To wonder if all men are just mardy arse spoilt bastards??

[ricecrispies16]

Or is it just mine?

He's grown up around women - his mum, softer than soft - wiped his arse for him up until 2 years ago when I met him - 3 sisters, all of which worship the ground he walks in and he can do no wrong because he's the baby of the family... well somehow now he's my baby to deal with and I can't be arsed with it. I can't work out if I'm just being ignorant or he really is just a spoilt twat?!

My 9yo nephew is here with me for a few days starting today - going through an awful lot at home, social services involvement etc dp comes home all is well until he gets up to do something, comes back a few mins later and nephew has come back to the lounge and sat in the seat dp was in. I hear dp asking him to move, I ask what's up, dp says it's nothing. I go back out and when I come back nephew has moved and dp is sat there. I asked if he'd made nephew move, he says again "I was sitting there" so I explain that he wasn't sat there so nephew chose to sit there, he shouldn't have made him move. Dp then gives a loooooong sigh and starts to move saying here you sit there if it's really that important. Then falls out with me.

I just feel like it's as though he thinks children are below him. This isn't the first of incidents like this.

Was it me being unreasonable?

And to those who are saying that children are equal to adults, would you therefore really allow your children to sit in a chair whilst, say, their grandparents ended up on the floor?

I hope not. And that's because this is nothing to do with equality or rating children's dignity/standing/importance in the home. It's about teaching respect/manners. No one is excusing an adult being rude to a child, but even if they experience that, and they surely will in life, then I would teach them to hold themselves proud and respond with dignified politeness.

Equality...hmm...

My DDs don't expect me to sit on the floor, while they relax on the sofa, ...in just the same way I don't expect them to pay towards the mortgage.

When i was a child if someone said 'oi shift' to me i would have found them really rude, i wouldn't have laughed at all. If ds was sitting happily in a spot and dh or i told him to move for no other reason than we wanted to sit there and as adults we had the power to make him move i would expect him to say no. Just as i would now and would have when i was young. This kind of controlling behaviour for the hell of it is why i hated being a child and left home at 16. You feel you have no autonomy at all and people can just boss you around because of their age.

I have seen the Royle family and i certainly wouldn't want my family modelled on that. I always found it horribly depressing how unpleasant they were to each other. I thought the dad was a horrible bully.

If there are seats for everyone i don't see why anyone wouldn't just sit on another one rather than making someone move. It seems so arbitrary.

i would expect him to say no.

Great parenting, there!

Thank you. I think it's pretty good, if someone asks you to do something with no apparent reason. I would do the same - so why is ds any different? If you were sitting on a chair where others were available and someone told you to move, would you really just subserviently get up and do as they said?

If you were sitting on a chair where others were available and someone told you to move, would you really just subserviently get up and do as they said?

As a child, if an adult asked, then yes, of course.

I didn't realise the seat thing was so common. We don't have our own seats at the dining table either. DH and i don't have sides of the bed and we don't even have allocated bedrooms in this house - We just sleep wherever and have our clothes in every room! We are clearly strange

octopus - as a child that would seem so odd to me that i would ask why. Not rudeness but i genuinely wouldn't get the 'my seat' thing. My dc are really polite - it's often commented on. Even my toddler shouts 'NO THANK YOU' when he tantrums. But i don't think they have ever been anywhere where people think of seats as there own, so would think it weird and question it.

It's not about having "own seats." Nowhere has the OP said that this seat is always "his." It's just that he was sitting in it, and had got up for a moment or two, and expected to reclaim it when he returned - rather in the same way that you would if you were on a train and nipped to the loo.

But with respect, koala, if you function as a household that has no allocated bedrooms, then I would say you're hardly typical. I've never heard of anyone operating their home like that.

But did the boy see he was sitting in it first? If he didn't then the train analogy would be if you went to the loo, someone got on the train/walked thru the carriage and sat in the seat you had vacated, then you came back and saw them and there were still other seats available around but you asked them to move because you had been sitting there unbeknownst to them previously. That would be weird.

And yes - i know we are strange in that (and many) respects.

It's not unhealthy for a child to witness two adults having a DISCUSSION. I went in seen nephew had moved, asked dp if he'd made him move and why. Hardly a blow up

But did the boy see he was sitting in it first?

Apparently not, which is why the OP's dh told him! And he moved. good on him. No issue - which is why it's strange that the OP made such a big deal of it.

Anyway, if it is your husband being a spoilt twat, then most of us on this thread must be spoilt also, and it cannot therefore be blamed on his mother and sisters.

You don't even have designated bedrooms??? I have never heard of that, ever...

And, fair enough, no big deal asking for seat back but what's with the big display of a long sigh and "fine have it if it's THAT important" I don't think there was a need for that comment,

Well, no. You're absolutely right, there would have been no need for that comment at all had you not interfered and fussed about him asking your dn to move.

Sorry, OP, but this one's on you.

Well, quite Francis

Apparently it's perfectly acceptable for the OP to dictate that her DP sits in a place that she deems appropriate... but, it is totally unacceptable for her DP to dictate her nephew sits in a place that he deems appropriate.

The irony...just, the total irony...

I think it does make a difference in that if someone moved into my seat knowing it was where i was sitting i would feel slightly more proprietary about it. But if they just walked in and saw an empty chair i doubt i would feel the same and wouldn't bother asking as it would look odd to me. It would look odd if i was sitting there and someone walked in and said 'i was sitting there...'

MaQueen - yes, we always all slept in one room in our last house, then we moved in April to a house which has more bedrooms and they all have kingsize or superking beds in and wardrobes and drawers are all over the place so we have just spread out without really allocating a space for anyone in particular. I will say 'put ds1 in the green room tonight as i need to put laundry away in the blue room later' etc. And we all have all the doors open and wander about sleeping where we lay. I'm sure as time goes on we will allocate rooms more specifically.

Man I couldn't cope without my own bedroom. All done out to my specific taste and is like a giant hug when I shut the door.

I wouldn't sleep well all that chopping and changing.

No private space where I can call my own? It makes me feel sad.

Maybe some households don't need privacy.

i've never understood the need for privacy or ownership (nor jealousy) Gamer. It's something i struggle with with other people. I do work on it tho. MN helps me understand other peoples view because lots of things would never occur to me - like the seat thing.

Ah yes you don't, it doesn't mean the rest of your household doesn't

Everyon should have a spot in the house that is just theirs. Where they keep special things and have somewhere to decompress if needed.