Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to visit George Michaels house

227 replies

jazzy57uk · 27/12/2016 23:11

I am a MASSIVE fan of 30+ years, have every record, TV/radio appearance and clippings galore. I am devastated by his death and would like to visit his London home to say goodbye. OH says is childish, pathetic and not appropriate- it's a private matter that should only be for people who actually knew him. I know he'll be massively disappointed if a go but I'll regret it if I don't. WWYD?

OP posts:
MaQueen · 28/12/2016 20:57

I don't need to be any kind of expert to know that you can't genuinely grieve for someone you don't know and have never met.

You can feel sadness, yes. But 'genuine' grief... 'genuinely' heartbroken. I don't think so.

twinklefoot · 28/12/2016 21:10

I believe it is grief - of a time lost and the person is just a figurehead for that period. It is still genuine grief though. I'm not talking about people wailing and demonstrated their grief in a public fashion I'm not sure what that is all about.

Squeegle · 28/12/2016 21:12

Maqueen, surely you can understand that grief triggered by someone's death like this is composed of a number of elements, but it's complex, and nevertheless not to be mocked.

twinklefoot · 28/12/2016 21:23

Remember the Macaroon? Maqueen

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/12/2016 21:25

It's not grief at the loss of that individual but grief at the loss of a symbol or your youth. So I think it is a bit self absorbed. When David Bowie died I recognised that a symbol of my youth was gone and that I was getting older and I was sad his creativity has gone. I am sorry there won't be any more Terry Pratchett books because they always lifted my spirits. But I didn't grieve for either of them because any personal impact on me was down to the value I projected on to them not the people they really were as I never met either of them.

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2016 21:28

I am sad about it. I dug out my CDs and have them on in the car. I was a big fan back in the day.
But I can't say I had given much thought to GM for quite a while. Same for many others I would think.

Squeegle · 28/12/2016 21:29

I cried and cried at my cousin's husbands funeral. I didn't really know him very well, but I was overwhelmed with sadness at his children having to lead their lives fatherless. Sorrow is not always tied in with knowing someone intimately. A lot of the time it's symbolic and you're crying for a potential that is now stamped out. It's the cruelty and finality of death that hurts us all.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/12/2016 21:46

Give over Pola.

We all listen to music and, at some point in our lives, use it to channel our love, sadness and everyday boredom.

I was very upset when Kurt Cobain died but kept it together and didn't flop, have a day off through grief or plan to fly to Seattle to lay flowers . I was a teenager at the time but w just got on with it.

BillSykesDog · 28/12/2016 22:03

I doubt it will affect the family much at all. The place is like a fortress and they'll only get near the gates at the main entrance. As I always understood it the house has several entrances to avoid paps (because he used to have a lot of trouble with them) so any family will be able to come and go unmolested anyway. I also doubt it will bother the neighbours because their houses are similar and the immediate area always has a crowd of paps and has done for years as Kate Moss lives next door. It's not going to be that different from normal for the area. Same happened with Winehouse.

I understand why people mourn people they're big fans of. We have very disconnected communities these days but are very connected newswise. People often know just as much about someone famous and their life as they might have known about neighbours going back a few decades.

BillSykesDog · 28/12/2016 22:04

(Winehouse didn't live in the area, was just mourned in a similar way)

MuchasSmoochas · 28/12/2016 22:15

Plus some of us are criers. I have cried at ads, GBBO, gladiators when someone shoe fell off 😀, so when I hear a GM song it literally sets me off. However I am not grieving, I just am sad. And when my dad died, I was back at work a week later having secret weeps in the loo but functioning fine. Pity the weepers! It's not our fault and can be v embarrassing.

Destinysdaughter · 28/12/2016 22:25

Here's a good article about why grieving celebrities is natural and healthy...

www.google.co.uk/amp/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_57190ba4e4b0d4d3f722974a/amp?client=safari

twinklefoot · 28/12/2016 22:32

Exactly.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 28/12/2016 22:37

I have decided I won't go and will donate to charity.

Good for you Jazzy.

If all the fans who are devastated by GM's death supported his charities instead of (or even as well as) going to the house, they could do a lot of good.

southeastdweller · 28/12/2016 22:38

The OP changed her tune pretty quickly Confused

Roussette · 29/12/2016 08:49

The OP changed her tune pretty quickly

Hardly surprising, it was a bonkers idea. Agree with Empress.. all those who feel it so much could really help the charities GM supported

KissingAFool · 29/12/2016 09:10

Even I wouldn't consider it! Glad you've seen sense OP

bonniegirl1964 · 29/12/2016 18:16

I think every individual should pay there respects that suits them,it isnt for any one else to judge how somebody wishes to do this.I myself am coming to London to pay my respects and lay a single rose as thats how i wish to do it.I think they are having two individual services one for family and close friends and something for the fans,but this doesnt mean that its not rite to visit his home,i mean you are not exactly going to be knocking on the door and asking for a cuppa.I think his close friends and family appreciate the support that has been shown.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/12/2016 18:25

How is that paying respects, bonniegirl? I really don't understand how that is in any way respectful. Let's be honest, it's about you; what you want to do and, whilst you think his close friends and family appreciate the support shown, you don't know that they welcome this at all.

It would be great to see the charities getting a positive hit from George's fans, rather than expensive flowers left to rot and having to cost more to be picked up and disposed of.

ForalltheSaints · 29/12/2016 18:28

I think the OP has made the right decision.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 29/12/2016 18:33

My best friend died from pancreatic cancer in October. I was genuinely heartbroken. So I'm currently raising funds for pancreatic cancer research in her memory.

It's still for purely selfish reasons. She'll know nothing about it, but it makes me feel better. And it's a hell of a lot more use than flowers.

Childline, Terrence Higgins, Macmillan, you've got plenty of choice.

Olympiathequeen · 29/12/2016 18:39

Go. You don't need to ask your husbands permission or have his approval.

It does make you feel closer and gives you a kind of spiritual connection to be where someone you cared about lived.

Anyone who's visited special places (Stonehenge, pyramids, Bronte parsonage) understands the feeling.

Olympiathequeen · 29/12/2016 18:41

Just read. If the family are asking for privacy then don't.

morningtoncrescent62 · 29/12/2016 19:36

I have very mixed feelings about all this celebrity grief. A lot of it, I think, is hysteria whipped up by the press, and it makes me very uncomfortable. But I've felt sad at some of this year's deaths - Victoria Wood, Ed Stewart, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds in particular. I'm not grieving for them personally, as others have said. I didn't know them. But they were part of the backdrop of my life, and their deaths bring home to me my own mortality, the mortality of those I love and have loved, and the reality that everything changes, even the things I don't want to change. A lot of the people now going are (for me) the people in between my age and my parents' - as they leave us, it brings home to me that my generation will be next. So I'll be watching/listening to them, and shedding a tear or two, as 2016 comes to an end. I know it's selfish, and about me, but then grief usually is. And because I'll be marking their deaths in my own way, I think it's a bit much for me to tell others how they should be grieving, or for what.

I'm deeply suspicious of the 'look-at-me-how-upset-I-am' type of grief, which seems to be more of a media creation than anything else. Trouble is, I don't know how to distinguish it from the 'real' and I suspect there isn't a hard-and-fast line between them.

Glad the OP has made a decision she's comfortable with.

Roussette · 29/12/2016 21:36

It does make you feel closer and gives you a kind of spiritual connection to be where someone you cared about lived

I was such a fan of GM but really... I had no spiritual connection to him and I'm really not sure that any of his fans have. Where does a spiritual connection come from? He was an important part of my life, but I don't have it. He was a fantastic musician, a troubled soul, a wonderful bloke but there is no reason that I can think of to traipse to his home to lay flowers. What a great feeling it would be instead to donate the price of the flowers and the travel to McMillan or Terence Higgins, that to me is caring.

Swipe left for the next trending thread