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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly fucked off that MIL has put her foot in it

160 replies

Slarti · 25/12/2016 10:22

MIL bought DS9 and DS4 new bikes for Christmas. Well, it would be more accurate to say she paid for new bikes. She got her son (my BIL) to actually make the purchase (fair enough as he gets a discount) and then asked me to collect them from the shop yesterday (not something I was chuffed about as I had a million and one things to do, had to borrow a car as mine was in the garage, and didn't have anywhere to hide them at ours). Ended up taking them to my DM's who is bringing them up later today along with her own presents.

MIL has just been round and told us how disappointed she is that the bikes weren't here when DS9 and DS4 woke up. I told her she should have brought them herself then. Honestly I wasn't in the mood to be made to feel like I'd done something wrong when I'd actually done more with her gifts than she had. She replied "I didn't want them to be from me, I wanted them to be from Father Christmas." DS9 looked up at her a bit WTF - he has had a few moments of doubt this winter but last night and this morning was fully enthralled in the magic, and now she's just dropped that clanger. Unphased she simply pointed at DS4 who was oblivious to it all as he was playing with his new toys and said "He doesn't know." Oh, well that's alright then if you've only given it away for one child.

I took her to one side and reminded her that DS9 still believed and to try not to give the game away. Her reply was "well he'll have to find out soon." Not your fucking decision though is it?! Angry

So AIBU to be utterly fucked off with her attitude and her quite possibly giving the game away to DS9. I'm aware that he was having doubts and that this may have been his last year of believing so I may be a bit U but if anything that made me want to savour the magic even longer and I've got that WTF look of his playing through my head and feel like my heart broke a little bit seeing it. Sad

tl;dr

MIL ruined Christmas

OP posts:
DoosyFartlek · 25/12/2016 21:56

All the children I know found out before secondary school. So 9/10/11.

Oly5 · 25/12/2016 22:00

Yabu. I think it's fine for her to ask you to collect the bikes a a I can understand why she was disappointed they didn't get them when they woke up!
You sound thoroughly spoilt to be honest!
How
Fab of of your mil to get them bikes

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/12/2016 22:26

How the hell that equates to Amazon I have no idea

Because of this post

sj257
My 10 year old is intelligent, she also asked a few years about the toy appeal on the radio. I told her me and her dad have to send some cash to Father Christmas and that's why some children get extortionate amounts, some get nothing, some get anywhere in between. She was probably about 7 when she asked

So instead of acknowledging her daughter's intelligence and empathy she tells her that lie.

If you send money to Amazon they send things back. Nothing "magical" about that. Nothing "magical" about Santa either.

Or as poster
mudandmayhem said
As soon as my kids started asking why a poor child on an NSPCC advert wasn't getting any Christmas presents, I had to tell them the truth, what alternative could I suggest oh Santa just prefers rich kids, poor children have been naughty, no magic in that. I did tell them to keep it a secret from other kids. My DD was about 5 or 6 when she asked this

Original poster
Slarti · 26/12/2016 06:49

Yabu. I think it's fine for her to ask you to collect the bikes

Really? That's something you'd drop on parents on Christmas Eve?

I can understand why she was disappointed they didn't get them when they woke up!

Ours get presents from relatives throughout the day as they arrive. Never seen a problem with it, the DCs enjoy the arrival of more gifts, as they did with the bikes. If it was important to MIL for them to be there when the DCs woke up then she should 1) have actually said that, and 2) helped to make that happen. I did the best I could with the time and resources available to me. I would think most people would act with a little more decorum and deal with their unwarranted disappointment better than making a scene on Christmas morning.

OP posts:
Sybys · 26/12/2016 08:03

LassWiTheDelicateAir - there was a holiday called Yule (think it had other names too) which was celebrated around the winter solstice (circa Dec 21) that pre-dates Christmas. The tree, feasting and exchanging presents pre-dates the 'Christmas' re-brand.

youarenotkiddingme · 26/12/2016 08:18

So should 8/9 yo should children be forced to stop believing in God - what ever god they have from whatever religion!

ALL these beliefs and celebrations come from reported events in history and the stories have developed into faith and myth and celebrations we believe in/ partake in.

I really don't think in this volatile world of religious terrorism we live in because others can't respect people's beliefs and culture suggesting 8/9 yo who have the belief in Santa are thick, weird or have SN is a helpful attitude. We shouldn't be encouraging children so young to disparage others thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

ffsdoingmybest · 26/12/2016 08:21

What a fucking bitch!!! Id be raging!!! Yanbu!!!!

SparkyBlue · 26/12/2016 08:23

My parents bought dd a bike for Christmas so seeing as they don't drive I shock horror collected it from the shop and went out of our way to drop it over to them so they could say Santa delivered it. I am very grateful they wanted to give her such a generous gift

ffsdoingmybest · 26/12/2016 08:23

Totally agree that she should have sorted her own gifts rather than get others to do it then moan about it on the day. Sounds like a brat to me.

Basicbrown · 26/12/2016 08:32

I don't believe that a 9yo truly believes in a sleigh driving around and Santa drinking 200m glasses of whisky. It's just fantasy, they play along bit like in one part of their heads they are going to go to Hogwarts

But in terms of Isn't that basically Amazon then ? I think the everything at the touch of a button stuff makes it more believable for kids now than 30 years ago. We have deliveries every day, why not Christmas presents....?

I also think they think if they say they don't believe then they'll be relegated to having 5 presents each like the adults.

I think you are overreacting a bit op but I sympathise when mil tells me how to do stuff it really winds me up.

gerispringer · 26/12/2016 08:35

You sound like you resent the fact that your MiL has treated the kids to lavish gifts. She was U to expect them to be there Christmas morning as she was leaving the picking up etc to you, but it's hardly a huge problem. Don't use it as a stick to beat your MiL with. Thank her for the bikes, move on.

scrivette · 26/12/2016 08:47

I wouldn't be impressed either.

I also believed in Father Christmas until I was about 10/11!

Original poster
Slarti · 26/12/2016 08:57

You sound like you resent the fact that your MiL has treated the kids to lavish gifts.

Maybe you're projecting a bit, because there's nothing in my posts that actually suggests that. My criticism has been categorically not about her buying the gifts. She announced on Christmas Eve that the bikes were still in the shop and that she wasn't going to pick them up - yes it's not a huge problem, merely an inconvenience, just like I said. And then to turn up on Christmas Day and kick off is not on.

So if I'm posting about her dropping that on us on Christmas Eve and then starting an argument on Christmas Day, why on earth would you make up something about me resenting the actual gifts to our boys? Hmm

The gifts were thoughtful, her behaviour wasn't. The two things aren't mutually exclusive and as others have said, spending money on people or their children doesn't give you the right to come into their home and act like a dick.

OP posts:
ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 26/12/2016 09:07

wow so MILS disappointment over the team effort needed to get HER gifts fell short of HER expectations trumps a small childs belief in santa....OK.

Kr1stina · 26/12/2016 09:08

Some of you need to be a lot more respectful of other people's beliefs . You don't need to agree but you should respect others rights to freedom of religion or belief.

There are some nasty spiteful comments on this thread. It seems that we have an influx of Daily Mail readers.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 26/12/2016 09:09

I also agree its fine for her to ask you to get the bikes, you didnt have to say yes - but you did - good on you - however when you ask people to do things for you - to do you a favour you also have to accept those people may not be able to forfill things how you would like - its part and parcel of asking other people to do things for you. Humility and thankfulness.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 26/12/2016 09:10

It seems that we have an influx of Daily Mail readers.

^ Xmas Confused Bizarre comment.

motherinferior · 26/12/2016 09:25

Oh for heavens' sake, why does my feeling that a child won't be traumatised by discovering their parents have lied to them about who fills their stocking make me a Daily Mail reader?

Kr1stina · 26/12/2016 09:33

It seems that we have an influx of Daily Mail readers.^ fconfused Bizarre comment

Clearly you are not aware that the DM is full of anti Muslim sentiment, like the comments upthread about people believing in "beardy weirdos " .

Completely unnecessary .

Kr1stina · 26/12/2016 09:34

I wasn't talking about you, mother inferior.

I was talking about the religious hatered comments, nothing to do with the Santa debate.

Kr1stina · 26/12/2016 09:35

hatred

DameSquashalot · 26/12/2016 09:48

It sounds like it was a slip of the tongue. It was nice of her to spend the money and not want to take the glory.

I can see why you're disappointed , especially after seeing your son's reaction, but I wouldn't hold it against her.

MsGameandWatch · 26/12/2016 10:13

Children believe what they want for as long as they want. I don't for one minute think all older children believe a man in a red suit is landing on the roof and coming down the chimney. What they love and want to continue is the magic and joy and family tradition e.g. Leaving the mince pies out etc. They're not ready to relinquish those little parts that add up to their Christmas. Rather unkind and suggests a lack of imagination in my opinion to say it's "weird" "peculiar" and imply that the parents are forcing it onto their children. My DC - 13 and 10 still claim to believe and I carry on as if they do. They haven't asked to go Santa's grotto in the last couple of years which indicates to me that they don't actually believe any more. I'm sure my kids are sensible enough to handle it themselves when it comes to their friends and talking about it to other people and don't need me to sit them down for a bracing reality check age 9 in order to bring them up to speed on what and how they should be thinking and behaving with regard to Christmas traditions at the advanced age of 9.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/12/2016 10:36

Clearly you are not aware that the DM is full of anti Muslim sentiment, like the comments upthread about people believing in "beardy weirdos ".

Completely unnecessary

I agree those comments and the "sky baby" comments were rude and unnecessary but they were clearly referring to a Christian God.

LadyintheRadiator · 26/12/2016 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.