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Original poster

To wonder if all men are just mardy arse spoilt bastards??

253 replies

ricecrispies16 · 27/12/2016 23:49

Or is it just mine?

He's grown up around women - his mum, softer than soft - wiped his arse for him up until 2 years ago when I met him - 3 sisters, all of which worship the ground he walks in and he can do no wrong because he's the baby of the family... well somehow now he's my baby to deal with and I can't be arsed with it. I can't work out if I'm just being ignorant or he really is just a spoilt twat?!

My 9yo nephew is here with me for a few days starting today - going through an awful lot at home, social services involvement etc dp comes home all is well until he gets up to do something, comes back a few mins later and nephew has come back to the lounge and sat in the seat dp was in. I hear dp asking him to move, I ask what's up, dp says it's nothing. I go back out and when I come back nephew has moved and dp is sat there. I asked if he'd made nephew move, he says again "I was sitting there" so I explain that he wasn't sat there so nephew chose to sit there, he shouldn't have made him move. Dp then gives a loooooong sigh and starts to move saying here you sit there if it's really that important. Then falls out with me.

I just feel like it's as though he thinks children are below him. This isn't the first of incidents like this.

Was it me being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
ricecrispies16 · 28/12/2016 00:26

Daisy - exactly that, I feel ver strongly that children shouldn't be treated as anything less than equal

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/12/2016 00:27

If your boyfriend stared at an adult female who unwittingly sat down in 'his seat' and said "I was sitting there" everyone would agree he was indeed a mardy arse spoilt bastard.

Bollocks would they.

If (for example) I'm sitting watching TV and I go to the loo, only to return and find my DH sat in my seat, of course I'd ask him to move.

And like any normal person who has sat in someone else's seat (that they've only left for a few minutes) he'd say "Oh sorry" and move.

But perhaps I'm bringing too much...you know 'real life, normal stuff' to this thread, instead of living in the Mumsnet hysteria bubble....

Sizzledsticks · 28/12/2016 00:28

OP I also ask my children to move sometimes if I want my seat back. I also put myself in countless ways for them and more often than not put their needs above mine. This incident you're mentioning doesn't seem to amount to a big deal and I don't think it shows, on its own, that your dh thinks children are below him.

I wouldn't have interfered in this situation. Your DP wasn't being abusive or offensive. I think your actions made your Dn uncomfortable- because your DP wouldn't have had to sigh etc if you hadn't interfered. It really sounds like you are treating your partner like a child by telling him off in this way. If you feel your dn is that sensitive, you could have brought it up with your DP later, not in front of your dn.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 28/12/2016 00:29

Ah I see OP!

My Seat is mine because it has my bum print in it and also I like to lean to the right slightly to get comfy, so I'm resting on the arm. DH likes to sit up straight like he's got a stick up his arse so sits in the middle on the other couch. I Honestly think if either of us sat elsewhere our gravitation pull would go all to pot and we'd end up face down on the floor.

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 00:30

I don't think telling anyone to move from their seat to another seat is treating them like a second class citizen.

Of course it is! What gives anyone the right to turf anyone out of a seat in those circs?

The DP wouldn't have done it to an adult female I'd bet..

RebelRogue · 28/12/2016 00:30

OP seriously this is a non issue,and creating conflict and unnecessary anxiety over nothing won't help your nephew. If you have real issues with your oh,deal with those,don't hide behind a boy who shock!horror! Had to swap seats,and maybe even offered to swap the frikking seats.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 28/12/2016 00:31

On a serious note though OP, do you feel like you're well matched? Could you see yourself having children with him? Do you both want children? If you don't agree on the little things now there's a very big risk that, come parenthood, it will all go to shit

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/12/2016 00:32

If your boyfriend stared at an adult female who unwittingly sat down in 'his seat' and said "I was sitting there" everyone would agree he was indeed a mardy arse spoilt bastard.

Errrrr no they wouldn't as posters on this thread have said.

Talk about ott.

caroldecker · 28/12/2016 00:33

He may be going through lots, but it helps him to be treated as a normal human being. Being asked to move is not abuse, and you coming in and moving them again just highlights the problem and embarrasses everyone. You should apologize to both of them.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 28/12/2016 00:33

Of course it is! What gives anyone the right to turf anyone out of a seat in those circs?

Because it's their seat that they always sit on in their own home. It's a seat FFS they're not being thrown out into the snow to sleep outside 🙄

I guess half the people on this thread who make their own kids move are treating their children like second class citizens?

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 00:33

If (for example) I'm sitting watching TV and I go to the loo, only to return and find my DH sat in my seat, of course I'd ask him to move.

Would you ask someone who didn't know it was your seat, a guest in your home who is there as refuge from difficulties at home?

pregnantat50 · 28/12/2016 00:33

i was trying to imagine a different scenario, say for example your DP gets up from his seat to answer the door to a neighbour, the neighbour is invited in and offerred a seat...to which your DP says, "not there thats my seat, can you move please"...now in a way Op has a point I cant imagine anyone treating an adult guest like that so it is age relevant

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2016 00:33

Daisy - exactly that, I feel ver strongly that children shouldn't be treated as anything less than equal

Equal to what?

A rude, mannerless arsehole who jumps in someone's seat, in their own home and refuses to move, because they had the audacity to leave it for a few minutes?

If that's how you want him to grow up, then crack on.

But you've no right to moan about other women treating your DP like a child, when you check up on him from another room, just like you've left two kids alone....

RebelRogue · 28/12/2016 00:34

Daisy i ask both DD and OH to move from my spot because well..it's my spot,it has my chargers and other things i might need on hand and i'm lazy Grin

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 00:35

Because it's their seat that they always sit on in their own home.

Unless said seat is glued to your arse a guest is not to know that, are they?

OP - is it his extra special chair that he alone is allowed to sit in?! Hmm

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2016 00:37

Daisy what are you talking about 'refuge' for?

The kid's visiting his Aunt. His Aunt's DP asked him to move to another seat because he was sitting in it just a few minutes ago.

End of non drama as far as most normal people are concerned.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 28/12/2016 00:37

At the end of the day your DH can sit where he likes in his own house- your nephew is there as a guest, whether invited or forced.

DH had been in a seat and got up to do something, is this like a childish game if on your feet you lose your seat- maybe DH doesn't think like that and wants to sit in the chair he was sitting in?

Why is nephew staying with you? Is the reason anything to do with neglect I've parenting where he has an issue with ground rules (not saying it is nephews fault)

Is this an isolated incident or is it one of many? Maybe your partners reaction is because he doesn't like care if nephew being foisted upon him and it appears that nephew has more rights in his home than he does? Has it been discussed with your partner re he nephew coming to stay?

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 00:38

RebelRogue but it's a guest in the home - who is specifically there to be looked after. Imagine it was an adult being told to move - even though there are other seats available. The DP would appear unhinged.

1DAD2KIDS · 28/12/2016 00:39

I asume we also recognise/know that the premis for the title question is ridiculous? I obviously assume likewise that the poster knows this too?

If not then I am both speechless and worried.

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 00:39

Daisy what are you talking about 'refuge' for?

The OP states:-

My 9yo nephew is here with me for a few days starting today - going through an awful lot at home, social services involvement etc

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 00:40

And then later

My logic is he's going through enough just let him have the sodding seat

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 28/12/2016 00:41

I can't imagine it's helpful to treat a child going through difficulties at home like they're made of China and tiptoeing round their every whim. He probably wants to be treated like a normal child and OP highlighting the lack of special snowflake treatment has likely made him feel worse.

RebelRogue · 28/12/2016 00:45

Daisy he was asked to move the first time,not told,not ordered. Depending on how OH asked then it could very well have been in a nice polite way,which is fine. Since OP got involved as soon as she heard it,her OH could've asked nicely again and the kid didn't mind,or also possible the kid offered the seat back. You guys are making it sound like the poor kid was ordered off the sofa and sent in the corner.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2016 00:46

Again Daisy what are you going on about 'refuge' for? You do realise kids whose parents need SS involvement are normally perfectly at liberty to kip round their aunts? Confused Unless there's a serious reason not to, which the OP hasn't mentioned?

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 00:52

OP insinuates that her nephew is staying in order to escape what's going on at home, i.e. she's providing a temporary refuge from all of that..

In any case, I still maintain that turfing anyone out of a seat simply because you want it, is selfish 'mardy arse' behaviour.

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