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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if all men are just mardy arse spoilt bastards??

253 replies

ricecrispies16 · 27/12/2016 23:49

Or is it just mine?

He's grown up around women - his mum, softer than soft - wiped his arse for him up until 2 years ago when I met him - 3 sisters, all of which worship the ground he walks in and he can do no wrong because he's the baby of the family... well somehow now he's my baby to deal with and I can't be arsed with it. I can't work out if I'm just being ignorant or he really is just a spoilt twat?!

My 9yo nephew is here with me for a few days starting today - going through an awful lot at home, social services involvement etc dp comes home all is well until he gets up to do something, comes back a few mins later and nephew has come back to the lounge and sat in the seat dp was in. I hear dp asking him to move, I ask what's up, dp says it's nothing. I go back out and when I come back nephew has moved and dp is sat there. I asked if he'd made nephew move, he says again "I was sitting there" so I explain that he wasn't sat there so nephew chose to sit there, he shouldn't have made him move. Dp then gives a loooooong sigh and starts to move saying here you sit there if it's really that important. Then falls out with me.

I just feel like it's as though he thinks children are below him. This isn't the first of incidents like this.

Was it me being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LotsoNumbers · 28/12/2016 08:23

Agree with worra, you popping back in to question your DP is something you would do to kids left alone.

Maybe you should stop treating your DP like he's a kid and he might grow up a bit

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/12/2016 08:36

I am still very much bemused by why a grown man would have caused such a ferfuffle by a visiting 9 year old boy sitting in his seat

It is OPs that has caused the ferfuffle not the DP.

gamerchick · 28/12/2016 08:36

Man I hear twilight zone music on this thread Grin

Don't you see that you're calling your husband a spoilt brat in one breath then treated your husband like a kid yourself with the other OP?

sherazade · 28/12/2016 08:46

What I find interesting is how the op is blaming the behaviour she clearly abhors on the fact that her dp grew up in an all female environment . I think this is deeply mysogynistic .

BathshebaNewYearStone · 28/12/2016 08:47

Is your DH Sheldon? Xmas Grin

TheNaze73 · 28/12/2016 08:49

Ask yourself, what sort of vile shit speaks to a child like this?

Overreaction of 2016 Biscuit

FrancisCrawford · 28/12/2016 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sirfredfredgeorge · 28/12/2016 08:57

I agree that children should be treated as equal when you can, however you should always point out major social faux pas to them, either directly with an explanation, or through light social chastisement. So they don't feature the more serious in the future.

As a guest, you always ask which chairs are the hosts, and choose another, you also don't steal a temporarily left seat, that's a (very,very minor) point of etiquette kids need to learn. They learn it by being asked to move when they break it.

gamerchick · 28/12/2016 08:57

Well apparently I do. 'My' seat was vacated like magic when I came downstairs and I didn't have to say anything at all. Maybe your bloke needs to work on that and you'll be oblivious OP Wink

TheSlaughterOfHerodificado · 28/12/2016 09:04

In our house if you leave a seat to go to the loo, you usually come down to find a dog on it. It is traditional to perch on the edge of the chair and insist that one is "quite comfortable, thank you". Family often end up sitting on the floor as canines lounge about on the furniture.

Except for my DS who will even move a CAT (much to our horror - our cats are both vicious) for a seat. The animals hate him.

Pollyanna9 · 28/12/2016 09:16

Haven't read absolutely all pps but most. I'm getting the impression that OP was concerned/peed off whatever because there was an element of dominance to her DP asking the boy to move out of the seat.

Had it been a scenario of that couple's child who regularly takes 'someone elses' seat, that would be a subtle but important difference. Add on top you've got a child who's going through some serious issues at the moment - it puts quite a different light on it (to me anyway).

If the tendency to 'just tell kids to do it and they have to do it' is something OP says she was already aware of.

Btw, I've got no problem with children 'being told what to do'. No problem at all. But possibly one would expect the guy in this specific situation to tailor his behaviour in light of the DCs current situation.

Maybe an appropriately sensitive male adult wouldn't have moved that child - not to treat them like a snowflake, but to remove ANY chance of making them feel awkward and thus adding to their stress/making them feel uncomfortable.

longdiling · 28/12/2016 09:17

I agree that the Op made a massive deal about nothing and the scenario she has described hardly makes him the arsehole her title describes.

However, all this insistence on a particular seat reminds me of a difficult child I used to childmind. She used to insist that if she had sat on a particular seat at any one time then it was basically hers for the rest of the day. God, the arguments that would occur if anyone else mistakenly sat in 'her' chair. It didn't matter how long she had left the chair for; minutes or half an hour it was 'hers'. This strange chair entitlement even seemed to extend to being out and about, I took them all to a cafe for a cake and she freaked out because someone sat in a chair that she'd wanted to sit it in. She wasn't a toddler by the way, she was 9.

elodie2000 · 28/12/2016 09:20

Would he ask another adult to move? No? Then he is a twat.

Original poster
ricecrispies16 · 28/12/2016 09:42

Ok so let's put it like this.... let's say it was me who sat in his seat, he definitely would not have told me to move. It's not HIS seat, we sit anywhere, we don't have specified seats....

Livia - do you disagree that children should be treated as equal then? Why shouldn't they be? Why should they be made to feel inferior in any case? I wouldn't allow my own children to feel inferior to an adult so why would I allow it with my nephew?

Also, sexist is a strong word, im really not sexist.

Worra - I don't agree that I've made myself sound ridiculous in my title, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't be the first woman to have a moan about her partner! And I've seen much worse on here.

I've heard him say before "I'm the adult, you're the child" where do we all stand with that?

Yes, children need rules and discipline, however, I personally believe they deserve choice and respect. A child will treat you as you treat them.

OP posts:
derxa · 28/12/2016 09:52

We all have our seats in this house. Otherwise it just feels wrong.

OP Your DN would feel a lot more comfortable in your house if both the adults in it treated each other with respect,

FrancisCrawford · 28/12/2016 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/12/2016 09:57

Children aren't equal - they need more care, guidance and discipline. Would you put your partner on the naughty step or send them to their room etc if their behaviour had been unacceptable? No? Is it acceptable to force an adult to clean their teeth? No but many people post on here about having to hold their toddler down to do it. Children have different needs. So of course they aren't equal - it's that type of attitude that can produce entitled little shits looking at you cousin

Given your op is entitled 'AIBU To wonder if all men are just mardy arse spoilt bastards??', that sounds pretty sexist to me. Your DH's behaviour has nothing to do with his sex

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/12/2016 10:01

Actually it is fine to say 'I am the adult, you are the child'. Because it's true. Adults have responsibility for caring for the child and that sometimes means making them do stuff that they don't want to do.

Anyone who jumps into someone's temporarily vacated seat is bloody rude - and actually children generally are able to sit on the floor more
comfortably than adults.

Pagwatch · 28/12/2016 10:11

I have asked my children to move sometimes. I'm older than them. I had three children and my back hurts sometimes. My daughter is 14 and so bendy she can lie across a footstool and be comfy. We all sit anywhere and I tend to sit after guests but it's not a big deal is it?
I don't have a problem asking children to squish around adults sometimes. They'll understand when they too occasionally make 'ooof' noises when they stand up.

The whole incident is much less dramatic than the op seemed to want it to be.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/12/2016 10:12

I've heard him say before "I'm the adult, you're the child" where do we all stand with that?

Nothing wrong with it. It's stating the truth!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/12/2016 10:13

I don't agree that I've made myself sound ridiculous in my title, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't be the first woman to have a moan about her partner!

That's not what your title says though iso it. You have made a sweeping untrue generalisation.

MrsKoala · 28/12/2016 10:18

If i sat in a chair that was empty and i hadn't seen anyone sit in it immediately before, and someone who lived here came in and asked me to move, i'd think they were joking and if they weren't i'd think they had lost their minds and i'd say no in an incredulous tone and refer them to the other available seats.

If i was a guest and that happened i would move with a shocked face on and think they were a right cock.

I've never lived in a home where people have their own places to sit. It sounds strange.

HemanOrSheRa · 28/12/2016 10:20

Thank you TheNaze73. I shall wear today with pride and eat it later as a snack.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/12/2016 10:21

Although that has reminded me of the time a relative was visiting. She sat down and the cat sat in front of her staring. She said 'oh look he loves me'. Err no, you are sitting in his chair Grin

JustanotherMortificado · 28/12/2016 10:25

I can't believe people actually gave "their" seat! Get a fucking grip! It's something kids argue with each other over, what's the point being precious just sit the fuck down.

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