DH can't even look up from computer game...

[user1473602935]

Just got home from friends birthday

OH is playing a game on the iPad and can't even look up to ask how my ever

There's a big difference between your kids -needing you and an adult wanting a chat

Well, I don't have kids and DP plays too. But people who do have kids, on the whole, tend to play in a way that works for their lives where they might need to step away if their kids need them. So instead of an alliance leadership or fleet command role where you might need to be able to guarantee several hours without interruption they would do exploration or missioning or act as fleet line members, where many others share their role so if they need to drop nothing goes wrong for another player. You just need to be sensible and responsible, like with anything else.

I tend not to play much in my kids waking hours. Easy.

I do think it's rude not to acknowledge people who comes in. My Dh dies this, with the telly he doesn't game, I just think a hi, how are you is basic manners.

So instead of an alliance leadership or fleet command role where you might need to be able to guarantee several hours without interruption they would do exploration or missioning or act as fleet line members,

I really, really struggle to understand what on earth you are talking about - if you like 'military' activities why wouldn't you chose to join the TA or lead the Army cadets or something like that?

For non gamers this is utterly bizarre and totally incomprehensible, BUT I know that my 'hobby' which is supporting a local womens' refuge probably leave other people utterly bemused at the fact that I positively chose to spend my time in a cold, damp house trying to make it nicer for vulnerable women and children. For the times I can't leave my house (childcare responsibilities) I do fund raising, appeal letters etc.

Just as well we all different .

Did something particular happen at the party that he would be interested in or would need to know?

Whenever someone enters my house, even DP, it takes me a little while to adjust to them being there. With guests, I have the staged routines of "hello, come in, come in, stick your coat there, what would you like a drink, something to eat? etc. etc." to set the scene.

With DP, I just don't have that, and there's not a need to be polite, for the sake of being polite, so I often retreat a little just to adjust to that change. 10 minutes later I can ask about the day etc. but until then it's really tough, DP knows this and whilst sometimes obviously needing to interrupt to tell me something important just gets on with other stuff for the few minutes.

So even without the gaming answer (which I think is a fine one, the etiquette of a stranger arriving in your home is different to your family arriving) there are other reasons more than just being an arse.

The polite thing would be to tell the other person that you are going to be playing a game online for several hours and you may not be able to communicate with other people for the duration.

Personally, I'm ok with DH going off to another room to do this of an evening. I'm not happy for him to do this on a laptop in the dining room and be uncommunicative, or doing this in the middle of the day when shit needs doing.

Dear god- whilst I'm all for people having hobbies and gaming being one of them, I find it hard that people with children can immerse themselves so deeply into what is quite simply a game and be so far moved from reality that they think " millions of people " rely on them.
Sounds extremely childish and like something my ds would say whilst playing Fifa- he's 13.

Some of these are hilarious

It's a game . A fucking game . I'd rather not ignore the humans I live with

If I wanted to join the TA I'd have to not be disabled, so that's somewhat out. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. The game in talking about is a bit of an odd one anyway. But whatever game it is - point is, you might not be able to step away immediately and assuming there isn't a small child that needs you I think that's fine. Have you never said 'in a minute dear, I'm just watching this'? Do you turn off the tv in mid show when anyone asks you a question? If not, why is it ok to finish watching a show or reading the chapter of a book or listening to the end of the cricket match before attending to any non urgent request, but not to get to the next save point or the end of a battle or another natural pause in a game?

Yanbu. My Dh does this- it annoys the hell out of me. It's a blooming game. I just don't get it.
Typical example: he says "no I can't help you bring in the huge food shop that you just did, I'm in the middle of a game". So I do it myself as otherwise the fresh/frozen stuff will spoil whilst he finishes his precious game.

Next time, give him a few minutes to save/stop the game, and if he doesn't unplug the PC, tend.

So kids never wake up in the night throwing up or have a nightmare. Would you leave your battle for that? It just leave it for your partner to deal with which my gamer dh would.

If the kids wake up and I am busy. Wether that's reading a book, or playing a game dh would get them. If we were watching a programme he really wanted to watch, then I do the same.

But it's not relevant because the op isn't saying he is ignoring the kids needs. Just that he didn't ask how her party was as soon as she walked in. Not even vaguely the same thing.

Would it be more 'sociably acceptable' to the non gamers if he was playing speed scrabble or speed chess online - would you then understand that it's not possible to pause a game and chat.

I could alwAys manage a hi but if I'm in the middle of a good game with a good opponent then I would hate to stop and chat.

Some games keep a tally of how many games you quit mid game and if it's high then it makes you look like a player who gives in when they are loosing and are a bad sport.

If you are anagramming then you have to concerntrate

Or the pause at that critical time means death

My DP is a gamer. I mentioned this thread to him. He said 'tell her not to worry; it's only a phase.' He didn't mention that his phase lasted 8.5 years! He's come out of it now and it's nice to have him back.

I do agree though, that in a way gaming is just a hobby like any other. Back in the day many men (sorry to be sexist) spent hours pottering (wanking? Lol) in the shed, or tinkering with their cars. It wasn't chit chats with the OH all day long.
But I think non-gamers like me see gaming as so unproductive and it isn't really a good example to set if children are around, when there are so many other more creative or physical hobbies to do, or as a PP said, shopping to put away.

Everything in moderation.

I can only hope the 'gamers' are in a relationship with other gamers as otherwise you might look up from world annihilation and realise your OH is no longer in a relationship with you.

Of course if there was an emergency or if dc was being sick I will had over fc to one of my directors.

But I will not come off to say hi. TBH I don't need to anyway as I will just talk to DH through TS.

I hardly play games but I can't understand some of the responses on this thread.

People are saying "it's just a fucking game"? Well as someone else above said, so is football, but you wouldn't expect someone just to walk off the pitch mid game to deal with something else would you ? No , because people rely on them. Not just the team mates but the fans in the stadium and the ones at home watching on a screen. Like the gamers watching on a screen that may rely on you when you are playing a game.

And who are these people who are so important that their partners must immediately stop whatever they are doing when they walk through the door so that they can listen in rapt attention to the details of a party/shop/job they have just been to ?

Anyone else worrying what happens when the gamer is so convinced the corp members and alliances who trust their judgment are real and important that they put their interests ahead of interacting with their children? Suppose it hadn't been OP coming in at that point but a child calling because he felt sick?

This thread is hilarious. No, were not worried, because a sick child is not the same thing as an adult wanting a chat about their night.

So much snobbery on this thread, gaming is a valid hobby that usually involves a lot of socialising as you are speaking to actual people. My DH works all the hours god sends and we and his friends all have children, if he didn't game with them they'd rarely speak to each other.

Would people expect undivided attention if their DH was hosting a Dostoyevsky book club in the living room?

BTW top marks go to the head tilty PA poster (and yes we know gaming isn't real thanks for that patronising nugget of information) who slipped in charity work as their 'hobby' and how maybe people wouldn't understand that. How condescending. Yes your hobby is more noble than gaming, what's your point? Off you pop to polish your medal.

Seriously who are these needy self involved people who think it's rude or they're in a bad relationship if their OH doesnt skip up to the door the minute they walk in and go "how are you? What can I do for you? How was your latest social experience?". Have some patience and wait your turn, you've been out all night and want undivided attention and conversation when you've come in? Grow up!

Oh and people who said gaming was a problem in their last relationship - you had a wanker OH problem, not a gaming problem.

CherryChasing, the primary issue in what you are quoting relates to interacting with children - not solely sick children. So, you seriously believe that hundreds of fictional people are dependent on your judgment and continued involvement and will die if you stop playing, and your child wants you to talk to them instead? Isn't there a danger that the gamer makes the wrong choice?

No I'm not suggesting that mega. But the OP's OH didnt ignore a child did he so it's a completely irrelevant point.

The same can be said of social networking tbh. It often takes DW a while to reply to me when she's engrossed in Facebook.