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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly fucked off that MIL has put her foot in it

160 replies

Slarti · 25/12/2016 10:22

MIL bought DS9 and DS4 new bikes for Christmas. Well, it would be more accurate to say she paid for new bikes. She got her son (my BIL) to actually make the purchase (fair enough as he gets a discount) and then asked me to collect them from the shop yesterday (not something I was chuffed about as I had a million and one things to do, had to borrow a car as mine was in the garage, and didn't have anywhere to hide them at ours). Ended up taking them to my DM's who is bringing them up later today along with her own presents.

MIL has just been round and told us how disappointed she is that the bikes weren't here when DS9 and DS4 woke up. I told her she should have brought them herself then. Honestly I wasn't in the mood to be made to feel like I'd done something wrong when I'd actually done more with her gifts than she had. She replied "I didn't want them to be from me, I wanted them to be from Father Christmas." DS9 looked up at her a bit WTF - he has had a few moments of doubt this winter but last night and this morning was fully enthralled in the magic, and now she's just dropped that clanger. Unphased she simply pointed at DS4 who was oblivious to it all as he was playing with his new toys and said "He doesn't know." Oh, well that's alright then if you've only given it away for one child.

I took her to one side and reminded her that DS9 still believed and to try not to give the game away. Her reply was "well he'll have to find out soon." Not your fucking decision though is it?! Angry

So AIBU to be utterly fucked off with her attitude and her quite possibly giving the game away to DS9. I'm aware that he was having doubts and that this may have been his last year of believing so I may be a bit U but if anything that made me want to savour the magic even longer and I've got that WTF look of his playing through my head and feel like my heart broke a little bit seeing it. Sad

tl;dr

MIL ruined Christmas

OP posts:
Original poster
Slarti · 25/12/2016 10:47

Next time get the expensive gifts yourself.

We did thanks. Smile

The bikes are a nice gift, of course! But there's an element of throwing cash at an idea and expecting everyone else to actually bring it to fruition, then criticising them because the best they could do didn't meet what you had imagined would happen.

OP posts:
StStrattersOfMN · 25/12/2016 10:47

That's your choice cherry, to you I seem weird, to me, you seem weird. It's fun and it's harmless, and it brings happiness, excitement, and pleasure.

MrsMcMoo · 25/12/2016 10:48

Yanbu. Bloody hell. I'd be upset too.

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 10:48

No. And note, I'm not saying you, personally, are weird, I'm saying that the idea of a child who will start secondary soon (it's eleven here) believing in something that's really a story for preschoolers seems odd to me.

My son turns ten in February: he will start secondary school in September 2018.

LivingInMidnight · 25/12/2016 10:49

cherry that's fine for you and your kids, but other parents obviously do things their own way. I agree with stratters, let them have a little bit of magic for as long as they can.

Crispsheets · 25/12/2016 10:50

" my heart broke a little"
Oh listen to yourself.
Just enjoy the day.

StStrattersOfMN · 25/12/2016 10:51

Very I've never forgotten or forgiven the brat of a child who smugly announced in the playground queue one morning that they were all stupid for believing in FC, because it was Mummy and Daddy and FC wasn't real. Cue 20+ small 6yos bursting into inconsolable tears just before the start of school.

I'm sorry to say that we told our very upset daughter that she was wrong, and how sad that her parents had told her that.

Aderyn2016 · 25/12/2016 10:53

Personally, I think it is the responsibility of the person buying the gift to collect it from the shop, assemble it and deliver it. Christmas is hard work for parents without having to do all the thinking and running around for relatives presents as well! If granny cba to do anything, maybe she ought to leave getting bikes to the parents, who can do it at their leisure.

I would also be pissed if someone unthinkingly told my dc about Santa.

nottinghamgal · 25/12/2016 10:53

yanbu. Yes she bought a nice gift.

Doesn't mean she can dictate your day or the way you choose to celebrate Christmas.

Scabz · 25/12/2016 10:54

Feel your pain. MIL asked yesterday if we still "did" father Christmas in front off dd7..... then made a fuss that she had a present for her from Santa somewhere in her bag. Then implied I was making too much fuss with my (rather fabulous) shake n vac snowy footprints.... 2 more sleeps til she fucks off

Original poster
Slarti · 25/12/2016 10:54

Are the bikes their main thing they're getting?

No, DS9 got an xbox one. DS4 a few different smaller things he'd asked for. Bikes weren't on their letters to FC so would have been a bit odd to do it that way even if we'd known that's what she wanted to do. We do big main gifts and stocking off FC, then rest from us.

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 25/12/2016 11:00

MIL is bonkers -- wants bikes to be from FC while at the same time telling her GS that there is no such thing!!!! What's the point!
I'd be mad at her. So many rellies quoted here on MN this year (my first) who seem to think they have a right to determine when other people's children ought to cease to believe.
Parents who care for them 24/7 get to decide these things because they are the ones picking up any flack and who deserve to enjoy the magic as long as possible with their young ones.
Next they will be saying they are entitled to determine their GCs religious and political beliefs.

Naicehamshop · 25/12/2016 11:28

MIL sounds rather controlling but I think you just have to let this go.

For what it's worth I think parents getting wound up about father Christmas and the "magic of Christmas" is a bit odd - it often sounds as if they are more invested in the idea than the children are, tbh!

I do agree that it's your decision to tell the children not hers, but honestly this is NOT a massively serious issue op unless you make it one!!

StStrattersOfMN · 25/12/2016 11:29

" my heart broke a little"
Oh listen to yourself.
Just enjoy the day.

Mine would have too, actually. My children, my decision, and I actually think it's important.

sj257 · 25/12/2016 11:33

Her buying them expensive presents doesn't give her the right to decide when her grandchild stops believing. Explain to your child that grandma was meant to send the bikes off to Father Christmas for him to bring but she left it too late. X

babyblabber · 25/12/2016 11:33

I'm with you OP, I'd be fuming.

WalkingCarpet · 25/12/2016 11:34

There's no time limit. My daughter is 11 and still believes. Anyone who tries to take that away is a miserable Grinch.

sj257 · 25/12/2016 11:37

My daughter is 10, she still believes, she's not weird or odd, lots of her friends do too. She's only year 5. It takes them a few years to understand the concept of Santa, it's beyond me why some parents are so eager for the magic to be over.

Candlestickchick · 25/12/2016 12:34

It doesn't matter whether it's weird or not to have a 9 year old believing in Father Christmas. The OP is the parent, not the MIL, and the MIL had no right to take the decision out of her hands.

OP YANBU. Yes it's nice to finance new gifts but actually she's put the hassle of it onto you and your DM. Fine as far as it goes, but to then moan about how you've gone about it is extremely ungrateful.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 25/12/2016 12:40

it's beyond me why some parents are so eager for the magic to be over.

Probably the types who want the kids out earning and being fully self sufficient at 16 and living completely independently at 18 because they're an "adult".

zeeboo · 25/12/2016 12:46

Is this a new Mumsnet thing of putting DS9 which means my ninth son, when they really mean my son age 9 or DS, 9.
Really annoying.

Cherrycrumble you sound like a very strange individual indeed. A 9 year old is developmentally miles away from a rising 12 year old off to secondary school.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 25/12/2016 12:52

MIL is bonkers -- wants bikes to be from FC while at the same time telling her GS that there is no such thing!!!! What's the point!

^ ^ this

I'd be more annoyed about the running round everyone had to do for her.

youarenotkiddingme · 25/12/2016 12:53

Some people are outright rude. Its Christmas people!

Yanbu. She ordered the gifts and ruining it for a 9yo because you didn't guess what she'd intended to happen with the gifts is not on.

There's nothing wrong with a 9yo still believing - my 12yo does!

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 12:56

Are you sure they believe? Xmas Grin

I'm not saying the children personally are weird. Just that the idea of believing something so whimsical and, well, young, seems odd to me!

VeryBitchy, not mine, I still want them here when they are 25 Xmas Smile

CheshireChat · 25/12/2016 12:57

So if you can pay, you can essentially do whatever you like with someone else's kid? You buy presents because it's a nice thing to do, not because it entitles you to be a Grinch.