropriate.

Bikini on a beach - Fine. Bikini in an office - inappropriate.
Pyjamas slobbing round TV at home - fine. Pyjamas when you've invited guests - inappropriate,

MyPeriodFeatures · 28/12/2016 22:24

I think the drinks evening looked a bit like this.

And people have 'smart pyjamas? Seriously?' For best?

To expect people to be dressed if they've invited people round
MaQueen · 28/12/2016 22:24

My cousin is a proper, trained artist living a terribly bohemian lifestyle in a farmhouse in the depths of Wales...but even she wouldn't dream of hosting a 'do wearing her PJs FFS.

I was educated by mung bean chomping, goat milking, lentil knitting Steiner teachers...never once did I ever observe any of them in their bleddy PJs. Not on overnight school trips, not when I visited their homes. Never.

1horatio · 28/12/2016 22:24

There's nothing wrong with being a peasant 😉

But as I said above, I wouldn't be wearing pyjamas at 4pm. Especially not if somebody was invited to some kind of holiday party at our house.

I simply said that I have hosted brunch for immediate family and close friends whilst wearing a dressing gown... and that I do not try around them.

What a horrible phrase btw. Trying around family... I mean, seriously? I am. I succeed. But I don't try to be something I'm not around my immediate family (let's not talk about the extended family. My extended family is at least 300 people, and that's a conservative calculation, but that's the Italian side, I guess :). And they'd never see me in pyjamas)

And I personally would not be insulted by anybody inviting me to their house and weir family pyjamas. Not at all.

Sallystyle · 28/12/2016 22:25

I don't wear anything in bed.

I mostly wear the lounge pants from FatFace and those things are seriously comfortable. They aren't too warm at all and nothing flapping around your legs. With a loose T-shirt they are lovely.

I am now wearing big fleece pjs and again, they are comfortable, they fit great.

1horatio · 28/12/2016 22:26

As for standards?

Our housekeeper can have your standards. I certainly don't want them 😅

Mindtrope · 28/12/2016 22:27

THere are lots of things we do to make guests feel welcome.

If I am peckish at home I may grab a slice of bread, slather it with cream cheese and fold it in half, eating it as I walk though the kitchen.

I wouldn't really think that is appropriate food to give my guests.
If I entertain I like guests to feel welcome and special, so I do things, prepare food, put the cat litter tray out of sight, clean the toilet, hoover and wear something appropriate to make my guests feel welcome.
Surely when we have guests we want them to feel welcome, and that includes not wearing our nightclothes.

scottishdiem · 28/12/2016 22:31

I am amused by the level of dismay that the PJs-all-day-every-day-dont-force-me-to-adhere-to-your-social-customs types are showing those of us who might acknowledge a difference between relaxing at home one our own and inviting people round for drinks.

I wonder if its an age thing and the 'older ones' (I turned 40 last week) are just different to the entitled-never-have-done-anything-wrong-100%-always-correct millennials and wannabe millennials are the PJs in all circumstances people.

Mindtrope · 28/12/2016 22:31

I wouldn't even serve breakfast for my OH and kids in pjs.

It's too cold anyway ( Scotland) so I would need to wear a dressing gown, horrible dangly sleeves trailing around sinks and making tea.

NicknameUsed · 28/12/2016 22:32

"I even think slippers is a bit odd if I'm honest"

Blush I always wear slippers in the house. No-one wears shoes indoors round here and it is too cold not to wear slippers.
paxillin · 28/12/2016 22:39

I'd probably assume the hosts are struggling. Depression maybe or alcoholism.

NataliaOsipova · 28/12/2016 22:40

Being tongue In cheek here, but an alternative explanation has occurred to me for the nightclothes. Could it have been a different sort of party from the one you thought? You may have been expecting a glass of wine and a couple of vol au vents.....but were they more of the "car keys in the bowl" mindset?

AmeliaJack · 28/12/2016 22:44

Maybe it's the understanding of the event that's causing the division of opinion.

Because personally if friends invited me round to their home for Christmas drinks I'd see that as a bit of an occasion and dress up a bit. I'd think jeans was a bit casual let alone "Loungewear".

Christmas drinks to me means a small party with a fire, nibbles, mulled wine, conversation and a possibly a number of small children eating too much chocolate.

Wookiecookies · 28/12/2016 22:44

All this talk about "standards", who exactly decides these standards? What social construct must we all adhere to? Is it written somewhere?
These people were in their own home. Yes, I would have been suprised to find them
In nightwear at 4 if they had been expecting me and I didn't know them well, but I would not have judged them for it, just because it is not MY normal.

Wookiecookies · 28/12/2016 22:45

Haha Natalia, that is indeed a possibility! Grin

BackforGood · 28/12/2016 22:54

YANBU at all OP
Of course you get dressed if you have invited people round.

wonderstuff · 28/12/2016 22:58

I'd be very uncomfortable op. I would always get dressed for guests. Unless I had a brand new baby. Just odd.

MaQueen · 28/12/2016 22:58

pax yes, I agree. All joking aside, if a friend wasn't getting dressed all day I wouldn't think 'Hey, they're just so chilled and too cool to adhere to convention.'

I would actually be a bit worried, and think they were perhaps struggling to cope.

Delatron · 28/12/2016 23:00

I was thinking 'pampas grass and keys in the bowl' from the start of this thread...
Funny there was only one other couple invited..
Either that or they are highly fashionable.

QuodPeriitPeriit · 28/12/2016 23:01

The thing that stands out to me is that the "pjs any time" brigade are all about themselves - how I feel, what I want etc. If I invite guests to my home I want them to feel comfortable, so I think about their feelings, not mine. And many people will feel uncomfortable and/or as if their hosts aren't interested in them if they are wearing pyjamas. So I would make the effort to wear clothes. I would also make the effort to serve them food and drinks, rather than tell them to go to the kitchen and find themselves something - which may be appropriate in other circumstances.

It's not about snobbishness, or the mindless upholding of outdated societal norms, it's about being a considerate host.

MyPeriodFeatures · 28/12/2016 23:02

All these people that say they would not judge are virtue signalling basically.

If you honestly would feel comfortable, welcome, festive and indeed sociable rocking up at someone's house for drinks, someone you knew at the school gates; then hooray!!!! Youve demonstrated your liberal, right minded, inclusive and very nice personable generous mentality.

The rest of us are just judgemental. I'd actually rather be in the judgemental camp on this.

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