To wonder if all men are just mardy arse spoilt bastards??

[ricecrispies16]

Or is it just mine?

He's grown up around women - his mum, softer than soft - wiped his arse for him up until 2 years ago when I met him - 3 sisters, all of which worship the ground he walks in and he can do no wrong because he's the baby of the family... well somehow now he's my baby to deal with and I can't be arsed with it. I can't work out if I'm just being ignorant or he really is just a spoilt twat?!

My 9yo nephew is here with me for a few days starting today - going through an awful lot at home, social services involvement etc dp comes home all is well until he gets up to do something, comes back a few mins later and nephew has come back to the lounge and sat in the seat dp was in. I hear dp asking him to move, I ask what's up, dp says it's nothing. I go back out and when I come back nephew has moved and dp is sat there. I asked if he'd made nephew move, he says again "I was sitting there" so I explain that he wasn't sat there so nephew chose to sit there, he shouldn't have made him move. Dp then gives a loooooong sigh and starts to move saying here you sit there if it's really that important. Then falls out with me.

I just feel like it's as though he thinks children are below him. This isn't the first of incidents like this.

Was it me being unreasonable?

Rice what if your daughter is rude/mean first? Even the most well behaved child will have their moments. Should the other person be rude/mean back? Even an adult? And you'd be ok with that?

I'm not saying I encourage her to be rude to people, of course I don't. I'm just saying that I'd never like her too feel like she has no choice or control in her life because all the adults see her as nothing more than a child.

Yeah, well good luck with that then.

Again, I'm genuinely quite intrigued as to where you think I've gone wrong here? Why would I not want her to feel valued and like she has choice available to her?!

Oh dear...you're one of those parents, aren't you OP.

I have 'my spot' on the sofa. The DDs don't tend to sit in it, and if they go so far as to sit in it, they are asked to move pretty sharpish.

As for being 'equal' hmmmm, well in some ways, yes. But I would describe our relationship in terms of my being the benign despot and the DDs my cherished minions, living under a caring dictatorship...

OP you say your nephew is having a very stressful, challenging time at the moment, and was staying with you for a bit of peace & quiet, I take it?

Then why on Earth did you take a complete non-event, and escalate it into a needlessly uncomfortable situation and create an awkward atmosphere for your nephew?

I bet your poor nephew went to bed feeling anxious and stressed, and very much aware of a bad atmosphere.

Well done.

To be honest OP you say your DP is childish, but you don't sound any more adult.

I, on the otherhand am a proper grown up with a huge bag of common sense to hand. If (and it's a huge if) you felt your DP's attitude was unwarranted, then the sensible thing to do, was have a quiet word with him about it when your nephew was out of earshot.

Instead, you took a very, very, very slightly awkward blip, and turned it into a fullblown drama...casting yourself as the noble heroine championing children's rights.

I think you may have given the wrong impression with your explanation of what you encourage her to do in certain circumstances. tbh.

Do some people merely come on these boards to find someone to snark at

Op I can understand you want to protect your nephew - however being asked to move was never going to cause him great harm hun

I have my own seat, and If I got out of it temporarily and someone else jumped in it, I would feel uncomfortable sitting elsewhere.

Men like to feel the king of their castle, and presumably he is assisting towards paying the mortgage or rent so will feel he can sit wherever he pleases

Ok well I'm not here to defend my parenting.
I respect her, she respects me. She's more than just a child, she has likes and dislikes, I encourage her to be kind and considerate which she is but I will never allow anyone to treat her like a dog based on her age. That's all I was trying to say

agree with all of MaQueen latest post. You created the drama with your dp. There was no problem.

My dp is no mardy spoilt bastard either, he does most of the housework and the cooking!
( so did my father) all the people that split it between them

AND the title was just a rant when I was feeling miffed.

OP if you are providing a bit of a peaceful haven for your poor nephew, then I'm afraid you don't get to be miffed or hissy.

As an adult, it's incumbent on you to maintain a nice, calm, positive environment for your nephew whilst he's staying with you. It's the very least you can do.

It's incredibly self indulgent and immature to create even more drama and upset for him, just because you're feeling righteous and want to score points off your DP.

Ha! I think my husband would have spotted him, gestured with his thumb and said "Oy! Shift!", child would have gggled and shifted. He's great with children and friends are often amused to see him trailed by their own or sat intently playing with the host's child, while the rest of us have pre-dinner drinks.
He wouldn't say that to adult guests but I suppose we don't treat children like adults, in some ways they get the jammy side because they are prioritised in most respects, but once they are over the toddler stage, they cede place to adults when it comes to seating and food: so that guests have first pick, then adults, then children. Obviously if food were scarce I'd prioritise the children, I'm just talking about them learning to wait for adults or guests to be served first. Whoever is dishing up (me or DH) actually serves themselves last.
Also although if I haven't planned yet, I might have asked my children what they fancy for dinner, normally they just get what my OH or I have planned and cooked, same for all. I know other families where the mum asks the children what they want and often end up preparing different things for each each child. They didn't have eat things they didn't like or clear their plates though.
I also prompted my older children to offer their seats on public transport to elderly passengers or people carrying small children, I do it myself too but when travelling with them prompted them if necessary.
It's far from treating them like second class citizens, it's just teaching them basic manners, respect and self control. I know they were great guests at their little friends' houses, other parents always commented, and they certainly weren't cowed, they were very articulate and confident.

Oh come on!!! I just didn't see the need for nephew to be made to move!!! Massive over reaction

But asking a child nicely to move,making certain decisions for them due to their age, limiting their choices between something a parent is comfortable with (i.e. Would you like the blue or purple coat? But she is wearing a fucking coat because it's -2 degrees) etc is not treating them like a dog. It's treating them like a child which is what they are!

Is your OH actually a shitty parent/person around children or you're just making a point?

P.s. I find it funny how you approve of his dad's attitude towards your OH,but disapprove of his attitude towards children.

Yes, quite correct OP you did indulge in a massive over reaction. When you're in charge of a child, the child tends to find it hugely reassuring when you behave like a responsible adult.

There's only one person over-reacting on here, OP, and you'll find the details right there in your first post!

Oh, apart from that silly twit who talked about vile behaviour.

All the adults in our family treat the kids with respect, but the kids would always have been expected/encouraged to move seats for an older person.
I'd be horrified if I saw either of my two lounging around in a comfy armchair whilst their grandparents (or any adult) made do with a hard chair or the floor.
When they were younger, that might have been a jokey, "oi, matey, I was sitting there," or "would you let Grandma sit down please?" They would leap up. Job done. No abuse! Equally, I would give up my seat as an example too.

OP you completely overreacted and if your nephew feels bad, that would be because of how you reacted.

If you let children know they can be disrespectful to adults if they don't bow down and worship them, you are just storing up trouble for yourself

Ha! I think my husband would have spotted him, gestured with his thumb and said "Oy! Shift!" ... He wouldn't say that to adult guests but I suppose we don't treat children like adults

Adults would also never sit in a chair vacated to go to the bathroom - other than in very informal settings where they probably would get told to move, or at least some other jokey comment about jumping in grave or similar. And the reason adults don't do it, is because people learn that it's rude by being told when they're kids - exactly as here!

I also don't think you'd be doing your nephew any favours by treating him as anything other than "normal" in your house. A child who is experiencing chaos in his home life needs normality and boundaries more than anything. A light-hearted "Out you get - I was sitting there" is entirely acceptable. It was your over-reaction that created any angst.

I certainly wouldn't expect her to show any kindness or good manners back.