Page 6 | DH can't even look up from computer game...

user1473602935 · 2016-12-27T21:45:43+00:00

Just got home from friends birthday OH is playing a game on the iPad and can't even look up to ask how my ever

shrunkenhead · 28/12/2016 21:10

Abe's World was great!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 28/12/2016 21:50

Crikey I'm so pleased that my DH isn't controlling over hobbies!

Of course some people allow hobbies to take over their lives, taking up loads of time, finances etc - but this isn't exclusive to gaming, and you can also game without being addicted. On Judge Rinder recently a wife was suing her husband for money back because he spent so much on his beer can collection. He spent every spare hour and penny tending to his beloved collection. I know loads of gamers with far healthier relationships with their hobby!

scottishdiem · 28/12/2016 21:54

real life interests

Uh? We don't live in a virtual reality. We live in real life. All our interests are real life.

daddyorscience · 28/12/2016 22:35

I've got a friend currently trying to get me back to playing C&C..Ha.. Memories. 2 player competitive Carmageddon was fun though. Or Blood, or Quake. Only when you could see the other person hurt, mind..

Mouseinahole · 28/12/2016 23:07

If I am reading and engrossed in my book I am totally unaware of my surroundings and wouldn't hear if anyone spoke to me unless they were very insistent. Fortunately dh understands.

dollydaydream114 · 28/12/2016 23:11

I'm not really into gaming but if I was in the middle of watching a film or a football match or something else that was really engrossing when my boyfriend got home I'd be waiting until it had finished before I had the whole 'So, did you have a nice evening?' conversation with him. And I wouldn't expect him to drop everything just because I'd walked into the room either; it seems a bit needy/insecure to me. If I was coming home from a funeral or a hospital appointment I'd expect him to ask how I was, obviously, but not from a friend's birthday party. Why should everything revolve around you and the time you get in? You were doing your thing, he was doing his. I don't think you need to be so sensitive about this.

chilledwarmth · 28/12/2016 23:18

I used to be a gamer and my girlfriend at the time understood that sometimes I wouldn't be able to look up and talk if something serious was going down in game. I could potentially be talking and listening to dozens of gang members on voice chat in a situation where we needed heavy coordination and be completely focused on the matter at hand or we'd lose that fight. It simply wasn't possible to "pause" in those circumstances just to say hi. My girlfriend understood and said that if I was trying to talk to her when she was in the middle of a call, she would make me wait too.

Megatherium · 29/12/2016 08:41

I think people are missing the point. This isn't just a matter of failing to ask about OP's evening, her OH isn't even looking up from the game to acknowledge her.

chilledwarmth · 29/12/2016 21:31

Hey Megatherium. Sometimes depending on what is happening in the game it really isn't possible to be distracted even for a split second to say hi. There are some times when you need complete concentration, even looking away briefly to say hello could have major consequences. I stopped gaming a few years ago now but I totally understand this because I can remember it. It's hard to explain but you could be talking and listening to dozens of team mates coordinating a fight where everyone needs to be completely focused on their role or they'll get the entire team killed.

chilledwarmth · 29/12/2016 21:31

Hey Megatherium. Sometimes depending on what is happening in the game it really isn't possible to be distracted even for a split second to say hi. There are some times when you need complete concentration, even looking away briefly to say hello could have major consequences. I stopped gaming a few years ago now but I totally understand this because I can remember it. It's hard to explain but you could be talking and listening to dozens of team mates coordinating a fight where everyone needs to be completely focused on their role or they'll get the entire team killed.

chilledwarmth · 29/12/2016 21:33

Hey Megatherium. Sometimes depending on what is happening in the game it really isn't possible to be distracted even for a split second to say hi. There are some times when you need complete concentration, even looking away briefly to say hello could have major consequences. I stopped gaming a few years ago now but I totally understand this because I can remember it. It's hard to explain but you could be talking and listening to dozens of team mates coordinating a fight where everyone needs to be completely focused on their role or they'll get the entire team killed.

chilledwarmth · 29/12/2016 21:34

Ok not sure how that happened

Sybys · 29/12/2016 22:29

Tbf we don't know whether or not he acknowledged the OP, just that he didn't look up from the screen (although as others have said, some games do require your full attention at times).

I used to play some games that required close to my full attention. I wouldn't play when DP around, so as not to bore her. If she appeared whilst I was mid-game, I'd say hello but wouldn't look away from the screen until there was a convenient opportunity to do so. I don't think this ever caused upset or was unreasonable on my behalf.

HeadDreamer · 29/12/2016 23:25

I think some posters here don't understand games. I used to play world of Warcraft. No way I would be saying hi if I'm in a raid. 24 other people are relying on me actually paying attention to the fight or we wipe.

RazWaz · 29/12/2016 23:29

If I was on the phone I wouldn't be expected to talk to someone who just came home, so why are the 5 people I'm playing a game with "lesser".

They are real people who I have made a commitment to, to play a game with for the next "x" amount of time, and by leaving before that time is over I screw up the plans for all of us and waste all of our time.

It would be rude to just hang up a phone call halfway through a conversation, and it's rude to leave a game halfway through.

Both my and my OH play, and if we want to talk while the other is playing we quickly say "let me know when you have a break".

SaucyJack · 29/12/2016 23:35

I think people do get that Megatherium.

It's just that if it's something that happens infrequently, within an otherwise happy and respectful relationship, it's a total non-event TBH.

And I don't even play games that are any more complicated than snake.

Meh.

SaucyJack · 29/12/2016 23:41

I think people do get that Megatherium.

It's just that if it's something that happens infrequently, within an otherwise happy and respectful relationship, it's a total non-event TBH.

And I don't even play games that are any more complicated than snake.

Meh.

TheStoic · 30/12/2016 06:53

God, what a depressing scenario. If my relationship disintegrates to the point we don't even greet each other, I will take it out the back and shoot it.

Ragwort · 30/12/2016 08:32

I think some posters here don't understand games. - understatement of the year - many of us don't understand gaming just as many people don't understand/appreciate other people's hobbies and interests.

There is always an element of 'sneering' from some people about certain hobbies - whether it is gaming, train spotting, cycling or being a Scout Leader - just to mention a few examples .

Naicehamshop · 30/12/2016 09:35

I think that the real problem with gaming is that for some (many) people it is not something that can be easily fitted in around other parts of their lives. Other hobbies can be relatively easily put down for a while and so don't impact so much on relationships/ family life; and please don't tell me about the football players/ beer can collectors/ mud snorklers who are totally obsessed - most hobbies are not brought into the home and demanding of so much time and attention as gaming.

I have an aquaintance who is a teacher at a boys' school. He says that he regularly sees boys becoming more and more obsessed with gaming, to the extent that they are playing all night and are unable to concentrate and work during the day. He feels that gaming is so addictive that it is taking over and ruining children's lives.

Adults have more self control (in theory) but I know of relationships that have been ruined for just the sort of thing the op has described - and I know that if my OH was unable to say hello because he was so obsessed with a game I would lose all respect for him.

TheInternetIsForPorn · 30/12/2016 11:20

But obsession with gaming that's detrimental to life, and playing sensible amounts but being engrossed at that particular moment are different. Compare it with books. Being engrossed in a chapter so you are oblivious is the same as being engrossed in a level or battle say. It has a natural end. When you reach the end you stop.

Being so obsessed you carry on and never stop to be part of life, that's obsession.

People sometimes seem determined that there is no distinction in gaming. But there is. The same as anything else.

CherrySkull · 30/12/2016 18:05

it shouldn't matter than our hobby doesn't take us out of the home. We have as much right to enjoy it without being expected to drop it for a needy spouse as anyone would if they went out of the home.

DH goes to band practise twice a week. Should i rock up to his studio and get pissed off when he won't walk out on his band mates to deal with me?

Naicehamshop · 30/12/2016 19:17

No, because that's a completely different situation Cherry, as I'm sure you realise.

scottishdiem · 30/12/2016 19:25

Why is it different though Naicehamshop? Seems a good comparison to me.

CherrySkull · 30/12/2016 19:25

actually, no it isn't.

If i've prearranged to be available to do a particular scene with 7 other people, then i should be able to expect to be allowed to get one with it uninterrupted.

The fact that i'm sat on my couch in the living room, rather than in a studio, or an office, or out of the house, shouldn't make a blind bit of difference. DH shouldn't expect me to stop what i'm doing to give him my attention and ask him how his night out was!