DH can't even look up from computer game...

[user1473602935]

Just got home from friends birthday

OH is playing a game on the iPad and can't even look up to ask how my ever

You may care that you missed large chunks of your children's childhoods and drove your partner away.

😂😂😂 ARF at people's marriages depending on a pause button.

If other people enjoy gaming what the hell has it got to do with you? Who are you to judge what is a 'worthy' hobby?

FWIW my DH games maximum 2 nights a week for around 3 hours at a time. About half the time I take on the week to read a book. Hardly marriage destroyingly addictive.

I also love how people have the revelation that gaming manufacturers are manipulative because they want to make games addictive. Well, duh! Newsflash - any company selling you anything is out to manipulate you. They don't care about your marriage any more than a gaming company does

It must be Marvels Contest of Champions 😂😂

My husband has been playing it for two years....it drives me nuts but it's just part of life now haha

I bet the op is too embarrassed to return as her dh was playing minesweeper....

shrunken I wasn't being facetious about the N64. I have mine too and don't play at the mo for similar reasons. I agree about COD. I like RDR and GTA etc. Terribly unsuitable for kids. On the other hand we got Minecraft for our eldest and can't wait to teach her to play.

I don't understand the joy of bird watching, trainspotting, stamp collecting, gym going, knitting, or a myriad other things. I'm not objectionable enough to refuse to see their value to score points though.

Not comparable, nor is something like playing football, because those are not all-consuming for hours at a time in the way online gaming can be. Even the most avid stamp collector can drag his attention away when his partner comes in to have a bit of quick social conversation. Yes, things like footie take you out of the house regularly and you're not going to chat to your partner when you're on the pitch, but so what? No-one would expect it. They are entitled however to expect some acknowledgement when you're in your shared home staring at a screen.

I'm am just about to play on our N64 with my 24 year old DS. We are going to play Tetris, a bit of bomberman and then a few rounds of Sushi Go Round (MarioParty mini game). Its always brilliant fun. We bought it as soon as it was released in the US over 20 years ago.

They are entitled however to expect some acknowledgement when you're in your shared home staring at a screen.

Why? If they are busy, then they are busy and don't have to drop everything just because you walk in the door and demand attention.

On the end of every online avatar, or screen name, is a real live person ... why are you more important than the twenty other people your DP has been socialising with just because you have now walked into the house and are physically in the same room as your DP whereas they are only present in the house digitally?

It would be like if you were both at book club - you go to a friend's house and sit in the same room together, discuss and socialise; whereas he is part of an online group where they all video chat - so they're not physically together, but are doing the exact same thing you have been doing.

Now imagine your DP walked into your book club, would you insist that the club's discussion stopped so your DP could discuss his day (and other things irrelevent to everyone else in the room) with you, would that be ok or would that be rude to the other members present? If you wouldn't expect your club to stop while you chatted in person, why wouldn't you extend the same courtesy to him just because his is based online?

Maybe not exactly the same mega but that wasn't really my point. The point I was making about being polite enough not to be completely derisory about a hobby or interest because it's not mine.

Pokemon stadium has sushi go round... 😂

Sorry but that's funny trainspotting and
Bird watchingetc not time consuming.

My uncle was a trainspotter (could still be not in contact). He would travel around the country to see trains, often dragging the family. This was pre internet days so also spent lots of time on the phone talking about trains. A room in the house was dedicated to trains, and he had many many
Models. Often you wouldn't be aware he was in the house. Annual leave planned around trains.
But aunt wasn't any better. Her passion was racing cars.
So the kids were either dragged places to watch cars or trains. And of course events often clashed.

I am absolutely loving the irony of people pissing all over people talking to strangers online. What are we all doing right now?

Luckily both DH and I are capable of looking after DH, having a lovely relationship, working, doing edifying and community minded extra-curricular activities AND gaming.

It is just snobbery.

Personally, I got fed up of feeling like the 3rd peripheral very quickly.. I'd come down from sorting the kids... All I'd hear is the clicking of a laptop. Bearing in mind I worked all day in IT support. Asking things/talking would get "eh? What?" Half the time, or "sorry, I'm concentrating on this".

So I'd pull up a book, sit the other end of the sofa and read in silence. Yet god's help me if I was to do the same. I'm proud to say that since we split, and I changed Jobs to science, I rarely use a computer in my leisure time. A tool, and very much treated as such. I prefer reality and interaction, can't game any more, it bores me to tears, as does IT in general now. Never thought I'd feel like this!

why are you more important than the twenty other people your DP has been socialising with just because you have now walked into the house

Errm - because you are his partner/wife and he has made certain commitments to you? If you walked into a book club where your partner was already settled, you wouldn't expect him to ignore you and refuse even to look up, would you? Sure, you wouldn't expect to get into a discussion about your day, but that is mostly because other people could hear it and would be disturbed - which doesn't apply online.

All I know is that gaming may be great fun but most of my favourit people in my life don't do it. But I guess subconsciously i choose people who like the same things I do. Having said that my dh plays some well dumb games on his phone which I find irritating but it does give him a special bond with the dc's who also like playing dumb games. But hey, they are children.

So what do people think is a worthy hobby then? Or are we meant to spend every spare minute interacting with DC and DH?
To all those people saying that you won't remember the game in 20 years time,my DD is 22. Before she was born my best mate and I played games,not online cos there wasn't really online,but together ,chatting about what we were doing over the phone.
And it was fun and social and we both remember it,and the game itself ,it still comes up when we are chatting even now...

If I found my dh hosting a book club in my living room I would pull up a chair and join in. If I really wanted to talk to him I could beckon him out for a few mins, the library wouldn't be lost

If I found him with headphones on, staring at the screen and not reacting to me at all - or telling me that months of hard work would be at stake if he took a 10 minute break - I would be less pleased

Look, if someone's partner is happy with the non/ limited interaction when gaming, great

If the partner finds it cold and upsetting, do they really just have to lump it? because 20 people the gamer doesn't know in real life want them to play battle commander without a few minutes break, lest an imaginary castle be lost?

If someone can play a few hours a week admidst real life interests that sounds a healthy balance

But gamers I've encountered have got really, really into it. Spending whole waking days or full weekends in the game. Staying up all night playing then sleeping in the day regularly. The design and structure of the game encourages this. They are designed to grab your attention and keep you playing. Dh tells me some games have desirable things you can access only if you put in HUGE amounts of time, encouraging people to do this. Of course the company wants to make money by people playing, but it seems they have taken the immersion too far. Why not have a game with functions that make it easy to step out for five mins? It would be healthier.

I'm not saying the gaming posters on this thread are too obsessed btw, these are people I know / have known (not very well though as they are always too bloody busy playing!)

Dreddit is recruiting

But that's the same with anything really. If it becomes an obsession and takes over your life to the exclusion of others it's too much. Planning your entire life around sport to the exclusion of what your family wants to do, spending all your money on travel to away fixtures, not caring if this affects your family. That's selfish and cruel too.

Gaming is just another hobby. It doesn't need to be looked down on.

Yea to the remembering the games in 20 years.
I still remember the games I was playing 30 years ago. Pacman, space invaders, asteroids etc on the Atari.
Never mind 20 years ago and playing sonic, Rayman and Abe's world.

As for the social context. Years ago like pp mentioned, it was chat over the phone and in person playing multi player.
There seems to be lots of assumptions that we play with strangers. It's actually a bit of both. A lot of gamers play with people
They know and strangers. I play online with friends that I don't see as much as they aren't local. I play online with my adult
Son who lives hundreds of miles away. We chat and play. So yes sometimes the people
On the other end of that headset are just as important as the people in your home.

Oh yes. I was 5 when my dad taught me to load up games on dos. I used to play llamatron on the PC. Then I played a MrvWimpey game on the Commodore 64. Such happy memories with my dad. I remember loads more. But that's 30 or so years ago, and yes I remember the games that have meaning for me or I particularly enjoyed. Like a film, I remember the good ones, forget the bad.

I can understand both sides, it doesn't hurt anyone to say hi but at the same time you wouldn't come in and expect someone to drop everything they're are doing to have a mundane conversation about a party.

To the players making remarks about not understanding EVE. Eve online is an hardcore game, it's a space game where everything happens in real time and players actually effect the game world. It really is a beautiful game and I respect players who play it because it takes hard work and skill to do stuff, it's not like World of Warcraft hence why I am so crap at it and lasted 2 days.

I do hate it when people look down on people who play computer games, especially when they're so smug. It's one thing not to get it but to try and make people feel like shit for playing video games actually makes you a bit of a twat.

For example playing a video game like the 'The Last of Us' is like watching and interacting with a piece of art.

Each to their own, really... If the other person is fine with it, OK. I know there are times at work where I'm working with the glassware, or hazardous chemicals etc, people walk in and I point blank ignore them, and ask them to please stop talking etc, as I require my full concentration on the task in hand. I daresay I come across as rude and abrupt.

I quite often get engrossed in things and zone out, it's rather part of the job.. It happens outside work too.. If I'm rebuilding something, or soldering, or just having a thoughtful episode. People understand, because I've explained.. Sometimes I come across as abrupt, but that's how my brain works, sadly..I focus in, and lose wider context.

But at work, I'm afraid I'm not willing to compromise. You can't pause physics, and you can't afford to lose focus with some of the chemicals or it could be very nasty. The difference is, that's "real". I no longer regard computer correspondence as real time. Things online can wait, they are a lower priority.

@araiwa of all the places I expected to see that, MN was probably the last :o

ok.. so one of the people i 'game' with i've known longer than i've known DH.

I met her when i was 17, i didn't meet DH until my 20th birthday... i'm now fast approaching my late 30s.

Don't give me the 'you won't remember it in 20yrs' because not all 'games' are modern things.

but then i don't play on ipads or tablets, i'm conversing and creating with people instead. One thing i have been working on with said LT friend has been novelised and will be published in the next couple of months, with my name in the credits.

Hate on my hobby.. but i did it when i met DH, i did it when we dated, when we moved in together, when he proposed, when we married and i have continued to write/roleplay with my friends through pregnancy, illness and everything else. its one of the few things that some days has kept me sane as i'm a Carer for my child who has ASD, and the escapism of writing in another world and pretending not to be me is excellent therapy.

He gets told to piss off if he gets funny about it, i will not change myself for him.