DH can't even look up from computer game...

[user1473602935]

Just got home from friends birthday

OH is playing a game on the iPad and can't even look up to ask how my ever

Even with dc I find the time to game.

My computer is amazing, I have 4 screens with 32g of ram and a graphic card that can handle another 2 screen if I wish.

I take my hobby seriously.

OP do you wish you were from Porlock?

I am a gamer. A game I have on the I pad involves others. You can't just pause it and each round last 4.5 minutes.

I would finish what I was doing then ask dh about his day. Tbh I think expecting anyone to drop what they are doing immediately, when you walk in the house is unreasonable.

YANBU!!! My dh is an avid gamer all these real time games, smite, final fantasy etc. It is rude to ignore an ACTUAL person in your house, no one is saying stop what you are doing, quit the game etc but a simple "hi how was it? Will chat properly when I finish" makes a big difference.

I'm a gamer. I can at least acknowledge someone. Even if I garble 'justtwosecsthenicansave' or 'let me just pause' I at least acknowledge DH has spoken to me and stop asap.

I love gaming, I get engrossed, but winning a fake battle in a game is in no way more important than the person I love most. He's a gamer too, and operates the same way. Except he does car racing stuff that I find horribly tedious 😀

My God - there are actual grown up people on here who are so obsessed with gaming that they can't say a simple "hello" to their partners??

I would think it was very rude if a teenager behaved like that tbh.

I am in the middle of a battle. Titan pilots take years to get into that ship, my corp members and alliance trust my judgement.

EveOnline2016

God this thread has made me even more determined to keep all games machines outside of the house forever. Nasty, insidious things.

If the kids want to play them at their mates houses I can't stop them but in this house, fuck that.

Op says he didn't ask how the party was. Not that he didn't say hello. That's starting a converstation. What's the point is starting a converstation you can't concentrate on?

Just wait until you can pause it and then have a converstation.

I am quite shocked that adults expect people to drop everything the minute they wall in the house tbh.

Might it help to think of it that DH isn't actually "at home" when gaming so you would no more expect him to stop and chat when you arrive home than you would expect him to stop what he is doing if out of the house to phone for a chat the second you send a 'just arrived home' text message. I don't think it is unreasonable to not pause the game for all the reasons up thread but this attitude would mean (a) he'd better not be gaming whilst also having any childcare responsibility and (b) he needs to do you the courtesy of letting you know when he will be back home (that is when he will stop) in advance, and stick to that.

I'm a birdwatcher ( only sort of now,no time,lost some of the skills,sadly). I've been known to hush up and freeze the entire family on a walk so I can check up on a noise I've heard.Which possibly is rude,but seems to me like the same thing as the gaming.
The thing is that unlike the conversation which doesn't actually have to happen right at that minute,the checking on the bird does,or it'll be gone.(Yes, family walks combine badly with that)
I wouldn't shush a distraught child so I could game/ look for a bird but I would pause/ignore normal adult chit chat!

My husband is a gamer. If I come home at a crucial point he'll say "hi, talk to you in a minute". There's no point trying to talk to him when he's playing, I'll get monosyllabic answers and he won't really be listening. Once he's passed the crucial point or finished a live game we'll chat.

I think it's actually rude to expect someone to drop what they're doing once you enter the house. You chose to go out and spend time away your partner (which is healthy) but you can't expect him to drop everything once you've decided you've finished.

I say that as someone who does get irritated at gamer husband being engrossed sometimes. But I recognise when I do I am being unfair. Game playing is very cerebrally challenging with puzzle solving aspects and strategy - I'm not a gamer but it's a valid hobby that has a lot of psychological benefits.

If he doesn't interact and talk to you much generally then that's a separate issue.

Your partner could acknowledge your return but depending on what they're playing I can completely understand not wanting to start a conversation.

Or maybe just doesn't care how the party went

Because I am in the middle of a battle. Titan pilots take years to get into that ship, my corp members and alliance trust my judgement.

[shocked] do people really talk like this?

you do know that it isn't real........?

you do know that it isn't real........?

Oh gee, really???

If it happens all the time and isn't followed up by a conversation once the game is finished, then I can understand your frustration. If it is only occasional and you communicate well otherwise (e.g., he doesn't text while you chat, etc), then take a deep breath and let it go (use it as time for yourself to unwind or for your own hobbies)

Or start gaming too and play against him!

I hate the "I'm home data dump"..

the minute my mother gets home before she even tales her coat off there is a 30 minute download of her trip to the bank, who she met on the bus, how Mrs Brown is having her veins done.

Oh and I are a quick hi, then wait until an appropriate time for chatting.
When I get it I just want to relax and not give anyone an account of my day.

My mother always gives my OH a " how was your day" chat as soon as he gets in from work. " Where have you been, who did you see, was it a hard day etc" My mother thinks she is being polite and showing an interest.
I can see my OH squirm and he usually scurries off to the kitchen to hide.

Anyone else worrying what happens when the gamer is so convinced the corp members and alliances who trust their judgment are real and important that they put their interests ahead of interacting with their children? Suppose it hadn't been OP coming in at that point but a child calling because he felt sick?

When I'm engrossed in a book, I actually don't hear when someone's talking to me. I'm not ignoring them, I genienly don't hear them. They'll repeat themselves 3 to 4 times and get louder each time before I actually hear them and I snap out of the book world that I was deeply engrossed in. I might not even notice when my OH comes in if I'm reading a good book.

Lunchbox - except it is, in the game Eveonline2016 refers to. Each of those pilots referred to is a real person, controlled by a player somewhere else in the world. It happens in real time and has no pause button. When there's something big going on, asking someone in a crucial role to step away and take out the bins right now would be like walking onto a football pitch and telling the goalie never mind the 10 players who rely on him, come out of your goal and talk to me.

I think gaming is one of those things that unless you are really into it you just can't understand it - I have never played a computer game in my life (my DS tried to show me FIFA once but I was bored senseless) and personally I can't imagine being in a relationship with an adult who is a gamer - yes, I am aware that makes me a massive snob.

But I have hobbies/interests that some of you would probably think are boring and tedious ........... but at least with my hobbies I always have time to talk & interact with real, live people .

This level of engrossment in online gaming brought my previous relationship to an end. I'm not sure if my ex was an extreme case but he sat for very many hours (like I'd go out for nightshift and find he was still playing when I got home). All I saw was the back of his head and it absolutely killed my feelings for him.
It's the OP's relationship. If she finds it rude and disrespectful then it is an issue.

but at least with my hobbies I always have time to talk & interact with real, live people

Online games involve playing with real live people. I play league of legends, each game takes about 40-50 minutes and while I could have a half arsed conversation, I couldn't stop or pause the game to do something else because my team mates are relying on me.

It depends what the person is playing. There was someone up thread who said she wouldn't talk while knitting if she was counting stitches, it's the same thing really.

What do you all do if your kids wake up or need something quickly? So bizarre to be completely checked out of socialising with your partner because of an imaginary battle.