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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly fucked off that MIL has put her foot in it

160 replies

Slarti · 25/12/2016 10:22

MIL bought DS9 and DS4 new bikes for Christmas. Well, it would be more accurate to say she paid for new bikes. She got her son (my BIL) to actually make the purchase (fair enough as he gets a discount) and then asked me to collect them from the shop yesterday (not something I was chuffed about as I had a million and one things to do, had to borrow a car as mine was in the garage, and didn't have anywhere to hide them at ours). Ended up taking them to my DM's who is bringing them up later today along with her own presents.

MIL has just been round and told us how disappointed she is that the bikes weren't here when DS9 and DS4 woke up. I told her she should have brought them herself then. Honestly I wasn't in the mood to be made to feel like I'd done something wrong when I'd actually done more with her gifts than she had. She replied "I didn't want them to be from me, I wanted them to be from Father Christmas." DS9 looked up at her a bit WTF - he has had a few moments of doubt this winter but last night and this morning was fully enthralled in the magic, and now she's just dropped that clanger. Unphased she simply pointed at DS4 who was oblivious to it all as he was playing with his new toys and said "He doesn't know." Oh, well that's alright then if you've only given it away for one child.

I took her to one side and reminded her that DS9 still believed and to try not to give the game away. Her reply was "well he'll have to find out soon." Not your fucking decision though is it?! Angry

So AIBU to be utterly fucked off with her attitude and her quite possibly giving the game away to DS9. I'm aware that he was having doubts and that this may have been his last year of believing so I may be a bit U but if anything that made me want to savour the magic even longer and I've got that WTF look of his playing through my head and feel like my heart broke a little bit seeing it. Sad

tl;dr

MIL ruined Christmas

OP posts:
UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe · 25/12/2016 20:07

Really! You do realise that some people believe in the beardy weirdy in the sky all their lives? Some even pray to "him" and think that he's had a sky baby with a virgin around about this time of year 2000 years or so ago. If that's fine, then santa is fine too.

Let the kids believe whatever they like. So long as you're teaching them evolution I don't see what the problem is.

Your mil sounds,passive aggressive. If she wanted the presents there at a certain time then she could have arranged delivery, not berate you for not doing her exact unspoken bidding just because she flashed some cash.

Enjoy your evening.

Misstic · 25/12/2016 20:10

I think the heartache suffered because of something so small (in the grand scheme of things) epitomises the cone about our children being a snowflake generation. A 9 year old bring told Santa does not exist is not earth shattering and he will not be emotionally damaged. His mother making a big fuss about is likely to do much more damage to his maturity and resilience. If he senses that you think this is the end of the world he is likely to also make a mountain out of a molehill.

TheRollingCrone · 25/12/2016 20:12

FFS goady, behave

DoosyFartlek · 25/12/2016 20:13

Maybe tell the boy your mil has lost her marbles and is on medication

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/12/2016 20:15

My 10 year old is intelligent, she also asked a few years about the toy appeal on the radio. I told her me and her dad have to send some cash to Father Christmas and that's why some children get extortionate amounts, some get nothing, some get anywhere in between

Isn't that basically Amazon then ?

DistanceCall · 25/12/2016 20:16

Your MIL was completely tactless, OP. But I agree with PPs that 9 is far too old to believe in FC. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

TwentyChews · 25/12/2016 20:24

9 is far too old to believe in FC

Why? My 8 year old is a total believer. Utterly 100%.

I cannot see what will suddenly happen in 4 months (when he turns 9) to suddenly become too old

My 10 year old still wants to believe. I had a chat with her hinting there is something we could discuss if she wanted to know. "No thank you Mummy, I believe. I want to keep believing."

When either of them ask or a ready to be told DH or I will chat with them. It is surely though up to us, their parents to do that - not for a GP to let it slip in a passive agressive fit of pique?

Misstic · 25/12/2016 20:24

TheRollingStones, are you speaking to me? It's my view, and if you don't like it, then tough. I care less. It's my point of view. Not what you would like to read and it is different from yours but hey ho c'est la vie. I know it's nicer to only hear views that accord with one's own.

MistresssIggi · 25/12/2016 20:25

My 9 year old is wavering but last night he was certainly a believer. Only a handful of his classmates have announced they do not believe.

Chocolatecake12 · 25/12/2016 20:30

I think it's horrible to say that 9 or 10 is too old to believe in FC. It's the age where they are still children but learning more and more about the world, growing up and asking questions etc, the one about the truth about FC will be one question they ask and they will find out the truth at a time in their lives thats suitable for them.
I hide all the dc's presents so there's a surprise on Christmas morning and so would have wanted the bikes hidden too. I agree with you OP. Your mil was a bit thoughtless. I hope you managed to enjoy the day and put it behind you.

youarenotkiddingme · 25/12/2016 20:30

I don't tell my ds what he should and shouldn't believe in. I respect he has his own opinions.

And it amuses me daily my highly intelligent Ds who doesn't believe in religion - as he believes in science - still believes in the ester bunny, tooth fairy and FC.

I'd also be annoyed at anyone who feels he should think otherwise. He's allowed his own beliefs.

I agree it was very generous of the MIL to buy bikes - but she chose to do that. If it came with a load of expectation and conditions she should have made that clear and organised it herself.

FestiveStinkyPants · 25/12/2016 20:49

I'm with you op, my 9 year old still believes, not even the tiniest bit of doubt yet.

My parents almost let the secret slip in front of my kids today, asked if I'd managed to get enough of a certain item I had been after for them.

Why don't people think????

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/12/2016 21:00

I don't tell my ds what he should and shouldn't believe in. I respect he has his own opinions

The non-existence of Santa isn't really a matter of opinion.

The suggestion by one poster that you can explain the unfairness of Santa's delivery system by telling a child that parents send him money but some parents don't send very much is, sorry , ridiculous.

If your child has made the deduction and is questioning the sheer unfairness of Santa I think it might be time to acknowledge that child's intelligence and empathy and explain it's a myth.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/12/2016 21:05

You do realise that some people believe in the beardy weirdy in the sky all their lives? Some even pray to "him" and think that he's had a sky baby with a virgin around about this time of year 2000 years or so ago

I don't believe in a god. It however seems to me very odd that you would be so rude and dismissive of the reasons behind Christmas whilst at the same time being outraged at the idea that perhaps by 8 or so it's not unreasonable to expect children to start thinking that the idea of Santa really makes no sense.

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 21:05

Laughing at Santa = Amazon!

I think kids do know but convince themselves they don't, because it's a nice thing to believe, and a sort of cosy memory that they can be reluctant to let go of.

ollieplimsoles · 25/12/2016 21:08

It however seems to me very odd that you would be so rude and dismissive of the reasons behind Christmas

Sky baby isn't 'the reason behind Christmas' It's a pagan holiday that Christians hijacked.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/12/2016 21:16

Sky baby isn't 'the reason behind Christmas' It's a pagan holiday that Christians hijacked

Christ's Mass

St. Nicholas

His reputation evolved among the faithful, as was common for early Christian saints,[ and his legendary habit of secret gift-giving gave rise to the traditional model of Santa Claus through Sinterklaas

UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe · 25/12/2016 21:21

Not outraged or even miffed delicatelass. Maybe you're projecting there?

Some people believe in fairy tales about all kinds of bearded men in the sky.

Some feel by 8 years old they should stop believing in one kind of sky man while they insist the other is real.

The logic is a little patchy, but as I say, I don't care who believes what myth, so long as evolution is taught in schools and there is a big area not taught in schools called myth where beliefs and belief systems go, whatever they might be.

StairsInTheNight · 25/12/2016 21:33

This thread has some really sad messages on it. Why is it so bad that a nine year old still wants to believe? It dosent make them naive or stupid or follow that they have special needs, some kids just love that magic and want it to be true. Some don't and don't care. Neither is superior and nor are their parents.

Merry Christmas all. Xmas Smile

sj257 · 25/12/2016 21:41

What's actually wrong with me telling my children that we send Father Christmas money for their presents? I was put on the spot one year and asked why the local radio station was asking for presents because some children wouldn't be getting any at Christmas, that was all I could think of. It also stops my kids from asking for ridiculous things like ponies and ride on lawnmowers (and yes I know kids who have asked for these)!

How the hell that equates to Amazon I have no idea.

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 21:43

Well, because you send Amazon money and they deliver the parcels, I suppose.

This is one of the many ways the FC thing is flawed.

Didn't st Nicholas bring someone back from the dead, who stank of rotting flesh? Nice bedtime Christmas story! Xmas Confused Xmas Grin

TheRollingCrone · 25/12/2016 21:45

Ha all this angst over the fat magic giver of gifts.

Yes it really is lovely whilst it lasts. Happy memories, I also said some kids believe, some don't

It doesn't leave children with a mental scar when they realise the fat guy's a beautiful story/amazon

TheRollingCrone · 25/12/2016 21:49

Out of interest, the children who are a wee bit older 10/11+, and do believe what do they think about children in more desperate states ie Syria, homeless, (I know my dd school had a good bank drive in December).

cherrycrumblecustard · 25/12/2016 21:50

I think Santa is for the first world only

TheRollingCrone · 25/12/2016 21:55

Sorry posted too soon, I just wondered how they reason it out, does Santa visit those children? If not why not? Would he bring them toys or food water and blankets? These are the kind of questions dd asked and then answered herself - no he just wouldn't leave them out if he was real

I wouldn't say she's madly intelligent for her age, has a good imagination. To be honest I wouldn't have asked those questions, I think I remember finding the wrapping paper.

Although I did wonder how he got round the world in one night, even as a trekkie fan, I knew no one was beaming him up Grin

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