AIBU to question bedtime in the UK?

[onemumtwocountries]

I'm a regular but have NCd as some of my latest posts were quite identifying.

I recently travelled to my home country and noticed that babies/kids there go to bed quite a bit later than in the UK. Bedtime between 8.30 and 10.30pm (depending on age) seems to be the norm. In the UK people seem to put kids to bed between 6.30 and 8.30pm (based on my experience, do correct me if I'm wrong).

DH and I have quite a few friends and family in the UK whose kids are up before 6am. They often (rightly) complain this is very early and try various methods to keep them in bed until a more reasonable time (Gro Clock etc).

I'd presume that kids need similar amounts of sleep regardless of which country they grow up in. So I wonder if a shift in the bedtime culture in the UK would make for children who sleep until a more reasonable time? Or am I missing the point entirely?

Going to bed a little later would also allow the DCs to see the working parent for a bit longer in the evening (assuming standard working hours), although I appreciate this would eat into adult time in the evening.

My DS is only tiny so we don't have a bedtime routine yet, but I'm keen to know your thoughts before I embark on one!

Thank you.

In the US, although children go to preschool and kindergarten at age 5, "nap" is still very much a part of their timetable

Not in my observation of US preschool and kindergarten. There might be some quiet time for a 3 or 4 yo. Mine never napped from age 2 on but they had quiet time in the early afternoon after lunch. This was time when they did some quiet activity like painting or putting dolls to bed or listening to music.

math I totally get it, I have a week off with my 2 and was quite ready to put them to bed by about 4

I have a friend who's a SAHM and she also puts her DC to bed about 6.30, as she wants the evening to herself and DH. Of course it's totally understandable and she still sees more of her kids than I do. On the other hand, her DH works full time with quite long commute and therefore literally only sees his children on weekends.

My ds is a contrary little bugger and the later he goes to bed, the earlier he wakes. we tried putting him down at about 8, and he was waking at 5. Put him down at 7 and he wakes at 6:30. Which is what we need during the week, so I roll (blearily) with it.
And my mother just laughs at me and says it's karma - apparently I was a very early riser until I left home.

My DS (7) is an early riser regardless of what time he goes to sleep - takes after me.

The last couple of nights he's asked to go to bed at 9.30pm and then slept till 7am. Normally he is asleep by 8.30 to 9pm and up at 6.30am which works great for school in the week.

DS sleeps for 11 hours regardless of what time he goes to bed, so we time or so he wakes about 7.30 as that's the latest I can get up.

My 10 yo is up around 5, whether he slopes off to bed at 7:30 or bounces around until 9. In fact the later bedtime is often followed by an even earlier morning.

13yo won't settle before 10:30, even if he's knackered and often struggles to be up and alert in time for his taxi at 7:20. Same time as dh leaves for work.

Even buses for local secondary schools pass through the village at 8 am. Suggesting that British children go to bed too early really is bonkers when you consider that leaving the house between 7&8am is not at all uncommon.

My Spanish/Portuguese/Indian/Italian colleagues never start bang on 9am (in the office by 11am most days)

I'm a bit bored of hearing this trotted out. Most jobs I've had in Italy are an 8.30 start, so no, a bang on 9am start is a bit late actually. Also, most Italians I know who work in the private sector rarely clock off at 6pm on the dot. Our UK based colleagues, however...unless senior management I'd be hard pushed to find anyone in the office after 5.30pm.

Melassa - I work in Investment banking. Colleagues in the UK (inc me) will be there from 6am to 7pm. Italy/Spain 11am to 6 if we're lucky even though they are contracted 9-5 which is why those jobs are slowly being migrated to India.

I am amazed that some posters say that families with children eat out late in other European countries. I have always found it difficult to find bars and restaurants open in many places in France, Spain and Italy late into the evening, even in the height of summer.

Not all kids wake early.

Also my kids waking at 6.30am suits me with work & school.

DS goes to bed at 7pm and is awake by 7am 99% of the time. Any later is a bonus.

Later /earlier bedtime doesn't seem to make much difference TBH.

DD wakes up at 6-6.30 regardless of what time she goes to bed, she's just an early riser. She is usually asleep by 7 every night (6.50 tonight, she's still tired from Christmas). On holiday she was up until 8.30-8.45 & still woke up st 6.30, only difference was (as PP have said) she was tired & miserable. We've tired gro clock, changing bedtimes & she still wakes early. I've known parents that keep their children up later & get a lie in as a result, I'm very jealous!

We have to get up at 6:30 as we have to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school for 8:15 (she has to be in by 8:30 latest and it's a drive away plus morning traffic). My dd who is 7 therefore has to go to bed at 7 with half an hour of stories / wind down time or she'd be shattered. Changing this at weekends doesn't work - her body is too used to early rises so late nights just means grumpy child at 6:30am still.

Gosh I wish my 4yo was like some of your kids! No matter what time he goes to bed, he will be up anything between 6-7am. He's a bit of an odd duck though, and if he goes to bed late, he's up even earlier!!
(For example - he went down at 8.30 the other night, and was up at 4.30 the next morning. And he won't nap in the day. Hasn't since he was 16months old.) So he goes to bed anything between 6.30-7pm, because at least then he's getting a proper amount of sleep.

Helooooooitsme you definitely have been in the wrong part of Spain!! (Can't talk about the others).

My three always woke early regardless of how late they went to bed, all that changed was how grumpy they were the next day.

DailyFail1 I am Spanish, I have NEVER heard of anyone going to work at 11 to an office job. Pubs yes, shops, maybe.
Office jobs usually go 8-3pm with no lunch break, they have lunch after and some days they have shifts working later to accommodate other businesses. Often in the summer they finish earlier most days and one day the finish later to make up, still the same hours per week.
So maybe your experience is with specific banks/companies.

Ds goes to bed and sleeps for 11.5 hours as long as it's dark. There's nothing we've done - we're just lucky that 5am has never been his waking time.

The body clock is just that way for a lot of kids. You can try pushing back bedtime or nap times but sometimes you have to just work with the kid.

the baby is more inclined to sleep later if he's asleep by 6:30pm. he'll wake around 6. bed later results in 4:30-5am wake up, with an 9-11 nap.

but the 5 yo wakes at 6-6:30 no matter what. that's his time. it's always been his time.
if they don't get enough sleep both of them cry all day.
it's far from ideal but it's not forever

My older 2 are teens so won't go to bed but won't get up either! My 7 year old usually goes to bed by 8pm. He wakes around 7am. But if I put him to bed later in the holidays he still wakes around 7am and then he's tired. We have even been out before and he's got to bed at 10pm or later. He still wakes around 7am. So I'm not sure that theory works. I also have a friend who's son wakes at 5.30-6am (Age 7) she has tried different bed times but he always wakes at the same time. So she settled on early bed as he gets more sleep.

I have one DD (12 now). From around 15 months she was in the bath at 6.30, "lights out" was 7.24. I say that because my rule was to be downstairs watching EE or Corrie at 7.30pm. These parents that get up at 5am because their toddlers awake then....(especially in the winter), do you get up and play/interact if they wake at 2am?

When we lived in Cyprus the same was the norm despite school starting at 7.30am. No one has siestas these days past normal nap age. The local soft play didn't even open until 6pm. 3 years on we still struggle with British routines and my dc go to bed later than a lot I know! They are pretty flexible and do sleep later at weekends. I know loads that put their kids to bed at 6pm and complain they wake throughout the night and start the day at a ridiculous hour! I think you have a very valid point OP.

YANBU. Our 3 and 4 year old go to bed around 8:30 and get up around 7:30- 8:30. They sometimes wake later on like 9ish at the weekend, particularly if we stay out late with them (10pm). I'm not really convinced that people persevere with putting their kids to bed later- eg keep doing it for a fortnight and then see if their raising time is later. I don't really understand putting them down at 6:30 and bring surprised when they get up at 5. Obviously it just depends on what works for people. It works to have a later bedtime for us and means partner gets to spend time with them and we can eat together.

Interesting post - I always assumed parents just did what suited them best as individuals and didn't realise there were such massive difference between countries.

My daughter HE so her 7 year old goes to bed about 10 and they get up around 9. But the 18m old goes at 6.30 and gets up around 9. She can't wait until the baby can stay up later as she finds 6.30 bedtime restrictI've.

Also people say their kids are grumpy after one late night/still wake early ... this is likely because its change from what they have always been used to. Long term the waking hours would shift!