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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly fucked off that MIL has put her foot in it

160 replies

Slarti · 25/12/2016 10:22

MIL bought DS9 and DS4 new bikes for Christmas. Well, it would be more accurate to say she paid for new bikes. She got her son (my BIL) to actually make the purchase (fair enough as he gets a discount) and then asked me to collect them from the shop yesterday (not something I was chuffed about as I had a million and one things to do, had to borrow a car as mine was in the garage, and didn't have anywhere to hide them at ours). Ended up taking them to my DM's who is bringing them up later today along with her own presents.

MIL has just been round and told us how disappointed she is that the bikes weren't here when DS9 and DS4 woke up. I told her she should have brought them herself then. Honestly I wasn't in the mood to be made to feel like I'd done something wrong when I'd actually done more with her gifts than she had. She replied "I didn't want them to be from me, I wanted them to be from Father Christmas." DS9 looked up at her a bit WTF - he has had a few moments of doubt this winter but last night and this morning was fully enthralled in the magic, and now she's just dropped that clanger. Unphased she simply pointed at DS4 who was oblivious to it all as he was playing with his new toys and said "He doesn't know." Oh, well that's alright then if you've only given it away for one child.

I took her to one side and reminded her that DS9 still believed and to try not to give the game away. Her reply was "well he'll have to find out soon." Not your fucking decision though is it?! Angry

So AIBU to be utterly fucked off with her attitude and her quite possibly giving the game away to DS9. I'm aware that he was having doubts and that this may have been his last year of believing so I may be a bit U but if anything that made me want to savour the magic even longer and I've got that WTF look of his playing through my head and feel like my heart broke a little bit seeing it. Sad

tl;dr

MIL ruined Christmas

OP posts:
mudandmayhem01 · 25/12/2016 15:59

As soon as my kids started asking why a poor child on an NSPCC advert wasn't getting any Christmas presents, I had to tell them the truth, what alternative could I suggest oh Santa just prefers rich kids, poor children have been naughty, no magic in that. I did tell them to keep it a secret from other kids. My DD was about 5 or 6 when she asked this.

december10th · 25/12/2016 16:03

believing in magic is not some wondrous thing, it is just a form of ignorance really

december10th · 25/12/2016 16:05

I would be worried if my 8, 9,10, 11 yo belived in FC and magical elves, what else, people with less kind intentions could lead them to believe.

CalleighDoodle · 25/12/2016 16:23

I would be fooking furious is my mil told me on xmas eve I had to collect two bikes. Firstly what did she exoect you to do with the children when you went on her errand? Secondly, would they fit in the car easily anyway? And im sure you had other things to do.

AMillionMilesFromThere · 25/12/2016 16:31

What?! Your NINE year old ds still believes in Father Christmas??

You sound like an an ungrateful misery. Sorry.

Feckitall · 25/12/2016 16:31

it's beyond me why some parents are so eager for the magic to be over.

Probably the types who want the kids out earning and being fully self sufficient at 16 and living completely independently at 18 because they're an "adult".

Because they are young adults and a parents job is the produce independent adults in a process through from childhood to adulthood. I agree children should be children but young adults should be that too and then adults should be adults...childhood seems to be ever expanding...I think the majority of NT children have it sussed a lot sooner than parents think.

Naicehamshop · 25/12/2016 16:46

I agree Feck. Yes it's nice for small children to believe in Father Christmas but to be desperate for older children to believe, to the extent that you go mad when someone lets the cat out of the bag seems a bit ridiculous really. Just let it go op - if this is the worst problem you have to deal with with your mil then you are doing well!

hippyhippyshake · 25/12/2016 16:52

Lol at some posters saying mil wanted the 'glory' Confused She forked out the cash but was quite happy for FC to take the credit! She does have some redeeming features....

youarenotkiddingme · 25/12/2016 17:09

It worries me how many people find it odd an older child believes. As a parent I've not made a deal about FC for years - Ds leads it all. Including waking up at 11.30 last night in a panic as he'd forgotten to leave the carrot, mince pie and milk out!

TheRollingCrone · 25/12/2016 17:11

I am also Xmas Hmm at 8,9 and older children believing in Father Christmas...

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 17:12

But the magic ... Xmas Wink

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/12/2016 17:15

I agree with Cherry et al

As soon as my kids started asking why a poor child on an NSPCC advert wasn't getting any Christmas presents, I had to tell them the truth, what alternative could I suggest oh Santa just prefers rich kids, poor children have been naughty, no magic in that

I asked about that on another Santa is magical thread , didn't get any takers. I think my son stopped believing in Santa around 7. All his main presents were from us , the Santa presents were always very much secondary.

TheRollingCrone · 25/12/2016 17:16

My dd watched a Red Cross appeal last year for Syrian children in camps, cold hungry, turned to me and said "I don't think Father Christmas is real cos he wouldn't leave them out, would he?"

Unless a child lives a very very sheltered life, it does show an amazing lack of critical thinking (as pp have said).

Yes I do find it odd

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 17:23

I think that's why I think of it as a tiny child thing, as their worlds are tiny then so the concept of Father Christmas managing to get around the world in a single night just doesn't faze (sp?) them. As they get older their worlds naturally become bigger and while they may not have a full handle on "the world" and its size in fairness I'm not sure I have! they know enough to realise Santa just isn't possible.

The other "problem" with having very special and magical Christmases is the huge pressure it puts not just on you but on them to a) enjoy it and b) in future to have a wonderful day even though circumstances might not allow for that. If that makes sense! What I mean is that if I'd had twenty one years of magical Christmases then turned 22 and lost my job and got thrown out of home and blah blah it would all seem utterly horrific but if I see Christmas as just a normal holiday it alleviates that pressure somewhat.

If it makes you feel better I just tried to rap my DD's name using Honey G and made her burst into tears and run out of the room Xmas Confused I won't do that next year!

sarahquilt · 25/12/2016 17:33

I think your mil was very out of order. She gave presents with conditions, like you having to collect them. To me, that devalues the whole idea of giving. As for the comment about Santa, she sounds like one of those obnoxious loudmouths who can't stfu and be discreet. Her personal thoughts on the topic are irrelevant. They're not her kids. Yanbu op.

Salmotrutta · 25/12/2016 17:33

I'm quite surprised at some of the replies on here - children of 8/9/10 etc still believing in FC.

I can distinctly remember aged 5/6 being very sceptical about flying reindeer pulling a sleigh all around the world in one night and a fat man going down chimneys.

But then again cynicism is, and has always been, my middle name.

motherinferior · 25/12/2016 18:28

I would be rather alarmed at the thought of a 10 year old so gullible they still believed in Father Christmas. Please don't let them go to secondary school in ignorance.

sj257 · 25/12/2016 19:08

How bloody rude are some of you?

My 10 year old is intelligent, she also asked a few years about the toy appeal on the radio. I told her me and her dad have to send some cash to Father Christmas and that's why some children get extortionate amounts, some get nothing, some get anywhere in between. She was probably about 7 when she asked that, and had only really started understanding Christmas about age 4. 3 years of Santa is not enough. Of course I won't let her go to secondary school still believing. Some further up mentioning young adults....10 is not a young adult! She's a child! Her brother is 8 and I know for a fact I'd have to tell them both together as they are so close. I really can't get my head around 8 year olds not believing. It's nothing to do with them not being intelligent they are just so open and willing to believe in magic.

My mum had to tell me in year 6, I was devastated, not for a minute had I doubted that it was true. I have tried not to go all out for my children, we don't do elves, Christmas eve boxes, letters from Santa etc. as I think that would be wrong of me now and wouldn't be helpful when they are probably so close to finding out the truth.

SandyDenny · 25/12/2016 19:30

I don't see how a 9 year old who goes to school could not know that there's no FC.Tbh I think they aren't going to thank you for allowing them to believe for such a long time when they realise their friends have known for years

Misstic · 25/12/2016 19:31

Sad to read how some people treat their relatives especially when the person's intention was good and generous. Strange society we live in.

kittybiscuits · 25/12/2016 19:34

Holy shit- so many goady fuckers on MN this Christmas. I thought your MIL behaved like a dick OP.

Caprianna · 25/12/2016 19:41

Confused at telling your children you send cash to FC.

TheRollingCrone · 25/12/2016 19:44

How is it goady? It's just a difference of opinion

Some people have children who still believe and some people have children who don't

Original poster
Slarti · 25/12/2016 19:54

How is it goady?

Suggesting children are SEN or weird because they believe is pretty goady I thought. After all, the thread wasn't about what is the appropriate age to stop believing, and even if there was an objectively correct answer to that question it still wouldn't be ok to tell someone else's DCs there's no Santa.

OP posts:
Featherybum · 25/12/2016 20:03

I think YANBU fwiw, it's no one else's business how you deal with Santa in your house and certainly no one else's business to decide when or how your child should have the truth confirmed. I know I'd figured it out by that age but wouldn't have wanted it confirming as I remember still wanting to believe if that makes sense. Anyway she definitely shouldn't have said that in ear shot of your 4 year old regardless of whether he was playing or not.