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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if all men are just mardy arse spoilt bastards??

253 replies

ricecrispies16 · 27/12/2016 23:49

Or is it just mine?

He's grown up around women - his mum, softer than soft - wiped his arse for him up until 2 years ago when I met him - 3 sisters, all of which worship the ground he walks in and he can do no wrong because he's the baby of the family... well somehow now he's my baby to deal with and I can't be arsed with it. I can't work out if I'm just being ignorant or he really is just a spoilt twat?!

My 9yo nephew is here with me for a few days starting today - going through an awful lot at home, social services involvement etc dp comes home all is well until he gets up to do something, comes back a few mins later and nephew has come back to the lounge and sat in the seat dp was in. I hear dp asking him to move, I ask what's up, dp says it's nothing. I go back out and when I come back nephew has moved and dp is sat there. I asked if he'd made nephew move, he says again "I was sitting there" so I explain that he wasn't sat there so nephew chose to sit there, he shouldn't have made him move. Dp then gives a loooooong sigh and starts to move saying here you sit there if it's really that important. Then falls out with me.

I just feel like it's as though he thinks children are below him. This isn't the first of incidents like this.

Was it me being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/12/2016 10:27

Maybe many of us wouldn't have jumped into someone else's seat in someone else's house in the first place at that age?

longdiling · 28/12/2016 10:30

We're not talking about a special seat though are we? We're talking about him having sat there first then left the room. If someone asked me to move and I was a guest, I'd not make a big deal of it but I'd think it a bit rude to be honest. If there are other seats to sit on why 'baggsy' one specific one? Why does it matter?

MrsKoala · 28/12/2016 10:31

Did he 'jump into his seat' tho? the way i read it he walked into an empty room and sat down. How would he know that's where his uncle had been sitting? If he was sitting in a different chair and when his uncle left he moved to his chair - that would be rude, but i don't think thats what happened??

JustanotherMortificado · 28/12/2016 10:33

Have not gave!

badabing36 · 28/12/2016 10:39

Actually I think the sexist thing was when she blamed the dp's mother and sisters for him being a baby. Without even mentioning his dad. He's a fully grown man, he can make his own choices.

I have a soft mother and 3 older sisters who, presumably, love me but I don't feel the need to turf children out of 'my' seatHalo. But then again I have ovaries.

Anyway, I think you were overreacting a bit. But that I think that is understandable based on what you said about your dn's situation. But...

It doesn't matter if strangers on the internet think you

badabing36 · 28/12/2016 10:41

Oops posted to soon.

You think your dp is a spoilt brat. You know him a lot better than we do. Why are you with someone like that?

SnatchedPencil · 28/12/2016 10:44

YABU. You're basing your judgement of 50% (ish) of the planet's population on a handful of men you've met. This is frankly outrageous - imagine if someone said "all Mexicans are thieves" based on their experience of one Mexican person.

All men are not "just mardy arse spoilt bastards," at least no more than all us women are spiteful, two-faced bitches (oh, hang on...). You have problems with your partner, fair enough, maybe you should try to deal with them or remove yourself from the situation - but don't make offensive generalisations based on one individual!

FrancisCrawford · 28/12/2016 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BravoPanda · 28/12/2016 11:11

Why are you with someone who is A. Clearly a total bellend and B. Has a totally different (and wanky) outlook?

BravoPanda · 28/12/2016 11:14

SnatchedPencil get a bloody grip Grin it's tongue in cheek not a sweeping generalisation. Go back to reading the Guardian, hey? Some of you lot baffle the fuck out of me. Hilarious.

RebelRogue · 28/12/2016 11:40

Regardless of who is right or wrong,you disagree on parenting and how children should be treated,you think he's a mardy arse spoilt bastard,and don't seem to respect him or his family much. Why are you still with him? How will things go once you have kids of your own?

thatdearoctopus · 28/12/2016 11:55

Well, some of the responses on this thread have gone a long way to explaining the problem we have in schools today with some children's entitled behaviour.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2016 11:58

Worra - I don't agree that I've made myself sound ridiculous in my title, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't be the first woman to have a moan about her partner! And I've seen much worse on here.

Can you really not see how sexist you are, or are you just willfully ignoring it? Confused

The whole thread title and everything about your DP being raised by females is completely sexist.

The ironic part is this little boy is also being raised with an Aunt who rushes into the room, to molly coddle him because he was simply asked to move from a chair.

Yet you ask if all men are spoilt bastards?

alltouchedout · 28/12/2016 12:07

Crikey, some of you are precious about seats. Must be a bundle of laughs living with you lot.

TooMuchChocOrange · 28/12/2016 12:10

See, I WANT to say YABU and wrong. That is what I WANT to believe.

However, if I was to give an answer based on my actual experience of men in my personal life and my family and friend's experience of men, I would actually say you are NBU, you are 100% actually correct!

On mumsnet you read about all these men sharing all of the housework / finances / childcare / free time etc equally without complaint but where on Earth are these men in real life? I've never met one. In my experience men feel entitled to free time and rest whenever they feel like it and, if they do any childcare or housework, they feel like they are 'helping' and want loads of fucking praise.

Why so much difference between the men I have met and the mythical mumsnet male creature?

thatdearoctopus · 28/12/2016 12:20

Must be the circles you move in,chocorange, because it's the other way round for me.

I don't know any couples whereby the men don't pull their weight.

leaveittothediva · 28/12/2016 12:23

The first part of your thread explains it all really, this is why you massively over reacted to the child being asked to move. Your dp is loved by his family, you have a massive problem seeing this. You are just looking for any excuse to have a go at him.?. Don't you think your nephew has enough on his plate without him seeing you two playing silly beggars?. Grow up.

Original poster
ricecrispies16 · 28/12/2016 12:23

So me saying he's spoilt by his mum and sisters makes me sexist? It's fact. I haven't mentioned his dad because his dad doesn't Pussyfoot around him. He's said himself that he's the baby of the family and his sisters are "very protective" of him. It's taken me a long time to show him how to do anything! When he moved in with me he didn't even know that beds need changing. He's had his whole life watching people bend over backwards for him, so I try not to do it because I'm not his mum (or sister).

OP posts:
badabing36 · 28/12/2016 12:26

Ok then, I'll ask again why are you with him?

gamerchick · 28/12/2016 12:27

he definitely would not have told me to move. It's not HIS seat

There's probably a reason for that, I can see the stern face and the folded arms now Grin

RebelRogue · 28/12/2016 12:33

TooMuch my dad. He made breakfast and coffee for me and mum every morning. He'd wake up early and wait for her to come home with breakfast every morning,then sent her to bed while keeping me entertained. They mostly worked around eachother so he did half of bottles,baths,putting to bed,nappy changes. He thought me how to read way before i started school. He was the one that attended every parent teacher meeting for 12 years,and the one that normally came into school if there was an issue. He did all the food shopping. He cleaned and cooked.
He had his faults,and could be a bit of a dick sometimes but so was mum.

My partner...i cook,he does the dishes. If he's home in time he'll do homework and bedtime. Every weekend he will take dd out to spend time with her and give me a day of rest. His money pays the mortgage and all bills,my money is for treats for all of us,and whatever extras we might need. He'd do more,but he comes home late and most things need to be done by then. If i can't be arsed to cook,he'll cook himself. He'd never moan the house is a tip or that there's no food or whatever.
Last time i was ill he blitzed the whole house and then took dd out so i could properly rest without worrying about it or trying to do it myself. He encourages me to go out and he'll cancel plans if he forgot i had smth planned and he planned smth as well.
Yes he has his fault and can be a dick sometimes,but so do i.

FrancisCrawford · 28/12/2016 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LagunaBubbles · 28/12/2016 12:53

I can't believe people actually have "their" seat! Get a fucking grip!

Dont need a fucking grip actually... got my fucking chair!

FrancisCrawford · 28/12/2016 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooMuchChocOrange · 28/12/2016 12:54

I take it back, I think my partner's father may be one of the mythical mumsnet males.

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